?

This question is for adoptees only.

How did you handle the aging process and/or death of your adoptive parents?

Did your feelings of abandonment resurface?

Did you feel anger?

Or, did you finally feel at peace?

Id love to hear your opinions on this.

http://www.showbizspy.com/article/208586/sheryl-cr...

SHERYL Crow has angrily denied claims she adopted her sons to boost her career — insisting it isn’t worth the hassle.

The sexy singer adopted son Wyatt in 2007 and brother Levi last month and is adamant the adoption process is long and emotional — not a quick and easy PR stunt.

“I don’t usually read what people blog about me but I’ve read some beautiful things about me and adoption and some hateful things,” she said.

“I think people don’t understand — it’s not like you can go to some outlet and pick up a baby because you’ve got a record to promote.

“An adoptive mother goes through more hoops than those people who thoughtlessly become pregnant.

“I had about 10 adoptions fall through last year, so there was a real sense of relief when he (Levi) was mine. It’s a long process and it’s fraught with uncertainty.

“Another person is carrying a baby and when that baby finally arrives their feelings may have changed.”

How did it make you feel? My husband, children and I watched the series. We watched the last one with Spike Lee, earlier tonight. (love me some TIVO)

While I love it for obvious reasons (being adopted and in reunion) but also because I am an amateur genealogist.

Hearing most of the stars' reactions to finding their ancestors was so conflicting to me. On the one hand, I totally get it when they said things like, "These are my people", or "Now I know why I have the drive to do what it is that I do", or felt connections with their ancestors who are long gone, etc etc etc.

On the other hand, it infuriated me hearing these things when I know that 6 million of MY people, adoptees, are forbidden by law to even have the basic right to search for their ancestors.

My daughter looked at me today, and said, "Wow....I am so glad you were able to find MY family. It is so sad that society thinks it is great for non-adopted persons to find their ancestors, yet WE are told we cannot."

Yes- my daughter said "MY family", and used the word "WE"...because she knows that adoption does not affect just the adoptee. It affects generations of people. My ancestors are her ancestors. Their blood, their genes, hopes and dreams are in me, and in all of my children. It made me so sad, yet so proud of her.

Thoughts on the show? What were/are your reactions to watching shows like this?

For those adoptees who are now in reunion, how do you feel about your adoptive family's vintage pictures? Ive always sort of been the family historian, and even helped my a family do their tree when I was younger, and have worked on it even more since I have an ancestry.com membership. Being in reunion has allowed me to work on my OWN family tree, and collect pictures of my relatives who are now long gone.

Even as a child, while looking at old family photos, I just sort of stared at the pictures, as the people in them were not "my people". I always felt so weird working on my a family's tree, because they are not MY line. It was hard hearing, "Oh, look, your great great grandmother- she looks just like your sister." Barf. But- I know how important those pictures & trees were and are to my ap's, so I was happy to do it for them.

My ap's health is declining, and recently my a Mom gave me a boatload of old family pictures. Other than the pictures of my a Mom's Mom and Dad, I really don't want them. They are not my relatives. I have no ties to them at all.

But. having my first family's pictures is incredible- even back 3 or more generations, I can see the family resemblance in me, and my children.

I was curious as to how you feel about seeing your a family's ancestors. To me, I feel nothing. Absolutely no connection. I guess because there is no connection. As I said, I will keep the pics of my a Mom's parents, but I think I will give the rest to my a sis, their bio child, after they are gone.

I watched the BBC movie "Sinners" last night. It was based on the true stories of Magdalene Women, girls who were sent away to Irish Catholic laundries to have their babies. The abuse was atrocious.

I know of some of the abuse my own first Mom suffered at the hands of the Catholic nuns at Catholic "Scarities" maternity homes. (she was sent to 2, when they ran out of room at the first one) She cannot bring herself to talk about ALL of it....

I am curious to know if there are more stories/reports of this kind of abuse here in the states. It could NOT have been just in Ireland. The Catholic church's attitude on unwed mothers was universal.

I know my first Mom left the church because of what happened to her, just as I did when I found out...not to mention the other human rights abuses that went on and STILL go on today. First Moms- did this happen to you or any other first Moms you know? Adoptees? What about your first Moms?

I would appreciate any information you might have on this.

Here is the link to the movie.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6498880952...

This question is for adoptees and first Moms. It doesnt matter to me how you think your child's first Mom was treated. Im sure her view is COMPLETELY different than yours.

Its been years since I really inspected my amended birth certificate. I was looking at it last week and came across a few interesting items. That being said, for the life of me, I will never understand how the government gets away with falsifying an "official" document.

It has my adopted name, date of birth, my ap's names & their dob's. It even has the date my "mother" had a serological test for syphilis- the day I was born. I asked my adoptive Mom if she had to have a test like this when she applied for adoption. Nope...and she was quite insulted when I asked.

My abc has 2 different "stamps" on it. One says "received and filed on December 20, 1965".

That is IMPOSSIBLE, as my ap's did not even get me until the first week in May. Of 1966. In the corner, it has the date of December 2, 1966 in a circle/stamp. That is most likely when my adoption was final, or when the court filed the final adoption decree. My ap's swear they do not remember when my adoption was final, although they said they had to live in fear for 6 months after they got me and my a bro.....because "THAT WOMAN" could have shown up on their doorstep and taken their baby, lol. But- that date would have been 6 months after they got me.

The ONLY things that are true on my abc was my weight, my sex, the hospital, and the doctor who delivered me. He was an in-house doctor who subcontracted with Catholic Scarities.

It is the 1966 date that has always confused people who have needed to see it. (getting my driver's license, social security card after I was married, and when I needed to have it to travel to Mexico)

Other than the obvious, does your abc have any other funkiness going on? Have any of the first Moms here had the chance to see their child's amended birth certificates? Ap's? What oddities are listed on your child's abc?

Even as a child I laughed at the absurdity listed on my abc.....but the test for syphillis truly made me go, "Hmmmmm."

I am curious as to how your differences affected the rest of your a family, especially if your ap's had their own bio child.

In my family, I was always "that kid" who was on stage and in constant performance mode. Being in reunion, I now know that it was genetics, as my entire n family is employed in some aspect of the performing arts.

No one in my a fam was like that. While my ap's enjoyed my artsy-fartsy ways, it did alienate me from the rest of my a family. They were not performers, and did not even remotely use that "side" of their brain.

We have been discussing the need for ap's to be better prepared for parenting an adoptee, which I feel is extremely important. While I cannot say that my parents were prepared (especially since I was a BSE baby) they at least did not put expectations on me, as far as being "better than an average kid". BUT- I do not feel they were prepared as to how raising a stranger's child would affect their entire family....again- no fault of their own, just a product of their time.

I think my differences affected my a sis, my ap's bio child, the most. As I stated earlier, I was always on stage, always creating and performing. My a sis was not. She was exactly like my ap's. I think my being in the family was actually very difficult for her, believe it or not. I can remember people in my a family asking her "why she wasn't more like me"...to which, I always responded, "because we are not related", lol. Yeah- I was snarky even as a kid. Our differences are even more apparent now that we are grown.

Im interested in seeing how your differences affected your entire a family, but especially your siblings, if they were your ap's bio kid.

or even a DNA test to prove your heritage? Such as The Mayflower Society http://www.familytreedna.com/project-join-request.... or another group of that type?

I know for most adoptees without an OBC, it would be next to impossible to do this. But with the new ancestry type DNA tests, it is now a possibility. Just curious as to whether anyone has joined one of these societies, or is thinking of joining one, assuming you have been able to trace your ancestors back far enough.

Its funny, but my N Dad always said I should join The Daughters of The Republic of Texas, but I always laughed at him because I did not have my OBC. His name is not on it anyway, lol, and besides, I had never even set foot in Texas until I found him.....but now that some of these groups are allowing DNA tests as proof, I may just do it....just because I can, teehee.

Conversely, my A Mom & A Grandfather were very involved with "The Sons of Italy", and "The Untied Italian Society" while I was growing up. I was not permitted to be a board member because I was not Italian by blood, but was able to be an "honorary but limited member". I guess Im sort of excited to finally be able to belong to an ancestry group.

"Adoption is the new pregnant"

"Pregnant on Paper"

and this little gem, which I found on a Pap's blog who just recently discovered their "birthmother" was keeping her baby . Her hubby posted this because people were telling her she should be ashamed that she was spewing expletives on her blog about "their birthmother" deciding to parent.

"She will not be blogging for a few days, but hopefully people know their roles and will keep their hurtful and stupid comments to themselves. She gives her life to helping people who have lost their future babies...so please if you feel you need to comment about how she is wrong for being upset...WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT IN THE LAST WEEK!"

"Lost their future babies"...Oh. My. God.

How does this make you feel when you read these things? What can we do to stop this type of thinking?

I normally do not care when I get a lot of thumbs down. I am confused on an earlier question.

The question asked how many kids our ap's adopted during the baby scoop era.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=200910...

Many of us answered the same :Mine got 2. Mine got 3, Mine got 4, etc.

Why so many thumbs down for these answers? I mean, I expect thumbs down when the question is a rather controvesial one, or when I am telling someone to keep their child, but why the thumbs down for such a simple question that really involves no emotion?

Was it the fact we said "Got"? Is that what's offensive? That was how my parents always told the story. "It was raining the day we got you", or "When we got your brother..."

Im just kind of perplexed. I know that there are some people who automatically "TD" anyone they don't "like", but for so many of us to have "TD's" just struck me as odd.

from your adoptive parent's perspective? This past year has been very healing for me, as far as my adoption issues go. I know how my adoption has affected me, my children, my first parents and my n siblings, but I really think I had a rather sad breakthrough when it came to my adoptive Mom. It was extremely hard for me to admit it, but like any painful subject, you have to acknowledge it to get through it.

For me, I realized just how unfair adoption was for my ap's. They were told the typical agency crap- "If you love this baby enough, she will never want or need to know her real parents". That is a direct quote from Catholic Charities. they bought into the "blank slate theory".

It was unfair, because no matter how much my adoptive Mother loved/loves me, as a child, it wasn't good enough. I didn't want her. I wanted my first Mom. That is as raw as I get. That, to me, is probably one of the most painful things for me...that BOTH of my Mothers were lied to, and nothing was ever the same.

It makes me so sad that my Mom really believed the lies the adoption agency sold her.

So, that is what I think is the worst part for them- that even though I love them, and they love me, it just wasn't enough.

....wanted to "facilitate" your reunion with your first family? I have read here and on other forums where adoptive parents have said things such as "We plan on helping our child find his or her biological parents", or "I will seek counseling for myself and my child before there is a reunion".

What are your opinions on this?

Did your ap's do this?

If you are in reunion, what role did your ap's have, if any?

If they were not involved, was it your decision, or theirs? Why or why not?

PS- Im changing my YA name back to LinnyG later today.

Thanks. I look forward to answers from adoptees.

When I posted my question yesterday regarding baby books, the person who had been impersonating me lashed out at me regarding foster care. They accused me and others here of "not caring" about foster kids, and said that the adoptees here say that their pain is the same as foster kids' pain.

I for one, do not like to make comparisons when it comes to pain. Everyone's situation is different, and everyone's pain is unique to their situations.

For example, domestic adoptees do not have the same pain or losses that international adoptees have. Foster kids have different pain and loss than adoptees have. No one's pain is any less or more significant than someone else's.

I told this person I have never said that, and have never seen anyone else say that. This person said that for "people against the coercive practice of newborn and international adoption to tell would-be ap's to only adopt through foster care is uncaring and makes foster kids seem like 2nd class citizens."

My thoughts are this: adopting is "almost always" because of infertility. I know I was plan B for my ap's. The fact is they had many miscarriages, and then adopted. Had they not had the miscarriages, they would not have adopted. Period. I think most adoptee's stories are the same.

My belief is that adoption should ONLY happen when there is abuse and/or neglect (rare in newborn adoptions) and when there is no one available in the child's natural family to raise him or her. Period.

I guess my question(s) are this:

Do people really think that there is a "tier" system in adoption? (people here on Y!A...I realize the public is clueless to just about every aspect of adoption related issues)

Is it hurtful to foster kids (either kids who are currently in the system, or those who were in the system, either adopted, or aged out) to say that people should only adopt through foster care? Does that make you feel like a 2nd class citizen? I am sorry if it does. I know for myself, knowing I was plan B, has the same effect.

I ask the above question, because I am confused. If there is no hope of reunification with the child's natural family, isn't it the goal for foster kids to be adopted?

Even though I was furious this person impersonated my profile, their response to me in my previous question gave me reason to post this question. I think it would have been more mature for the person to just tell me that via email, or a question, but it happened, so here I am...

Thoughts?

I am curious as to what kind of baby book you had, if you are an adoptee, or what kind your adopted child has. Is it hand-made, like a scrap book, or was it a pre-made baby book?

When did your book begin? Did your ap's just begin it when they got you, or did they "fill in the blanks" for that missing time between your birth & the day you were placed with them?

And, yes...it's the REAL me. I changed my picture because of the person who was impersonating me.

Thanks!

I was shuffled between foster homes in Ohio and in Kentucky after I was born & before I was placed at the age of 6 months with my adoptive parents.

I am curious as to what sort of information you were/are given regarding the babies you care for. Do you give the agency information? Like, how the baby acts, etc? Did you take pictures of the babies you cared for? Did you keep the pictures, or did you give them to the agency?

I know it's a long shot, but I am thinking about finding out this information. I would love to know how I was as an infant, or see pictures of me as an infant...and yes, cameras were in existence then!! ;)

Thanks!

Ok, so we all know that the responsible adoptive parents, adoptees & first Moms here report slimy paps who troll for babies.

I think this group thinks they may have found a way to get around YA TOS. This woman is trolling YA, and this is an answer she recently posted to a RAPE VICTIM.

*************************

Poor you. I understand the fact that it was not somethink you wanted to expose to anyone and most people do that. Its a shame that this jurk might have gotten you pregnant... but in case you are and don't want to abort here is a privite group you might to consider joining.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/MyPrivateAdoption/ its to help people like you and people wanting to adopt find each other.

I am very sorry and if you are pregnant and are lost maybe the Lord will make you loose it... if not come and join us... you can just talk and express your feelings without anything else...

I will pray for you for streight, hope and support.

***********************************

Terrible spelling errors aside, do you think this type of solicitation should be allowed here on YA! ? I know I report and thumbs down every response I see from this predator. Id like your opinions on this.

I would like to know if any adoptees have experienced discrimination such as this:

http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-3742537,...

I know I have had difficulties obtaining official documents because of my amended birth certificate.

1) A happy adoptee

2) An angry adoptee

We see these terms thrown around all the time. Id love YOUR definition of each.

Id also like to know

3) how an adoptee "got that way"

4) what can be done to make sure one or the other happens or doesnt happen.

Thanks!

Do you think it will help find more foster parents?

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/20090702/EDIT03...

when it comes to some of the negative effects adoption? If someone asks a question such as "Do adoptees have a higher rate of depression and/or suicide", people will respond with links to medical studies. These studies/reports are from highly respected journals, yet I see people (mostly NOT adoptees) who will say the findings are bogus.

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/...

http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/content/abstra...

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/...

http://74.125.95.132/search?q=cache:QZSCPrJbghgJ:w...

http://www.biomed.lib.umn.edu/hmed/2001/08/2001080...

http://www.geocities.com/capitolhill/9606/survey.h...

Sure, there are some links that some people would say are "biased", but I see people laughing or being dismissive at/of articles published by The American Academy of Pediatrics, or The Lancet, etc.

Is this just a denial mechanism?

I just don't understand any parent who would chose to believe that relinquishment and adoption does not have any negative psychological effects on their child.

Is it just wishful thinking on your part?

Is it the "not MY child" thing?

Do you do the same for other studies? For example, do you go into the sun without sunscreen, or is skin cancer just something that happens to other people?