Adoptees with kept siblings?

I found out my NMom had 3 older girls kept in my non id while searching. It was hard to describe my feelings. They were mixed. Glad to finally know but still hurt, abandoned, rejected,bitter, worthless. You name it I felt it.

When I found her I found out she had gone on to have 2 others after me and I was the only one placed.I can not put into words how it made me feel. As I had children of my own and it really begin to sink in as to what #4 of 6 really meant about me and to me. No matter how good her reason was it still effects her and me...

My Ndad went on to adopt 4 years after my relinquishment (Which is a huge slap in my face) and had another daughter. I have only had contact with my Nmom, Ndad and 2 of my older siblings others wish no contact.

I've always been afraid to discuss it with any of them for fear of loosing them again. Its very hard to process.

While I was growing up, I just assumed my first Mom would go on to have more kids, as most first Moms did.

I will be honest, it was very bittersweet to find out that I did have siblings. My brother is 14 months younger than I am, so of course, I thought, "Really? She was able to keep HIM." It made me feel even more rejected, but I have been able to work past it. As much as it embarrasses me to say, I did feel a bit jealous, too. I still do in some ways. I have not discussed that with them, though. I mean, why make them feel bad, you know? It's not their fault they were kept, no more than it was my fault I was relinquished.

They have spoken about how it has affected them. My first Mom did things the wrong way. She kept me a secret many years after I had found her. They were NOT happy she kept me from them. It makes them question everything about their lives now, and I cant say that I blame them.

Although it is not as devastating as when adoptive parents lie and do not tell their adoptees they are adopted, it is similar. She lied by omitting the truth, so now its hard for them to believe anything she says. Its the perfect example of why first Moms should tell their kept children the truth as soon as possible. The truth does indeed set you free.

"How have you handled that information?"

I was really excited at first. Then, when the reality sunk in, my excitement soon turned to hurt, frustration and jealousy. It varies a lot frequently these days. I've come to accept it for what it is, and know that my siblings have every right to the life they've lived (even though the 3rd was born at my expense) - and understand that my feelings are valid too.

"Have you ever discussed your feelings about it with your sibling(s)?"

Can't. They don't speak English and my language skills aren't good enough to express my thoughts.

"Have your kept siblings spoken about how your relinquishment affected them?"

Nope.

i'm #4 of 6 on my mothers area and easily one she located. I even have touch with 2 of my older sister. They have been very excited and alluring. The others do not desire to appreciate me and made it very very sparkling. My older sibs knew approximately me. youthful sibs found out in the ninety's. My Dad observed a son 4 years after my start and had one daughter . Neither knew of me till I contacted him. Neither desire to appreciate me as of now.

I found out I had three half brothers, one who is only 14 months younger than me. Two who are older. There are many conflicting and confusing feelings I've dealt with regarding this, and I think they have some complex feelings about this too. They were excited and very supportive when they found out they had a sister after 43 years. But as it has sunk in, there is also some sadness and anger involved. I don't blame my mother for this. My father abandoned her and she felt she had no choice. I think we all look at it as something tragic that happened to all of us, and we really try not to dwell on it too much. We are really putting our focus on the present and on developing these new relationships.

I was pissed. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me and my twin brother that we weren't kept, but our little sister and two older half siblings were kept. After awhile, i stopped thinking about it.

my sister has spoken about it. She said she felt cheated out of a big brother and sister, as our half sibling are not close in age. My half brother hasn't spoken about it. My older half sister i've never met.

I'm not an adoptee, I'm a birth mother. Having children after surrendering my first baby was a hard decision because my first born was very special to me given the circumstances. It was good that he was my only boy. I think for a lot of birth mothers, the baby surrendered holds a large part of the birth mothers heart. Maybe because birth mothers tend to see their surrendered baby as the one they lost (much to our own stupidity). I think it's harder for my 'kept' kids, in seeing how I relate to my son in the situations that unfold. I tend to spoil him with more attention, and probably will always do so, because my 'kept' kids have always had me. Hope that helps you.

well the first time I found out my ex-mom had 2 daughters I was thrilled

at first because I had a happy feeling that their was no boys to fill

my spot, then I was sad because I thought the only reason she gave me

up was because of my gender, then i got a little older and I met

and became more angry

I don't know about my ex-dad and honestly I don't care I cut off

contact with my ex-mom and her kids before I asked.

I wasn't adopted but I have 2 friends who were. One of them (a female) said that she was very sad that she was given up but her siblings were all kept. She had 3 older siblings (from her mother's marriage). Then her mother got pregnant with her and gave her up because the guy was married and she didn't think she could raise another child alone. Then after she gave my friend up, she got re-married and had several more children. My friend told me that she's sad when she's around them all because they always talk about what they did growing up but she can't relate to any of it because she wasn't there. She is about 42 years old now.

Another friend is a guy and he said that his 2 brothers were kept (not sure why) and they are both really screwed up (being raised by the birth mother) and he's glad that he was adopted instead by two great parents. His one brother died of a drug overdose and the other one is constantly in jail. He, on the other hand, has a great wife, 6 children, and an awesome, high paying job. He's in contact with his birth mother (not his father because he was married and had a family when she got pregnant from an affair) but he's glad he was adopted.

The first I remember finding out about any actual siblings was when my amom overheard me telling my adad that I was pregnant ('cause telling mom was just scary, so had to ask dad to tell her ;)). My mom came charging down the stairs, calling me all the names under the sun, and raving on about how my bmom gave me away so that I wouldn't be pregnant at 17, and then somewhere in amongst all the shouting was reference to my sister, which pretty much stopped me dead in my tracks. My mom swears that she'd told me about my sister before, but I'd swear she hadn't, as I'd've thought that would've been something I would've remembered - we'll never actually know for sure, and don't worry about it because it's now almost 20 years ago.

Given a choice, I would've wanted to know about any sib's I had from a very young age - in much the same way as I knew I was adopted from a very young age.

I finally found my bfam the back quarter of last year, and now am the proud sibling of two brothers and two sisters, one of each each side. My bro and sis from my mom's side I get on great with, and usually see my bro at least a couple of times a week. My bro on my dad's side I'm 'friended with' on Facebook, but I'm not sure he's quite as thrilled as he could've been 'cause he's just had his birth order kicked out from under him (he grew up believing he was the oldest,and now all of a sudden, he's not). Hopefully, once we've met he'll be better, but he's certainly not been anti-me on FB yet, so I'm hoping for the best. As for the sis on me dad's side, she doesn't know yet. She stopped speaking to my dad a couple of years ago 'cause (from what I can gather) he wouldn't pay out enough money for her wedding. Once my sis on my dad's side and my dad's mom're told, then I can be outed to the rest of the world, but until then I've gotta wait for what sounds like a snotty little sister to get her **** cracked. No doubt I'll love her anyway, since I love me bmom, and she ain't all that fantastic a person either. Luckily, I don't need to like a person to be able to love 'em. :)

My big sis (on me mom's side) was the only one born at the time I was palmed off on to my APs. She was two at the time, and says she can remember the day I was taken out of the flat they were living in at the time (probably because my bmom said to her "say g'bye to 7rin, you'll never see her again"!). She has missed me her entire life (my existence wasn't at all hidden on me mom's side), and is deeply overjoyed that I've finally found them, because she couldn't find me.