Have you formed close relationships in your life with people who are in the triad?
Have you found that as a member of the adoption triad, you have been drawn to people that are also members? If so do they tend to be the same as you (i.e. adoptee to adoptee) or to the member you lost (first mom to adoptee) or just any member of the triad?
I have found in my life that I have had many friends who were adoptees, like myself. In fact when I met my ex-husband it was one of the things we bonded over and our first serious conversation was about being adopted.
I'm just curious if others affected be adoption do the same.
2010-03-18T21:01:40Z
I have become friends with several people and later found out that they were adopted. I knew my friend's boyfriend for over a year before I knew he was adopted.
morris the cat2010-03-18T18:40:15Z
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This is an interesting question. I didn't know many adoptees at all while growing up. But even if I heard about someone being adopted who was well known, like a celebrity or athlete, I always felt a curiosity and connection to that person. I had three very close friends growing up who had been abandoned by their fathers at a small age. Two were reunited around the age of 18. I've always wondered why I was drawn to "fatherless" friends. Come to find out, my father abandoned my mother, which is why I was adopted. Hmmmm.
I have a very close friend who lost a child through adoption, and adopted two kids herself, and another very close friend who is an adoptee. When I find out someone is adopted, I automatically feel a connection and sense of understanding. I also notice that we share many of the same quirks and insecurities.
I have been fortunate enough to develop close friendships with several adoptees and dozens of first mothers, over the years. Some of them are my closest friends going back 25 years and we've never had a disagreement about anything!
I've even met a few seemingly savvy adoptive parents over the years at conferences or who came to my f2f group, but I have not had any long term friendships with any of them. I think it's often difficult for first and adoptive mothers to feel totally comfortable with each other.
There is something to be said for having people in our lives who understand why we are the people we are. It's just easier to talk and share feelings when we don't have to be guarded in what we tell each other.
I've been drawn more to first mothers. Most of the relationships I have are with first mothers.
That being said, I can spot an adoptee from a mile away. It's like there is something programmed in me.
Since I'm only in high school, most of the adoptees I know are still on the kool-aid (some of them will never stop drinking it, I'm afraid). So, I tend not to hang around them because it's triggering when they talk about adoption in such a positive way (sometimes just to hurt me).
Yes, I have found many friends in the adoption triad tho I think my experiences with my own APs make it difficult for me to form relationships with other APs. I have met a few that I stay in contact with and we are learning quite a bit from each other. I really form the strongest bonds with other adoptees and first moms. We talk about everyday stuff most of the time but knowing that we have each other to talk to, someone who understands the challenges of being adopted, when we do have those rough days really helps.
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