What is family to you?

It dawns on me as I read through the historical Q and A on here that the definition of family very much depends on who is answering the question. I often read adoped people here say they have two families and 4 parents. I also read that sometimes people don't recognize their adopters as family and then others who say they don't think of their blood relationships as family at all. I looked up the legal definitions by country to get some points of reference which were also interesting.

So what's your definition of family? Why? If you feel that you have four parents--doesn't that make them family to each other as well? Why or why not? I always think people are compartmentalizing or are in avoidance when they say their adoptive parents and biological parents have nothing to do with each other or they purposefully keep them seperate. Why would someone feel it is important to do that?

2010-05-31T17:05:55Z

My frame of reference for feeling that the adoptive and bio family is "family" is that a divorced couple who have children are still family. The one they have in common is the child and they are not related by blood.

Control might be in the eye of the beholder...I had a bio mom tell me that she's upset with her bio daughter for being a control freak and not wanting contact between her and the adoptive mom.

?2010-05-31T11:22:35Z

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Interesting Question.......... Speaking for myself only, The word " Family" Doesn't mean anything... As far as I am concerned , I never had a family , nor do I have one now. Instead, I use the word " Solo" ..ie... Alone, By My Self, Just me.
I was given up for adoption the day I was born, So I am guessing that I wasn't wanted by my birth parents, And I never really fit in with my adopted parents either..... My adopted Mom was a good person, And she had a big heart, But unfortunately she died at the age of 41 when I was 16 yrs old, Shortly after her death my adopted Dad kicked me out of the house, Just because he didn't want to deal with me anymore, So since the age of 16 I have been on my own! The only person that has ever looked out for me , Is me. This is all I know.
Today is Memorial Day, Every one is with their families , having bbqs and having a good time, And here I sit answering your question...... yeah I know, Its pretty pathetic..... But, What are you going to do.......
To answer your question..... The word "Family" doesn't mean anything to me.......
Love Few, Hate Many,Trust No One....

rain cloud2010-05-31T17:04:55Z

My family is my adopted family. they are the person who took me out of that orphanage, and saved my life from being in there. since i don't remember my real family, i don't consider people who might even be dead, all the way in Ukraine as family... i don't feel like i have 4 parents, only 1. well, that's because the woman who adopted me isn't married... so i only apparently have 3 parents.. to biological and 1 not... Although i still do miss and want to meet my real mom a lot...

Christine R2010-05-31T16:59:59Z

ok family to me is not about hurting anyone ,now what i mean is i have been told that i am adopted a family adoption ie my uncle is my dad no not incest his sister is my mother now as it happens i only have 1 sibling left as the rest died young. Yes i am curious however i would not hurt my sibling by asking for dna and as for my cousins who would then be my sisters i have no wish to hurt them either >This is for Matt who posted on this subject Matt i was like you and could never understand why noe i think i know why i always felt different.Im sending you a big (((((hug))))) please accept it, as for your birth mother not wanting you , you cant be sure of this my husband was adopted i found his birth mother a few years ago it turns out she was 14 when she had him and she had no say.

小黃2010-05-30T18:45:40Z

If you feel that you have four parents--doesn't that make them family to each other as well? Why or why not?

No, because they are not in legal or blood relation to each other. *I* (at the very least) have a legal relationship with my mom and dad, and *I* have a biological relationship with my mother and father. My adoptive parents and bio parents do not have a legal or blood connection. They do not have a relationship with *each other.*



I always think people are compartmentalizing or are in avoidance when they say their adoptive parents and biological parents have nothing to do with each other or they purposefully keep them seperate.

Well... mine don't have anything to do with each other. Take a woman who only speaks English and who adopted her child, and take a woman who only speaks Chinese and who birthed the child that the English-speaking woman adopted.

What do they have in common? Me. That's it. They don't have the same culture, they don't speak the same language, they have no way of "connecting." They live in different timezones and on opposite points of the globe! What relationship is there? How can a relationship form when neither speaks the other's language and they live in opposite countries?

So yes, my adoptive parents have nothing to do with my bio parents.



Why would someone feel it is important to do that?

For the adoptee's equilibrium.

Hann.X2010-05-31T10:23:36Z

For me I'm not sure what family is. I'm very differant to my adoptive family and therefor I don't feel as if we get on as well as my friends and their families. I do feel as if I have to families but I don't know one of them, My actual family. I wonder if one day I will find out more about them but for now knowing I am a part of their family is enough. I have my adoptive family and I think as far as they know they're my only family but in my head I don't really count them. They're just people who raised me.

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