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Have you formed close relationships in your life with people who are in the triad?
Have you found that as a member of the adoption triad, you have been drawn to people that are also members? If so do they tend to be the same as you (i.e. adoptee to adoptee) or to the member you lost (first mom to adoptee) or just any member of the triad?
I have found in my life that I have had many friends who were adoptees, like myself. In fact when I met my ex-husband it was one of the things we bonded over and our first serious conversation was about being adopted.
I'm just curious if others affected be adoption do the same.
I have become friends with several people and later found out that they were adopted. I knew my friend's boyfriend for over a year before I knew he was adopted.
11 Answers
- morris the catLv 51 decade agoFavorite Answer
This is an interesting question. I didn't know many adoptees at all while growing up. But even if I heard about someone being adopted who was well known, like a celebrity or athlete, I always felt a curiosity and connection to that person. I had three very close friends growing up who had been abandoned by their fathers at a small age. Two were reunited around the age of 18. I've always wondered why I was drawn to "fatherless" friends. Come to find out, my father abandoned my mother, which is why I was adopted. Hmmmm.
I have a very close friend who lost a child through adoption, and adopted two kids herself, and another very close friend who is an adoptee. When I find out someone is adopted, I automatically feel a connection and sense of understanding. I also notice that we share many of the same quirks and insecurities.
- Carol cLv 61 decade ago
I have been fortunate enough to develop close friendships with several adoptees and dozens of first mothers, over the years. Some of them are my closest friends going back 25 years and we've never had a disagreement about anything!
I've even met a few seemingly savvy adoptive parents over the years at conferences or who came to my f2f group, but I have not had any long term friendships with any of them. I think it's often difficult for first and adoptive mothers to feel totally comfortable with each other.
There is something to be said for having people in our lives who understand why we are the people we are. It's just easier to talk and share feelings when we don't have to be guarded in what we tell each other.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I've been drawn more to first mothers. Most of the relationships I have are with first mothers.
That being said, I can spot an adoptee from a mile away. It's like there is something programmed in me.
Since I'm only in high school, most of the adoptees I know are still on the kool-aid (some of them will never stop drinking it, I'm afraid). So, I tend not to hang around them because it's triggering when they talk about adoption in such a positive way (sometimes just to hurt me).
Source(s): My life. - Anonymous1 decade ago
Yes, I have found many friends in the adoption triad tho I think my experiences with my own APs make it difficult for me to form relationships with other APs. I have met a few that I stay in contact with and we are learning quite a bit from each other. I really form the strongest bonds with other adoptees and first moms. We talk about everyday stuff most of the time but knowing that we have each other to talk to, someone who understands the challenges of being adopted, when we do have those rough days really helps.
Source(s): I am an adult adoptee. - How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
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- monkeykitty83Lv 61 decade ago
About half of the friends I spend time with socially are adoptees, including one of my two best friends. I'm not adopted myself; I hope to adopt from foster care someday.
I think this is just coincidence, though, because I became friends with them for other reasons (co-workers, had a mutual friend, lived in the same apartment complex, etc. and we found we had things in common and had fun together) and not specifically because they were adoptees. I didn't find out they were adopted till later after we were already spending time together. But for whatever reason, a significant percentage of the people I've happened to click with in general have turned out to be adoptees.
- CleopatraLv 51 decade ago
Yes because we need to be with those who truly understand us. While there is plenty of great literature on the subject, it doesn't reflect the more real lived experience of adoption. For myself as a birth mother, I feel closer to adoptees and vice versa. My daughters best friend is adopted and often she comes around to ask me questions or sometimes I'll just catch her looking at me. And for me too, I keep my ears perked to listen to her opinions and stuff when she's over at my house. It's not like we have sat down and talked about "adoption" but a more instinctual/protective part in me that understands her soul and hers that understands mine.
- LinnyLv 61 decade ago
I never knew anyone who was adopted, other than myself and my a bro, until I was in high school.
Since I have become active again in adoption reform, I have had the privilege of meeting a lot of adoptees, adoptive parents and first moms whom I now call my friends.
Source(s): being adopted - kennebunklmtLv 51 decade ago
My cousin was adopted at birth and she and I are very close- but we always have been (not just since I adopted children myself).
I do have several close friends who are foster/adoptive parents and a guardian (GAL). I also have a close friend who has adopted children from China and Africa.
I was close with these people anyway- not because of the adoption connection. It does give us something in common, but we already had that due to other similarities that made us friends. I don't reach out to people soley because of adoption, but it's nice to be able to talk about it with people who are involved.
Source(s): Mom of 2 adopted foster daughters and 1 birth son. Former foster child myself. - cricketladyLv 71 decade ago
No I haven't found that to be the case. I never take into consideration if they are a member of the triad. Friends are friends---and come from all walks of life.