Adoptees with kept siblings?

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I found out my NMom had 3 older girls kept in my non id while searching. It was hard to describe my feelings. They were mixed. Glad to finally know but still hurt, abandoned, rejected,bitter, worthless. You name it I felt it.
When I found her I found out she had gone on to have 2 others after me and I was the only one placed.I can not put into words how it made me feel. As I had children of my own and it really begin to sink in as to what #4 of 6 really meant about me and to me. No matter how good her reason was it still effects her and me...
My Ndad went on to adopt 4 years after my relinquishment (Which is a huge slap in my face) and had another daughter. I have only had contact with my Nmom, Ndad and 2 of my older siblings others wish no contact.
I've always been afraid to discuss it with any of them for fear of loosing them again. Its very hard to process....Show more

While I was growing up, I just assumed my first Mom would go on to have more kids, as most first Moms did.

I will be honest, it was very bittersweet to find out that I did have siblings. My brother is 14 months younger than I am, so of course, I thought, "Really? She was able to keep HIM." It made me feel even more rejected, but I have been able to work past it. As much as it embarrasses me to say, I did feel a bit jealous, too. I still do in some ways. I have not discussed that with them, though. I mean, why make them feel bad, you know? It's not their fault they were kept, no more than it was my fault I was relinquished.

They have spoken about how it has affected them. My first Mom did things the wrong way. She kept me a secret many years after I had found her. They were NOT happy she kept me from them. It makes them question everything about their lives now, and I cant say that I blame them.

Although it is not as devastating as when adoptive parents lie and do not tell their adoptees they are adopted, it is similar. She lied by omitting the truth, so now its hard for them to believe anything she says. Its the perfect example of why first Moms should tell their kept children the truth as soon as possible. The truth does indeed set you free....Show more

"How have you handled that information?"

I was really excited at first. Then, when the reality sunk in, my excitement soon turned to hurt, frustration and jealousy. It varies a lot frequently these days. I've come to accept it for what it is, and know that my siblings have every right to the life they've lived (even though the 3rd was born at my expense) - and understand that my feelings are valid too.

"Have you ever discussed your feelings about it with your sibling(s)?"

Can't. They don't speak English and my language skills aren't good enough to express my thoughts.

"Have your kept siblings spoken about how your relinquishment affected them?"

Nope....Show more

i'm #4 of 6 on my mothers area and easily one she located. I even have touch with 2 of my older sister. They have been very excited and alluring. The others do not desire to appreciate me and made it very very sparkling. My older sibs knew approximately me. youthful sibs found out in the ninety's. My Dad observed a son 4 years after my start and had one daughter . Neither knew of me till I contacted him. Neither desire to appreciate me as of now....Show more

I found out I had three half brothers, one who is only 14 months younger than me. Two who are older. There are many conflicting and confusing feelings I've dealt with regarding this, and I think they have some complex feelings about this too. They were excited and very supportive when they found out they had a sister after 43 years. But as it has sunk in, there is also some sadness and anger involved. I don't blame my mother for this. My father abandoned her and she felt she had no choice. I think we all look at it as something tragic that happened to all of us, and we really try not to dwell on it too much. We are really putting our focus on the present and on developing these new relationships....Show more