My Husband Is Homesick All the Time?

Question

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. For 3 of those years we lived in our homestate and saw our families all the time. Well, for the past 2 years we've been living in Germany. I'm the military member and I'm used to being away from family - I consider my husband and our daughter my family and where ever we are is home to me. My husband is a civillian and in the past 2 years he's gone home 4 times (2 of those times were entire family trips.) Once again, he wants us all to go back to our hometown for a couple weeks. When we moved to Europe I wanted to travel and see Paris, Rome, and Athens - but all my husband wants to do is go back home! He says that he hates it here and he gets homesick still. He says that it will be better when we move back to the states, but we won't be stationed in our hometown again (that was a humanitarian assignment for me.) I am NOT happy with the way things are right now and my husband's "failure to adapt" to our first PCS away from our hometown. I was already in the military when we married, I gave him plenty of outs beforehand and I'm NOT planning on getting out. I've always been career minded and economically right now it would be stupid to get out. Does anyone out there think there's a possibility that it will get better when we get back to the US? Or will he continue being unhappy and depressed no matter where we are?

2010-07-10T23:46:44Z

In addition to all the trips home his parents have come out to visit once already. Also, we can't travel Europe and go home all the time - we can't afford it! It's a minimum of $2000 in airfare alone everytime we go home. I made it perfectly clear to him that I intend to stay in the military before we were married. I understand being homesick and missing family but it's been 2 years and he still wants to go home every six months. I feel that he's being selfish wanting to spend our entire travel account to go home everytime we get enough money to take a trip here in Europe.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My hubby is always homesick. We made the choice to move back to my hometown to be nearer my family after our daughter was born. At the time it was the right choice for me, I needed My mother, not his, I needed familiarity and he understood. In saying that, it was not an easy transition for him to make. Although he knew my family and my friends from home, they were my family and friends, not his. It got better, he made friends and my friends (most of whom are male) eventually became his friends too. But twice a year we holiday with his family and every second year we spend the entire summer with them.
It works for us and more importantly hubby's happy.

? · Answer

Going home twice a year is not a lot.  He treasures family and that should comfort you.  Do you want to see your daughter only a couple of times a year when she leaves home?  Marriage takes compromise, and things will get better if you both learn to do that.  I think it's possible for you to visit home and still visit parts of Europe.  But if you continue to think in terms of his "failure to adapt" and "your plans" then it will not matter where you are.  The two of you must decide on a shared plan that you can both be happy with. If you do truly mean that your husband and daughter are your family and your home is where ever they are, then learn to compromise.

Murad עומד עם ישראל · Answer

You have a stupid man. He should not have married you knowing you are in the military and would be alternately stationed often. At a young age he is rooted to his hometown like a tree and has no cosmopolitan excitement. And he's whiney like a baby. Finally, he seems to be the lesser between the two of you in terms of career (what does he do in Europe by the way, is he a "stay-at-home dad"? Puke!). If he feels so strongly about going home he can always go by himself without dragging you from your career and your daughter from her new environment.

? · Answer

Im considering why he hasnt long past again for visits. A quick discuss with could make a colossal change. He will have to be equipped to try this as a way to aid him with the transfer. It simply turns out so far as compromising, he's doing it all and also you none. You dont appear very sufferer. How could you consider if you happen to had been the one who moved? Not an happier than he's at this factor.

Anonymous · Answer

You sound selfish to me.  Clearly he IS homesick and he doesn't like being where he is.  People like him aren't like you.  Maybe he should move back home for awhile.  You are going to continue to encounter this behavior until you do something about it.  You may have to question whether you want to be together as well as your commitment to the military.  Which is more important: Family or military?

My Husband Is Homesick All the Time?

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