Carol c

This question is toward adoptees and first moms based on privacy rights under HIPAA, which you can read about here:

http://www.privacyrights.org/fs/fs8b-MedFAQ.htm#1

I was successful once I cited my rights under HIPAA to get copies of my agency files; including social worker notes about me. I am aware of some moms and adoptees in my search groups successfully getting their records this way after being denied in the past.

Just wondering how much luck some of you have had getting this information that should be rightfully ours?

Many of us have pain, hurt and anger about having been adopted or having our child stolen from us. I have found a son who is stuck in anger and uses his anger to sabotage every relationship in his life. He finds fault with anyone who disagrees with him. Sadly, I've met a few other adoptees and first mothers who seem to be stuck in anger to the point they feel no compassion for anyone else.

My therapist tells me that anger is one thing but it's what one does with it that counts. As an example, I have come to accept that no matter how much of an injustice it was, I will never, ever get my son back. Nothing including a national apology will fix that for me. Others might feel they need restitution and that is their choice; but wouldn't be a fix for me.

I'm curious as to how others affected by the injustices of adoption deal with it it? A friend and I were discussing healthy vs. toxic anger and my therapist suggested some books and different ways of coping with the pain. I'm interested in hearing what others do?

http://www.grandtimes.com/Anger.html

What do you think of this recommended article which contains some myth busters about healthy ways to deal with anger? Does it make sense to you?

I have been offered work with the Census and the pay is good, hours are flexible and I am seriously considering accepting - even though it's temporary. Would I be paid as an employee with taxes deducted or do I complete a 1099 and compensated as an Independent Contractor?

Do those of you object still feel we need to start over?

The Insurance industry isn't starting over and they continue to deny coverage for pre-existing conditions, jacking up the rates and cancelling policies.

I cannot see why some are still objecting. What do you think?

Do you think he's "proving a point" or just totally reckless and unconcerned about the impact of his decision on millions of Americans on Unemployment and Cobra?

I am quoting a friend of mine who says the following. "Reunion may be a bi-product of restored access to OBCS, although, it is never a guarantee. However, reunion is not the reason our OBCs should be restored to us. Adoptees should gain access to their OBCs as a matter of EQUALITY. Period. No other citizen is denied their factual birth documentation but adoptees; no one can argue that adoptees are treated differently than every other citizen and no one can provide a good enough reason why should have fewer civil rights than anyone else does."

I know a different version of this was asked earlier, but I cannot stop thinking about what a tragedy adoption was for so many of us.

Every ad I see, every positive adoption story I read reminds me of how I was forced to give up my child in 1966 and how that pain never stopped.

Do songs like this help people understand or do most people just blow it off saying this was not the norm?

Joni Mitchell - The Magdelene Laundries

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwgTSC-stIM&feature...

Just-released new song about Adoption, Zara Phillips & DMC

"I'm Legit": http://www.youbloom.com/web/zaradmc Press release: http://www.zarahphillips.com/pressrelease.shtml

Below is what I think an excellent response to the NCFA's latest clarification of it's archaic agenda - to fight open records for adopted people in order to protect the privacy of women who never asked for anonymity but had it imposed upon them. Do you agree with this?

http://unsealedinitiativenewyork.vox.com/

I went on a cruise in Dec. and had a pet sitter staying at my house. But my neighbor/friend offered to look in during the day on the pets when the pet sitter was at work. I have alot of handcrafted jewelry/beads etc. I noticed a week or so ago that one of the pieces that the neighbor had admired is missing. I really don't believe the pet sitter took it for several reasons - she came highly recommended, this kind of thing isn't her style and if she was going to steal something, I hardly think it would be this particular piece.

It's not hugely valuable - but it was very sentimental and the beads were brought back from Africa by a friend many years ago. I had even told the neighbor that fact when she's admired it in the past.

What do I do? Confront her in which case I would guess she'd deny it?

I have no proof but I honestly can't think of anyone else who would do this? I'm equally hurt and angry to think someone I trusted would do this.

Do you think as I do that some of them are adoptive parents who are threatened that their own child might search?

Why do some of the olives stay here for months asking the same questions over and over ad nauseum trying to imply there is something unhealthy about adopted people and/or their mothers and fathers trying to find each other?

It's amusing on one hand at how childish they behave, but I fear it's really a sign of some serious insecurities. What's your take?

Ok, this is a long one - if you get bored easily you might want to take a pass.

I live in a 37 unit Condo Community built in the 1970s of Cedar. It's very charming but naturally we have many challenges We also have an Assoc board led by a controlling president who tries to get all services cheap. I understand these are tough times but this guy is not just prudent; he insists on using shoddy ! He'll often make repairs himself (often not adequately) to avoid paying anyone. He insists everyone is too expensive and don't deserve to be paid what they ask. When anyone complains - such as myself last summer after a major light pole near my condo was out for 4 months, they're considered a troublemaker. The president told others I was "too aggressive because I kept asking about it during that period!".This was a major lamppost outside of our pool, as well but he told a neighbor that I act too pushy because I'm from "back East"! LOL I get the feeling that women are supposed to be seen but not heard, with this guy.

I am living in a major Nebraska city and it should be no suprise to anyone that we get snow around these parts. This winter we have a new snow removal provider who was cheaper than the last 2. Actually it's our landscaping company who does a great job maintaining the lawns in the summer; but have totally dropped the ball when we have snowfall/ice. They claim they are only to come if we have more than 2" of snow. This doesn't make sense to me - even when there is only 1" of snow - it often ends up freezing. I have fallen as have a couple of other neighbors - twice in the past week. I verbally told the president that this is now a safety issue for several of us and that I was going to withhold my association dues until we get proper service for ice removal.

Can I actually do this? If not, what else can I do? I was so impressed the first winter I was here that we had a service that was out at 5 am blowing snow & salting if we had anything more than a flurry.

The Pres. of the Assoc. was out shoveling today and insisted he didn't know what to tell me about all the ice and snow- we didn't have 2" of snow!

I really want to withhold my association dues until this is resolved.

I've met a few fathers over the years who have serious sadness about losing a child to adoption, but usually it's mothers who read and post on sites such as this. Wondering why that is?

In other words - for those of you interested in search, would you prefer to find or be found? Or does it even matter either way?

I'm specifically thinking of the different organizations that exist or that First Mothers start for support and/or activism. If some mothers have a different focus or issue that they choose to work on - others who feel their organization's point of view is superior start stalking the blogs, anonymously posting that a particular group of mothers are selfish because they want to work on different issues.... I am thinking of the attack by one or two mothers from one organization against a newer one - SMAAC (Senior Mothers Adoption Activism Coalition). The 1 or 2 attacking mothers state that they have been adoption activists longer and their way is the only right way and that these newer groups have an agenda that will never work.

This is stunning and meanspirited but it is what it is. While I don't wish to debate these hostile mothers who are attacking what they call "Senior Mothers", I am just curious as to what possible reason would justify their anger? Anyone care to speculate? I'm seriously trying to understand what drives these women to be so territorial and hostile.

For clarity, I am a member of the aforementioned SMAAC which for some reason is causing 2 or 3 mothers who don't agree with our agenda the inability to sleep at night. They frantically post angry messages in the wee hours insulting this organization and claiming we're hurting their feelings because we don't use to work on the same issues.

Can this really be true or is something else going on here?

Just started using this product and wondering if they work and if there have been any negatives about the product?