Adoptees and family pictures?

I enjoy looking at pictures of those who I know. There are quite a few who I don't know, and I can be told its "aunt so-and-so" til the cows come howe, and it doesn't mean much to me. They aren't related to me, I'll never know them personally, so its so intangible that I cannot get "into" it much at all.

I was actually lucky enough to get a hold of my own photographs when things were being handed out. I didn't receive any of the old ones, and that is fine with me, they should be with someone who does care for them and who DOES have those deep blood ties.

Its the same if I went to a friends house and went through those pictures. None of them look like me, none of them are related to me, and they really don't have a place in my life. Not because I'm being rude or disinterested in my adoptive family's heritage. They just aren't part of me. And that is okay.

Linny,

I’m not an adoptee, so I hope it's okay to respond, but I wanted to tell you that I had an experience where I totally felt this FOR my adopted daughter. Shortly after my daughter joined our family, we took a “4 generations” picture. My maternal grandma, my mom, me, and my daughter. (My grandmother and mom have both now passed). One time, looking at that picture, I so strongly felt my genetic ties, saw my family history, looked at my grandmother, mom, and me, and saw the lineage that contains white trash in Kentucky and nobility in England, love of horse racing, love of literature, etc. The thought completely bulldozed me that my daughter would look at that picture, and she would NOT experience the genetic mirroring I so experienced looking at that picture. How could she? She isn’t genetically mirrored in that picture. And I had a true moment of grief for her. Now, she LOVED my mom, was so very close to her, grieves the loss of her. So I’m sure the picture will be meaningful to her. But it won’t provide for her the strong sense of history and genetic mirroring that it did for me. And that’s just an example, neither will lots of extended family pics.

She has pictures of her biological mother, father, brother, sister, and maternal grandmother. I am glad for that. Of course, as meaningful as those pictures are to me, and as much as I love to look and see all that led and is a part of my daughter, she will one day look at those and be a part of it in an intimate way I’m not. Right now, she especially likes looking at the pictures of her sister. She says her sister looks like a rock star and she wants to go visit her. :)) It is just truly so sad for her that those people are not a part of her everyday life.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my experience with this and my attempt as an adoptive parent to empathize.

Well, I wasn't adopted, but my grandpa was. You wouldn't think that would affect me, but actually it does. I think about it a lot. And I definitely get what you mean about the family pictures.

My grandpa's adoptive surname is Cranmer. One of the Cranmers was famous for something in Minnesota. My mom, for some reason, thinks this is cool, and keeps a picture of the guy. I don't see why, because he's not actually related to us. We have a lot of old pictures of the adoptive family, and I never really cared about them. It's not because they're just pictures of people I don't know, because I love all of my grandma's old pictures and most of her relatives died before I was born. I would really love to have pictures of my grandpa's bio family, but he was born in 1922, and the adoption records back then were pretty much non-existent, so all I know is what his surname /may/ have been.

I am really interested in genetics and family trees, so it often bothers me that I don't know more about my family history on that side. I probably don't look like any of them, since I'm pretty much a carbon copy of my grandma, but my brother might. Not really that important to my daily life since it's so far back, but definitely something I ponder.

I guess the point is that adoption can affect a family for a long time, not just the first generation.

I was kinda fascinated actually. Not because I felt a connection to them, but because of history. I liked looking at the style of dress, and it was neat seeing the family resemblance to my AP. However, I wouldn't want to keep such pictures for myself should they be passed to me, I would prefer they go to blood relatives of my AP. Their history is interesting. But it's not mine.

I am so anxious for the day I am able to travel back home. My uncle has already committed to digging up all the old family albums for me, and I can't wait.

Oh wow. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in my conflicted feelings relating to this topic. My amom is very much the family historian herself. She collected loads of pictures of both sides of the family (my afather's side and her side). She made elaborate scrap books with the pictures when I was in high school.

I always felt a little bit alienated when looking at the pictures of her distant relatives. The dialogue of, "Oh, that's great, great aunt so and so. She was related to an Indian princess," would make me wonder where I came from. I really enjoyed seeing pictures of family members I knew personally. There are some really cute pictures of my adad when he was a child. Also, the pictures of my paternal grandmother as a teenager were interesting. The worst part is that I never knew what to say when my mom would get excited about earlier relatives that neither of us had known. It was her history, not mine. That would be fine with me if I was allowed to wonder about my history.

Fast forward seven years. I'm 25. I've met my natural mother, my biological grandparents and my half siblings. I also just my first child, a daughter, five weeks ago. Part of me is a little bit obsessed with seeing who looks like me. I don't talk about it much, but I always look. My daughter is the first person I've lived with who is in any way a genetic mirror. It's intriguing to see how she's like me, yet like my husband also. The fact that I brought up my daughter's blue eyes set my amom off a little bit. She and my a dad went through a week or so of feeling horrible that they weren't genetically related to her. My a mom didn't want to hear anyone (including my inlaws) talking about who she looks like on either my side or my husband's side. They moved past that, but it was interesting how much insecurity remains in the wake of adoption on all sides.

So, the short answer to your question is: I feel intrigued when I look at my a parents' ancestors but only because I look for similarities to them. They have no connection to me. I'll keep all the pictures because they were important to my aparents. I'm the last of the line on my a dad's side, so I'll keep the pictures to preserve the memory of his family. They were amazing people. I'll still be thrilled to watch my daughter grow up and see if her blue eyes change to brown. I just won't talk to my aparents about it.

I picked up an interest in my afam's history 'cause I was interested in how they got here to be able to be here for me, iyswim?

Oh but I luuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrvvvvvveeeeeeee the bio family pic's though! *squee*

Some people feel connect to family history and some don't. I don't really think it has much to do with DNA. How do you know that their is not someone one in your family history that was not adopted. They didn't use to have formalities that they do now. I had a brother who was adopted and I am the family tree person. He often went with me to view graves stones and old proprieties that they had owned. I ask him if he ever wanted to find and meet his birth family and he said he knows who his family is.

I feel the same way for the most part. The only a-family history I'm really interested in is my paternal grandfather's but he was also adopted so that is more wanting to fill in the blanks he wasn't able to.

Thank You LinnyG, your question just made me realize why pictures & photo albums have never meant anything to me ! Yes, it's like looking at many more strangers & there are no feelings of any connection.

I have always said, "i'd rather keep my memories within my mind & heart, so they would never be lost !"

I Learned Something New About Me Today...............Gods Speed !

It's just sick the lack of respect that you have for your parents and family. There is more to family than blood. So very sad. Why is it not okay to have an interest and value in both of your family's heritage and photos. Other traits beside physical are passed down to child and grandchild and so forth, like verbal and motor mannerisms. Kudos to you "helping" your family with their (your) history too bad you just don't care.

I never stated my views on adoption. this comment has nothing to with my views I am speaking about your lack of respect. You my be right that that a lot of characteristics come from genetics but you are incorrect to say that I'm just flat out wrong I know first hand growing up with people that I am not genetically related to we have the same traits and mannerisms. What you fail to understand is just because you only see that with your bio side does not mean it's ture for others.

"Because they are dead, I never knew them," This could be said for both bio and adoptive families.

" When my ap's die, there will be NO ONE in my a family I associate with." Very sad indeed, that is your choice to not associate with them, maybe you never even gave them a chance. Like I said the is more to family than blood.

I also find it very interesting that you choose to only comment to me. Someone who does not think that what you are doing is right. I think that speaks volumes in its self. I feel really sorry for people like you. So filled with hatred that you can not see past it. It apparently clouds everything in your life.

"I asked for opinions from adoptees in reunion. You're NOT."

How do you know I'm not adopted you assume so because I don't agree with you, wow.

I want to adopt upcoming baby of my brother in Brazil?

Kinda like how this girl asked for help not criticism. huh?

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