How do you handle the anger around your adoption experience?

I stared death in the face and won. That was what it took for me to get over my anger, to almost die, almost lose everything, almost orphan ALL of my children. In the last year most of my anger has melted away and I truly live each day as though it will be my last because now I understand fully that it could be. I still feel pain over my adoption losses but I don't allow them to consume me, nor do I rage over them.

I still allow myself to vent a healthy dose of snark though... betcha can't guess what outlet I use for that ;-)

I dunno...I don't think I'm angry, I've always been a very emotionally aloof person but it honestly seems to be my nature rather than anything else, even when I was little before I understood what adoption was I had difficulty expressing myself emotionally, well not difficulty rather an unwillingness.What people have noted in me that is almost unusual is the fact that I am never angry, or never express it anyway, it takes so much negative energy to be angry that I just can't do it, and usually will just think things out quietly and calmly until I feel better.A lot of adoptees are bitter or angry about being adopted but I'm not or maybe I am just excellent at repressing emotion?

Honestly, I just try to stay in tune with my feelings, and try to understand what exactly it is that I'm mad about. Then I figure out if it is something I can change, or if it is something that someone else is doing. If it is something someone else is doing to make me mad, I try to understand that it is likely their hangup that is causing them to act the way they do.

As far as adoption, what would help a great deal is the understanding of others. There are so many people willing to dismiss my feelings, feelings that I have had to come to terms with through long, arduous process, and this is really a setback for me. I feel that I am not expressive enough to be able to get my point across.

There are so many stereotypes and myths about adoption, and we really need to break them down and understand that they are just that: Myths. And Stereotypes. It is upsetting to have my feelings be so unvalidated. THAT angers me.

With some of the other aspects of adoption, the anger I have comes from legalized lies and laws that keep adoptees from knowing their true history. I can quell this a bit, knowing that I am doing my part to spread the word about these atrocities.

Activisim, and getting in touch with my feelings have really helped me these last few years.

I wouldn't let anybody get emotionally close to me for many years and it took reunion for me to realize anger is to a certain degree a wasted emotion for me. I know my parents will never understand the pain I have been through, the damage they have done or acknowledge what they did was wrong. Once I accepted that the only person who can make me feel better is myself by dealing with how I feel I lost that anger.

As embarrassing as it is for me to admit, I really did not feel "angry" about my adoption experience until a few years ago- until I finally allowed myself to admit publicly, and to myself, how adoption has negatively affected me, both of my families and millions of other adoptees and first Moms.

I do agree with it is what you do with it that counts. I also agree with some of the myths and realities listed in the article, but not all. I only glanced at it, but I do not think one should ever ignore their anger. We just need to deal with it better.

For me, it has been very helpful for me to figure out exactly WHO is angry during a particular event. Is it the adult Linda reacting, or is it the hurt baby Claire who is reacting? Am I really "angry", or am I afraid...do I feel threatened, am I experiencing another grief episode? etc etc. That misplaced "anger", or not knowing WHO is angry/sad/afraid has sabotaged many relationships in my life.

As you said, nothing will ever change the fact that I am adopted. Nothing will ever take away that pain. Being active in adoption reform and giving support to pregnant women who are being pressured to surrender their children, supporting other like-minded adoptees, helping natural families and adoptees search for each other, and even talking with realistic adoptive parents as to what their adoptive child may be going through helps me a lot.

But, when I am truly angry, particularly with adoption related stuff, I write. Mostly I write things that no one will ever read, sometimes I write things for my act. I also talk with other like-minded adoptees and first Moms who have been brave enough to confront these issues. When those things fail, I talk to my dogs.

I had counseling around the time I decided to search. It prepared me somewhat to deal with might happen in reunion. I have not been able to forgive the adults in my life at the time I gave my daughter up. I try to keep in the back of my mind but then blam, it rears it's ugly head and I have to start over. I keep these feeling to myself and then let them out using my strategy of screaming in an empty house. Hey it works for me.

I don't believe I will ever get over giving my daughter up and that was 38 years ago, but I sure try to live with it constructively. I would never want another woman to have to live through giving a child up. Unless you've lived it (and you have) a woman has no idea, how giving a child up can screw with your psyche.

my son is so angry that i can't talk to him he feel that i abandon him which is an out right lie

he was stolen and after 40 years I have got to try my best to go on with my life because

if i don't i will get sick it's not that i don't love him i always will but i will not tolerate verbal abuse

so i at this point in my life i must think of me and pray that one day he gets over his anger

and realizes that i wanted him very much yes it hurts very much but i can't dwell on this forever

all i could do is pray he grows up amd become a man

I think my anger toward my Aps, the adoption industry and the selfish saintly participants will be resolved once I get away from my adopters & find my mother and my family.

I'm thinking about going to law school and fighting the adoption racket. Child trafficking and treating adoptees as well as young, less affluent fertile women as second class needs to end.

I don't let it poison my life.

I just vent through my writings and let it sit that way.

wait, most of the time you all are saying you aren't angry and get annoyed when people say you sound angry.

which is it?