adoptees, how would you feel?

I would be upset. That is a vile act of severe desperation. I would tell them how I felt about it, holding nothing back, then never speak to them again.

People who solicit women for children are less than human. They are vile creatures who prey on people who are unable to make an informed rational decision because of intense feelings. I hate thinking that this stuff goes on. It goes on right here in the adoption section all the time, and I think those scummy people should be called out for it. They are awful.

If they can't use the standard terms to find a child, then they have something wrong with them. There is a reason that they aren't going through agencies or foster care, and most likely it is because they aren't parent material. I think these adoptions should stop. Pre-birth matching is just a plain bad idea. I can only imagine what a reunion would be like between a child and their mother, when they find out that their aparents cornered their first mother and talked her out of her child. Vile. My heart spews venom for these people. Trash.

Your question is a complex and insightful one, and I'm glad you asked it, since I've been wondering the same thing, too. I'm a 23-year-old adoptee from Korea into an Italian family. I was adopted as an infant, and as far as I know, my birth mother relinquished me directly after I was born because she feared she could not provide for me financially. I would have to say that overall I'm very happy with my life as an adopted child. My mother is a diabetic that was unable to have children of her own and although she probably didn't adopt for the right reasons, I think she did right by me. I can see why many adoptees are unhappy with their situations - I was lucky enough that I don't remember anything but my adoptive family and never had to suffer through any separations. Maybe it's for this reason that I don't have much desire to find my birth parents. They're halfway across the world, for starters, I have literally no information about them, and at this point I feel like it would just be rustling up a lot of closed business. I'm happy, my birth mom's probably moved on with her life, my natural father probably has no idea I exist, and I feel that in my situation it would do more harm than good. It's admirable that you are so concerned with your potential child's feelings - it shows that you are indeed thinking about the child's best interests. Adoptions can be a wonderful answer for many people - I have opportunities here that I probably wouldn't have had if my birth mother had kept me, and my adoptive mother has never made me feel like I was anything but her own child. That being said, I'm not a mother (although I will be in about 20 weeks!) so the heartwrenching experience of giving up a child is something I've never endured. I think that something that the less adoption-enthusiastic camp is trying to get across is that, in many cases, someone loses out, whether it be the adoptee or the birth mother, but the adoptive parents always seem to win. It's a difficult situation no matter how you slice it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do - it sounds like your heart is in the right place, and as long as that is the case you will make a good decision :)

I already feel like a product/commodity. I was the object of exchange in a transaction -- one that involved money and all.

I don't know how today's adoptees will feel but if it's anything like I feel, I feel for them. If they make it through the rockiness that is adolescence, I'll be here to help, comfort and support them.

My a-parents were just the next ones on the list and I was just the next one born to an unmarried woman who, it turned out, could be intimidated, belittled, threatened and convinced that she would be "no good" for me and that money, marriage (of the parents) and religion would be in my best interest.

UGH!

I have already cut ties with my adopters, so it would be unlikely to have changed much in my case -- except that I might not have tried so hard to make something work relationship-wise with them and my natural mother would probably not have tried so hard to urge me to "try to work it out".

I already do feel like I was a commodity...I was a 'Baby Girl" to dress up in ribbons and bows..basically a doll, not a person with my own ideas, feelings and needs.

If I knew my aparents had gotten me through aggressive methods, then I would loathe them and never speak to them again. Oh wait...I'm already not speaking to them...hmm.

It would make me feel dirty. It would also make me angry with them. Coercion does NOTHING but cause harm to an already vulnerable woman. I do not think I could forgive my parents if I found out they had done something like what I see a few pap's do here, and on other sites.

As an adoptee, it would infuriate me to know that they did this to MY mother!!! It's bad enough what Catholic Scarities did to her, but if my a parents were DIRECTLY involved n this, I dont think I would ever speak to them again, and I would probably change my name or have my n Mom do an adult adoption with me.

Sick, I bet, because I get a little nauseated just reading about it.

I think I'd puke, but my doctor won't let me since I used to be bulimic, so then I probably would bang my head on a wall a thousand times.

Frankly, if I had learned that my aparents had a role in my relinquishment, I would have severed all ties with them at the first opportunity.

i'd be disgusted.