Anha S

was your adoptive name put on your original document? I got mine today after a long long wait, and the first thing I see is my original name, in brackets, with my adoptive name next to it. Registration number is the exact same as it is on my ABC. Wasn't expecting to see my adoptive name on my original documentation. Over the moon to have it in my posession, but just wondering if this is the norm for Ontario adoptions, and if it's practiced anywhere else.

How have you handled that information? Have you ever discussed your feelings about it with your sibling(s)? Have your kept siblings spoken about how your relinquishment affected them?

My youngest is really struggling with the concept that while my ffamily is blood, that my AP are still very "real" parents.

What is the best way to discuss the "realness" of all parts of adoptive and first families with a child? Anyone else struggled to help their child understand?

Like the adoption diaries? Why or why not?

in society, what would it be and why?

I've seen enough stories of creative writing/story telling on behalf of the SW/agencies handling adoption, that I just have to wonder why?

What do they have to gain by lying about, or omitting information?

What purpose does it serve?

And if there aren't consequences in place to deal with SW/agency workers/lawyers/etc that do engage in this kind of behavior, should there be? IF so, what do you think the consequences should be?

Any adoptees out there in Y!A land who's parents were coerced? How have you handled the knowledge?

FP, if you experienced coercion, and then later on reunited, how was it handled between you?

AP, if you ever found out that your child came out of a coercive circumstance, how would you handle it?

If you took someone searching under your wing, what tips would you give them? What resources would you direct them to? What wisdom would you impart stemming from your own search?

I understand that the CAS's foster to adopt programs might be quite different than PAparents who aren't going through that program. That said, I could use a bit of help from anyone who has insight. I can't get a straight answer from the CAS on some questions I had involving my adoption and things that happened otherwise. My adoption was shady to start with, I was placed long before my first mom actually relinquished me, and my parents certainly weren't foster parents. Other things happened with/after my abro's adoption that has caused me to wonder for years. My abro and I were both adopted in closed adoption.

Is it normal in closed adoption circumstances when the AP aren't foster parents to meet the child at the foster parents' home? My AP met me at the CAS building in the visitation room. They met my abro at the foster family's home.

Later on down the road, when I was around 7 and my abro 4, the social worker who handled our cases came to "check up". This was many years after I was adopted, and a solid 2 and a bit years since my brother's adoption. Does this happen routinely with adoptions through the CAS?

Also, the social worker pushed the foster family's involvement with my brother on my aparents, also a good solid few years after his adoption had been completed. The worker made it clear to my AP that the foster family had wanted to adopt my abro themselves, but were turned down due to already having too many children in their care. I remember them visiting, and sending him cards and gifts, and my amom always being very uncomfortable and upset about it, and she's mentioned more than once that she didn't feel she had much of a choice in allowing the foster family access to my bro. Is foster family involvement normal in a closed adoption?

Thank you to anyone who can offer me insight!

For those who are about to reunite, how are you feeling about it? For those who already have, how is it going for you? Has anyone out there reunited with one sibling but not the other as of yet?

My sister and I are trying to track down our younger half sister. She was raised with our younger sis in her life, but 13 year age difference, they weren't close, and she fell off the family's radar so none of the aunts and uncles really know where she is either.

For those who don't want to search, if you had children who did want to search one day, is that something you would be supportive of even though you yourself have no desire? Would it change your mind at all at wanting to meet your first relatives?

For everyone, do you think reunion would have a very different feel if it was the grandchild reuniting with the first grandparents? How much control if any should the adoptee have on whether or not their children search?

Aparents, were you ever worried that your adopted child would end up in an intimate relationship with someone they were related to? Did it affect how you handled your child dating?

Adoptees, was it a concern for you once you reached your dating years that you could become involved with a relative? if yes, did it affect how you handled your personal life?

I ask because it was something I worried a lot about as a teen, and because of the question with the reunited family who lived right across the street.

If you discovered that your aparents had engaged in a very agressive campaign to get you, done such things as solicit online, at OBGYN offices, highschools, and possibly engaged in some form of coercion? Would it make you feel like a product or commodity?

I just wonder how future generations of adoptees will feel with the advent of aggressive outreach/competition present in the adoption world now.

and how did it go? Did you do it right away, or down the line? Was it once side or both? For those that did, any advice for someone who is just beginning to reunite with their extended family?

How do your kids feel about adoption? How much do they know about your adoption?

about any and all aspects of their adoption? If you are, what factors in to that? If you aren't, what do you think the reasons are? If you are somewhere in between, what do you think would make you more comfortable in talking about it?

I'm really struggling to talk to my amom about a lot of stuff re my adoption, and since its an issue that affects both of us deeply, I want to know if theres a way I can facillitate things.

about their adoption, positive or negative? I've always had a problem asking questions, or asking for more details about things, I didn't want to bug my amom, or hurt her, and its taken me 30 years to get the answers to questions I was always curious about.

Did anyone else have a hard time asking questions? If so, why do you think it was difficult?

Years ago, I dropped out of my first family's lives, for many reasons, but the main ones being I felt overwhelmed and that people wanted me to balm the wounds from long ago and I was just so confused and messed up at the time, I could barely hold myself together let alone others.

After a lot of thought, I found my sister, and sent her a message. She answered me back! Has anyone else gone through this? How would you approach this? I really don't want to mess things up if my first family decides to give me another chance.