Pretentia

I am in my seventh month, and I am in freak out city. This is a planned pregnancy, and we are living abroad. I have a doctor all lined up, and we prepared for this, its no surprise - but the closer this thing gets the more I panic. I don't even know where to pick up on getting all the stuff done I feel needs to get done. The more I realize that regardless of my knowing many women who gave birth and still manage a life that people expect me to stop doing everything I like. I am the only pregnant foreign girl in town, and I feel isolated, scared, and unprepared. I have a great supportive husband, I read four or five books on pregnancy and birth before we even started ttc, am taking on line birth courses - I don't know what else to do, and I don't know how to calm down! Any advice ladies? Any on line resources for making sure you have the essentials? Any tips on talking to young unmarried friends about how I think they are awesome but could they please please take a break from the bar for a weekend so I have some company on a friday night? I feel like I am going nuts - I am not an uptight person, but I feel like I am wound up like a jack in the box - is this normal? Why didn't anyone warn me about the freak outs?!?

I was wondering what level of concern foreigners living in Korea are giving the AES in South Korea. I know that of late they have been ramping up their anti- foreigner propaganda, and I know that a separate group has made death threats against foreign teachers. How concerned are you? what measures do you feel should be taken by the government or by companies bringing foreigners over to Korea, if any?

Now, its no secret that a lot of folks here have issues with adoption, and its no secret that there are major issues with the way adoption is carried out. Coercion, paying for babies, identity tampering, etc. I was wondering if anyone had put any hard thought into what reforms should be made, and what changes should be made. I am coming from a stand point where some alternate guardianships are needed for whatever reason. So, What are the top 5 things that should be changed to make adoption better? Do you think they can be achieved through education and activism, or do you think it would require complete government originated overhaul? I am curious to see what people's ideas are. As for me, I am going to go with...

1. Openness. No adoptive parents should be allowed to decide if they should tell their child they were adopted or not. They should be required to tell the child they were adopted, and if they child wants to know then the situation surrounding their adoption.

2. The child's name not be changed unless it by their own choice later in life. Their birth parent's names be available if the birth parents are willing to be contacted, and a medical history with ethnic heritage should they not be.

3. Counciling for mothers considering giving up their children before they make the choice by unbiased professionals. Easy access to information about any financial aid programs, support groups, etc that might be available to them if they are considering due to a financial situation.

4. Enforcement of open adoptions. Any signed document promising visits, photos, letters, etc be legally binding, and breakable only by proof of abuse or endangerment. However, I feel that if the natural parent consistently fails to keep appointments, etc, then it should be revisited for the emotional welfare of the child.

5. No more for profit adoption agencies. Yes, financial security should be a factor in placements, but not the only one. More follow up visits after adoption, and therapy available for adoptees who feel they would benefit from it.

I think that with public education the first two are possible, the second two would need radical government interference, but that the last is almost impossible - even if its taken over by the government, people want to make money off of what they could. Maybe some kind of system where adoption fees went into charities to help underprivileged parents keep their kids...

any thoughts?

I know I don't always see eye to eye with the adoption section here on yahoo answers, but you are smart folks who I thought might have some insight into this problem. I am in reunion with my birth mother, lets call her Jane. I was adopted first by my grandparents when I was born while Jane went across country for whatever reason, and upon their death when I was still very young by extended family. Without telling a story that goes on for days there was some friction prior to and after my second adoption where Jane could not be found, and then showed up more then a year later and made some unfortunate choices. My adoptive parents didn't always make the best choices either, but allowed contact by phone and letter. They did not allow unsupervised visits due to some concerns they had. Jane disappeared from my life, reappeared when I was about 17, disappeared after telling me that she was too bitter and angry about the past to be good for me (my letters were returned, her phone number changed) and then reappeared about 10 years later. I am glad to be in contact with her, but find it very stressful. I feel obligated to stay in contact and give her the benefit of the doubt and so on... but she lies to me. I wasn't a baby when she was dodging in and out of my life, I was about 5-7 and then 17. I remember things. Not things I was told, but things I overheard or saw. She bad mouths not only my adopted family but other, shared family members who have always been good to me. She refuses to take responsibility for not being in my life, even though at best it was only difficult not impossible (if she called after midnight my adoptive parents wouldn't wake me up for the call, they wouldn't let her fly me across country to spend time with her because of the times they weren't able locate her) She asks things like "is so and so your real family, or part of your adoptive dad's family?". She breaks her word with me, and lets me down. She makes plans to meet with me, and then cancels at the last minute (I haven't seen her in over 20 years). She seems to think that family members who didn't bother to stay in contact with me after I was adopted (despite going to the same church, or them knowing where I was the past 20 years) should be more important to me then my adoptive family. I've tried addressing things head on, but it goes nowhere. I tried just ignoring it when she gets hateful about my other family members, but she keeps it up. Its to the point where I don't trust what she says, and I resent her meddling in my other relationships, but I feel obligated to have her in my life. Anyone have any suggestions on how to deal with this? My adoptive parents haven't said a bad word about her in about 15 years, and they support our contact. Anyone have any insight into why she acts this way, and how I can address it without being hurtful? Or should I just give up? Do I expect to much?

I am about 9 weeks pregnant, and yesterday had some bleeding in the morning. I went into the clinic and she told me it was nothing serious, and everything looked good but that I should take bed rest until it stops completely. I am in a foreign country, and though I speak some of the language and the doctor speaks a good amount of english, I was left a little unclear about just how bedresty bed rest is supposed to be, and just how serious a problem this might be. Its around the time when I would normally be getting my period, and the bleeding is slight. At first it was red, and now it is just brown spotting. Does anyone have any experience with this? Should I be literally in bed all day or can I take the dog out and do laundry, or go to the neighbors place to watch a movie? For now I am erring on the side of caution, and hoping that when I go in for another checkup in a week she gives me the clear to get back to a regular routine.

My birth mother had my grandparents adopt me when I was born. Later, when they died, I was adopted again. She fought the proceedings and lost. She did and said some unfortunate things, and so I grew up with a lot of conflict between her and my adoptive parents. She went out of my life when I was 7, found me again when I was 17, and then cut off contact again. I am now a married adult and am back in contact with her. Our relationship is a little stressful for me, she insists on trash talking my adoptive parents, telling lies about them (yes, I'm sure they are lies, some of it is about things I remember from my teens or childhood), and refuses to take responsibility for the times when she walked out of my life. I try not to dwell on it, and move past it all so I can forge a relationship with her. I am living abroad, and am visiting my home town. She put me through a big emotional fuss about visiting (she wanted me to arrange it so that she didn't have to see my adoptive family) and now, a day before I leave, I get an email that her mother in law was sick last week with a blood clot - she won't come down to see me for two or three days afterall in case they have to move her mother in law. Her husband and my grown brothers all live in the same area as she does. I haven't seen her since I was 7. She has put off seeing me in the past for various reasons. I am hurt and full of anger. I feel like all I get out of our relationship is frustration and stress. I care much more then I want to about how she feels and about being important to her - but I never feel like I measure up. I am thinking about just cutting ties. Am I over reacting? Should I just suck it up and make nice?

I am overweight, and living in a foreign country. I have been losing weight at a good clip since I put my mind to it, but I am getting really frustrated with it. Its just that I am *so* overweight - it gets so overwhelming. Yes, its my fault for letting it happen in the first place, but now I am trying to fix things, and its getting harder and not easier. I'm only about 10% to my goal! What are some tips you use to help keep yourself motivated to eat right and exercise when you are feeling down about it?

My husband and I are trying to conceive and I am reading just about anything I can get my hands on. I am especially interested in books about home birth and alternate pain management. Can you tell me what book was the most helpful to you? Thanks so much.

I came across a great Korean movie on late night tv. The Korean title was something like Garu Gigi. It was a naughty sort of movie, about a guy who is less then well endowed. He finds a magic drink after helping an old guy and his problems are reversed. Can anyone tell me the actual title of this movie? Does it have an english title as well? Where can I find it so I can share its hilarity with my friends?

Can anyone recommend any websites or groups that operate internationally that offer support and so on with weight loss? I am struggling on my own and would like to find a parter to help keep me motivated and to compare notes with.