a second go at reunion?

I've heard this happen with a lot of adoptees.

First reunions are so full and messy - the tiniest things can send them into a tail spin. Especially when you're dealing with so much trauma & emotions - on your side - on your mothers side - on the extended families side - AND especially if there is any pressure in the background from adoptive family in the mix.

Take it slow. Try and keep dialogue open and honest.

If something is said that triggers & upset - take a breath - think about it for awhile - ask clarification if it really bothers you - and try to work through things.

It can be an absolute mine field.

Thinking of you - & sending loads of strength & hugz.

Take it slow.

Drop on by the adoptee on-line forum if you need any support - or need a place to vent. It's a great place to be understood.

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index.php

I wish you all the very best.

Adoption and reunion are so complex and so multi-layered that I really don't think anyone can fully comprehend all of it. No one. Therefore, the initial shock of information can overwhelm just about anyone. All relationships can become complicated...and the bfamily reunion is no exception. Time can often help us gain distance and perspective. It can also help us focus what we want and what we might not be willing to live without.

I do not talk with some of my bfamily. But observations and surreptitious messages are sent through other bfamily. I think we are all watching the others from afar.

I do know that if I were to attempt a second round of reunion, I would try to learn from my mistakes. I would have a clearer idea of where my limits were, what I would accept/not accept, how far I was willing to stretch or not. I would try to clarify, for myself and others, exactly what I wanted/hoped for/expected.

There is a blog "Second Time Around" written by an adoptee in this very situation: attempting to re-start a reunion after 18 years of rejecting her natural family and cutting them out of her life. They are now building bridges again. Included the link below:

Just be honest with them. I assure you, they have similar doubts and problems. Just be careful and feel out how far they want to take the relationship and how much you are willing to deal with. My birthmother currently lives with me. I should never have let her back. She has severe mental problems. Makes up things in her head that never happened and seriously believes she is right. Drunkard. Feels like she has to make up for our lost years even though I have flat out told her that I have a mother, she needs to be a friend. Doesn't respect house rules unless it is convenient for her. Crashed my computer three times. Makes up lies about my son to start problems. Goes behind my back to my husband and makes up stuff to cause drama. I am saying all of this to give you insight into what may happen with you. Take it slow. Be honest with everyone involved. You run the show and decide what will happen. Good Luck.

I went from the age of 12 to 21 with out seeing or communicating with my father. I finally decided to see him, so I traveled 1200 miles, and popped in. He was so glad to see me, and I him, that I decided to move back to Michigan so I could be closer. As the years went by he became my very best friend. He passed on 6 years ago, and there's not a single day I don't think about him.

Get close to your family, before there all gone.

Im in the exact same situation & I to do not know the answer