My husband is bipolar and not on medication for it. Here in the past month he's went from being a loving husband and a doting father to a guy that doesn't want to be around me or our 19 month old. He would rather run around with his buddies and go everywhere with everyone else. I've sat him down and talked to him, and the only thing he can tell me is that he's not happy with our marriage or our relationship anymore. And when asked why he's not happy, he can't give me an answer. To him, there's no reason why he's not happy. I'm currently 8 months pregnant and it's getting to where I'm getting depressed from being around him. And our 19 month old has gotten to where she throws things around just out of the blue and there are more marked "I want attention" fits. I'm having to take his place in her life and it's taking it's toll on me because it's putting me under that much more stress. And he refuses to admit that he's depressed and he refuses to go to counseling like my OB suggested.
I'm thinking about giving him an ultimatum of either getting professional help or not being there when our second child is born. What do yall think?
2010-04-27T18:24:44Z
In response to Wisen Smart: When I sat down and talked to him he still loves me and our kids, he still wants to be there for us, and he still wants to be a part of our lives. And he'll say "If we ever do separate, I still want to be able to see the kids."
Onyx ♠2010-04-27T18:47:33Z
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I suffered from bipolar and hated taking my meds as they made everything fuzzy and I felt I couldn't feel my emotions properly. I eventually stayed on my meds for 2 years straight and with help from my psychiatrist slowly came off them and haven't needed medication for 6 years. When I wouldn't take my meds, I distanced myself from my husband and my young son, I felt like the responsibility was too much. It took me having a mental breakdown and spending time in hospital to get me taking my meds but by the time I came out of hospital my head was more together and I began bonding with my children again, unfortunately the damage to my marriage had been done.
I feel your husband has changed from being the man you married to the distant husband and father you are living with now because he is on a downward spiral. He would be feeling it is easier to be with his mates as the everyday stresses of life and responsibility aren't bothering him then.
He needs to be on medication. The ultimatum might work but he isn't thinking clearly and it may end badly. Being there for when the baby is born may not, in his present state of mind be important to him. If he loves you then perhaps the ultimatum needs to be that he gets help or loses his family until he does get help. If he still loves you like he tells you, maybe losing you will be the incentive he needs to get the help you all need. Let him know that you love him and want to support him but it is hard to support someone who won't support them self.
This is a really tough thing to deal with and I wish you the best of luck in finding your solution.
Being bipolar is a serious condition and he should definitely talk to someone and perhaps discuss medication. If he's so unhappy with his life and your marriage then he needs to step up and be willing to work things out with you, especially with a child and another one on the way. You can do two things in this situation. One, you can keep chipping away at him until you break through. Meaning try to gently push him into talking more with you about what he is feeling and what is wrong, and gently push him toward caring more for your daughter and also to talking to someone. If this doesn't work, and you are the very end of what you can handle, then an ultimatum seems like the only other thing to do. If he agrees to professional help, that's a good step. You could say that you need him to go see someone and reach out for help, otherwise you don't know if you can stick around and watch him destroy his life, his relationship with both you and his daughter and raise your children in an environment like this. Maybe this would push him to do something and open his eyes.
And in my opinion, I would let him be there for the birth of his second child. It only happens once, and he deserves to be there, no matter what your problems are. You still love each other and it's the right/nice thing to do.
He can't give you a reason why because he doesn't have a reason why.Just look at it as crazy pregnancy hormones or PMS hormones...you have minimal control over it and it's frustrating as hell. Giving him that ultimatum is NOT cool.That is the birth of his child..there is no going back.But...I do agree that he needs to come to the realization that he has a issue and it is bringing down his life around him.If he doesn't want to get on medication, he needs to find some way to balance things out either through natural remedies or counseling because it's not healthy for the family. Write him a letter if he isn't "getting it" with a talk. Good luck.
He does need help however I guess I question that someone that severely depressed or bipolar has enough energy to go out and be with others like his buddies. I don't know if I believe your husband completely in that regard (mental illness). I used to date someone who was severely depressed and he could barely get out of bed and take a shower and did not want to be around people at all. If he is that unhappy and can't figure out why, some counseling would help. Either that or he is just not saying why he is unhappy. Best of luck to you. I wish I had better answers.
"My husband is bipolar and not on medication for it" Your first clue that he has no respect for you, your feelings, your marriage or your child.
"He would rather run around with his buddies and go everywhere with everyone else" Your second clue that he has no respect for you, your feelings, your marriage or your child.
"he's not happy with our marriage or our relationship anymore" Not only does he have no respect for you, he doesn't even want to be with you anymore & he's basically told you this.
"he refuses to admit that he's depressed" Anyone with true depression will tell you that when you're depressed, you first instinct is NOT to go out partying with your buddies all the time.
You need to face the facts, my dear. You no longer have a relationship with this guy. Offer him your ultimatum, but I don't think his answer is going to be what you want it to be.