Adoptive parents - How do you respond to other adoptive parents completely unrealistic expectations?
On a group for adoptive parents that I'm on, there's a family who recently adopted their child (internationally). They were told when they got the referral for their child that the child had cerebral palsy and vision differences. Now, those who have adopted internationally, know (or at least SHOULD know) that that could end up meaning a wide range of things and the adoptive parents just won't REALLY know the prognosis of the child until seeing the child and having a medical evaluation by a doctor they trust, and that they should be prepared for the gammet of possibilities. Now the new adoptive mother of this child has found out that this little boy's prognosis is that he will never walk or talk, and he is completely blind, and he is now in an intensive care unit with breathing problems. This is a very, very sick little boy. Now, however much any adoptive parent has prepared themselves, this would be completely overwhelming, terrifying, and sad for anyone. And of course this woman is completely beside herself. That's not my problem with her. Throughout her adoption process, she would say things to the effect that whatever this little boy needed, God would take care of him. ("God" also provided the money she begged from other people to be able to adopt!) Even now that he's critically ill and she has an accurate idea of his prognosis, she actually says she knows God will heal all of his medical problems! Prayers are the answer! Can this woman truly be ready to handle a child who will be dependent his whole lifetime, or deal with the possible reality of her child even dying very soon after she adopted him? I personally don't think so. Anyway, my question is, when you are talking to other adoptive parents and they express really unrealistic expectations, how do you respond? Calling them out doesn't work, just makes you the freak of the group and noone listens to you anymore. Gentler approaches I've found just kinda get ignored in the dozens of other responses that support the outrageous expectations. So, what can be done? anything? Oh, this family also has another child (also adopted) whose life is greatly affected by these unrealistic expectations - he'll now have parents completely consumed with the caretaking of his sibling.
Oh, this may sound like bashing "Christian" adoptive parents, but that's not what I'm trying to do. I've know very religious parents who've not had these kinds of unrealistic expectations and also those with unrealistic expectations that aren't connected to religion. It's just the case in this example.
Adore Him - I really respect you. I'm sure you would be praying, and do pray, for your children's health. Believe me, I pray for my own child's health. What I don't think you would do is adopt a medical needs child with no plan to pay for medical expenses, no plan for how you would arrange time off work, no plan for how you would arrange for the care of your other child who needs his parents, too - no plan at all, except to pray. There is nothing wrong with praying, and I don't mean to say that I think praying for your child is wrong. What is wrong is to have that as your only plan of action in parenting.
Oh, Adore Him - Please don't think I meant YOU would only pray and do nothing else. I said you wouldn't. I was differentiating you from this other mom as the type of highly religious parent who would responsibly prepare for their child's needs and that I can really respect. I am so very sorry to hear of your husband's diagnosis. My mom died of lung cancer in March. It is such a cruel, horrible disease.
Again, everyone, I'm interested in how you respond when other parents have unrealistic expectations - not necessarily connected to religion. I think the religious aspect in my example in this particular woman's thinking made this question something I didn't intend.
update on the little boy - they found that he had a stroke and that's what put him in such an intensive state. He now has severe brain damage. So incredibly sad.