Adoptees, and first parents, how do you feel when you hear paps or ap's say the following?

It makes me want to punch something. It really belittles adoptees. We aren't paper fetuses. We aren't the "new" anything. We are children who have been given up by our first families. Babies and children whose families have decided to not parent. We have suffered a loss. There is nothing cutesy or kitschy about it.

"... truly there is nothing to fear, the adoptee could never think of the A-parents in any different way than they do ,they are mom and dad and would not have to share their parenthood" Wanna bet? This is a hugely misinformed and generalizing statement. Many adoptees (not all) DO find a mom and dad at the end of their search. It is up to the people who raised them to find space in their hearts and lives to embrace the second mother and father and not be threatened by the fact that the adoptee always had two sets: one set present and another set "in exile." The "lifetime guarantee" that agencies give is in many cases nothing more than a sales-pitch to sell the infant. The theft of my baby was not an "unselfish act of love" on my part. My love was expressed in wanting with all my heart to keep him. However, at the time, in the country i lived in, human rights were routinely ignored and an "unmanned mother" could lose her baby at birth solely because she had no-one to protect her. My son found a mom in reunion. He found me. It is neither of our faults that the people who had ended up with him didn't recognize our mother-son relationship. Signed, mom of 4 3 raised and 1 reunited after abduction/adoption

I don't like the "Adoption is the new Pregnant" and "Paper pregnant" slogans. I think they're stupid. I've been pregnant and I've adopted children. The two experiences are not the same.

I can't get this blog page to load, so I cannot comment on it.

It makes me ill, mad, and want to cry all at once. I hate those slogans or "catchy" little phrases that some PAP/AP use to make themselves feel better. It's not cute. It's demeaning.

And as to what her husband wrote, well I can't feel bad for either of them. One of them vomits tripe about a child being kept and raised, then the other talks about "knowing your role". What exactly is knowing your role anyway? Burfmuggles need to be silent and in the background so no accidental reality seeps in, and adoptees must all be grateful little clones?

Frankly I don't care who these women "give their lives to". It doesn't entitle them to a baby, and it certainly isn't going to make me feel bad for them when they don't get their way. And people who use phrases like that, or behave like the PAP in that blog, seem entirely unstable, and not people I would want getting their claws on an innocent.

This is the sort of thing that makes me ashamed to be a human being - I can understand that she had built up in her mind that she would be raising this child - but being angry that someone has decided to keep their child is awful. You would think she would be ashamed to spew hate about it on her blog. This is the kind of person who should never raise children - being willing to hurt someone else for your happiness is not an ok trait for someone who wants to be raising children who can't defend themselves against the behavior. I don't know if this kind of thinking *can* be stopped. I think anyone willing to hate on a woman for wanting to raise her own kid isn't likely to listen to anything people have to say - if she can block out the emotional trauma of others, she can block out other people's pesky opinions.

If one is 'pregnant on paper'...then one must be giving birth to *paper dolls*.

"Adoption is the new pregnant"..is an aberration and a thought process wherein the thinker of such a thing...is not operating in reality. Watching an expectant mother go thru her pregnancy, witnessing the mother giving birth...does not make adoption the same as pregnancy...but of course any sane person would know this. But some PAPs are so desperate to experience pregnancy and birth...they co-opt the natural process from the actual mother and somehow enjoin this into themselves...'as if' they are the ones giving birth or at the very least simply being a witness to a pregnancy/birth..somewho delude themselves it's the same as the actual experience of. As much as this type of talk by some PAPs truly disgusts me...I also feel sorry for the baby they are adopting (or trying to) and the expectant mother, that have to endure this insane behavior and talk. I really question the mental stability of any PAP/adopter that parrots these ridiculous words.."pregnant on paper" and "adoption is the new pregnant".

I don't believe you can stop some people from thinking this way....their neediness and desperation for a newborn is so all consuming...they can't deal with reality. Reminds me of PAPs from the past...that would stuff their pants/skirts with pillows, 'as if' pregnant..while waiting for their number to come up for that womb-wet infant.

Makes me feel I should invest in "Puke bucket" stocks and start making money off of that since I'm finding myself in need of one so often when it comes to adoption language.

I empathize with their losses and even the loss of the "dream" of adopting a child they hoped would be theirs to adopt. That is painful I am sure.

NONE of that justifies the language, attitude and telling other people who contribute to the blog how to feel and act. They blogged ALL THAT INFO so they can't ***** about the responses. It cuts both ways.

Being in pain doesn't justify standing on a pedestal and ordering others how to feel. It doesn't justify ignoring the pain of mothers who have opted to parent. As potential adoptive families...that is a risk we must accept as part of the process. I don't imagine it crossed these people's minds that the mother in this case (or any other case) went through a roller coaster ride of pain before, during and after this scenario played out.

NOW SOMEONE GIVE ME BACK MY BUCKET. It's my prototype for my new venture.

I just read this scripture from a comment someone left on a similar blog: "the wicked snatch fatherless children from their mother's breasts, and take a poor man's baby as a pledge before they will loan him any money or grain" job 24 9

It kind of makes me wonder how people like this even pass homestudies at all being as they are so delusional they believe that adoption is the new pregnant. Pregnant is the only pregnant that will ever be. Sorry. Too bad.

Thank god the natural mom decided to parent her kid instead of allowing this wack job to do so.

"but hopefully people know their roles"?? Okay, and their roles would be what? What an odd thing to write.

Anyway - yes, I am sick of these lame attempts to compare actually giving birth to adopting a child. They are not the same at all, and the comparison only serves to perpetuate the myth that adoption is "as if born to".

Yes, I get it that there are children who need care by non-family members, but that does not justify wiping our their identity to satisfy the needs of selfish adults.

I have seen so many people use these terms.

It is sick. They are mentally ill if they feel the need to be "paper" pregnant etc. If they had dealt with the issues that they cannot have children (most people I have seen using these terms are infertiles), then they wouldn't NEED to have all these slogans. What sad, sick people, and certainly not people I would want near a child as they do not know the difference between reality and fantasy.

Any child THEY adopt would never know the difference between what was real and what wasn't and these sorts of people are the kinds that DON'T tell the child they are adopted.

Sad, deluded individuals... who use their mental imbalances to wreak chaos in other's lives.