WHO could I contact to get the rightful benefits for being a caregiver to a disabled veteran?

Question

My b/f has multiple sclerosis, and it is progressively getting worse.  For the past 2 years I have assisted him out of bed, with dressing, bathing, etc.  December 09, he was physically forced to take an EARLY RETIREMENT based on disability.  The only thing he does for himself is feed himself, and go to the bathroom(where he requires assistance).  The army says he didn't contract MS while in the military, although he was showing the symptoms, thus he is ineligible for full veterans benefits.  I had a GOOD paying job, got laid off for 3 months, but when I was called back, I elected not to return as my b/f needed me at home.  I  don't get a day off.  I have to be here to get him up every day, dress him, fix his meals.  I can get out for a few hours BUT ONLY IF HE WEARS HIS ALARM AROUND HIS NECK so that if he falls, slides out of his chair, etc..he can get help.  I have to be back in time to prepare his dinner, and put him to bed when he is ready, and this is sometimes 3a.m.  I get NO PAY for this, and if anyone says anything about it, I do it for ROOM AND BOARD.  I feel that there has to be financial help out there for me as well as physical.

Teddy&#39;s Mom Chiliswoman · Accepted Answer

MS is not a service connected disability, even if he did begin to show signs of it while in the military. He was going to get MS whether he was in the military or not. My guess is that financially he is in a much better situation than had he had not been in the military. If he was under 21 when he started to show signs he could also be eligible for SSI for possibly SSDI.

I don't know why you think you are entitled to benefits as a caregiver. You may well be entitled to pay since you are not married to him. Marry the guy if you want benefits as a spouse (which you do get as a veteran's wife, but not if he wasn't a veteran.)

Do you think parents of kids with disabilities get pay or days off? Do you think when people acquire disabilities in middle age their husbands and wives get paid to take care of them or get days off? Do you think people who grow old together and than one acquires Alzheimer's gets pay or get days off?

If you don't like the situation - move out -  and let him hire a caregiver with what he saves from not paying your room and board. You can go back to work. 

And btw - just cause he's disabled doesn't mean he has the right to be inconsiderate. Expecting you to put him to bed at his whim is inconsiderate. Decide on a reasonable schedule - be flexible if you like, but if you don't want to be at his beck and call - don't be.

Anonymous · Answer

FIRST OF ALL!!
I have to say to teddy

that you are so wrong about parents with disabled children as far as not being paid goes. i know that at least in CA there is a thing called In Home Support Services, a parent can sign up for that and they will provide in come for the allotted hours they give you. Anyone can use this if they are taking care of a disabled person. My dad did it, my friends who took care of me did it and HEY my BOYFRIEND gets paid for taking care of me.

HOW DARE you say you don't know why she thinks she is entitled to pay. Do you have any idea how hard being a caregiver is? No, even when a caregiver is being paid it isn't just for the money. Because caregivers rarely get paid enough for the hours they put in.

Now I would say you should look up a program like ihss in your state. if you tell me where you are from I can look for you =]

Anonymous · Answer

Let us hope not. If there is any way that a soon to be, or former spouse can get hands on veterans' disability benefits, then you can rest assured that the next political silly season will see this at the top of the list of things to be fixed. I can and will see to that.

Anonymous · Answer

I have MS. I find it difficult to believe that your boyfriend was denied full benefits. I think you might not have your facts straight. The military can and does give benefits to many veterans who exhibit signs of MS while in the military. In fact as long as someone has been honorably discharged, they can receive benefits even if they are diagnosed with MS seven years after being discharged. All they have to do is contact the office of veterans affairs. 

Make sure that you read the information on the grants that are available to veterans with MS. 

Read for yourself- http://www4.va.gov/ms/multiple-sclerosis-veterans-benefits.asp

Anonymous · Answer

As you can see from http://www.caregiving.org/, caregiving for veterans provisions and funding is about to change. You may want to join the study listed here. There are also links to caregiver coalitions that will be able to tell you how this all works at the moment for you. See also Financial Assistance for Caregivers http://www.nationalresourcedirectory.gov/family_and_caregiver_support/caregiver_support/caring_for_injured_service_members_and_veterans/financial_assistance_for_caregivers

You may also wish to contact the local MS Society to see what supports they might have as well as other coalitions and charities for people with disabilities, service clubs and church groups.

I would strongly suggest you start your own caregiver blog to record your work and your search for recognition/financial support/respite from this onerous work the crazy culture EXPECTS women to provide simply on the basis of gender!

See also http://www.askbiblitz.com/disability.php for more on caregivers/caregiving and the capriciousness of resources from one mom who recently published her story in Harper's.

Anonymous · Answer

No .  it is not a service connected disease.  You are born with that one.  Sad but that's life.  He won't get the full check but there are no limitations on the medical help he can obtain through the VA and there is probably a program where you can be hired if you have the right basic credentials.
You can't go at it from the I am his GF route though.  That carries no weight and neither does all you have done which I see you did from your heart.
A veteran draws slight increase if he is married but not much.
Remember with the Va you have to ask they won't offer anything.  Check with the main office in your area.

WHO could I contact to get the rightful benefits for being a caregiver to a disabled veteran?

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