Ok... first of all, I do support adoption when the child truly does need a home. Every child in every country needs a safe, loving home. My husband and I have adopted 2 foster daughters from our state.
My question is this... when we have soooo many foster children (many who's parents have already had rights taken and the child is just waiting for a home) here in our own country- why spend so much money to adopt from another country?
This has been really bothering me. I am not judging anyone- but it hurts me to the core!! The foster children we have will be going to school with our kids, playing sports with them, working at their day-cares and maybe even coming to our homes for sleepovers. They might be in a great foster home- or they might be living in a group home. WHY?????? Why not help the children who need us right now?
Thanks everyone. Just looking for input and experiences I guess. God bless
2010-07-23T15:16:13Z
Thank you to everyone who has responded! I really do appreciate the honest answers and experiences- and it has opened my eyes a lot!
Jennifer L2010-07-23T15:07:59Z
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We did a lot of research into foster adoptions in our state. That research led us to make the decision to adopt internationally. We didn't adopt a baby, we adopted two school age siblings. And they needed us "right now".
I just don't get why people seem to think that foster children who need help "right now" are more deserving of that help than children from another country who also need help "right now."
ETA: My children never played in sports or had sleepovers in their home country. Their entire world was a walled compound in which they lived for years and almost NEVER left. Their basic nutritional needs were not met: not even clean water was available to them, let alone things higher on Maslow's Hierarchy.. like having an education, access to healthcare, let alone someone to give them one-on-one attention.
Why not just be glad that they adopt? If you want to be angry, be angry with the parents who flood the system with abused and neglected kids in the first place. I'm really getting over the adoptive parent bashing on this board. There is nothing wrong with people wanting to be with their child for as much of their life as possible and fostering to adopt an infant is just not usual. Nor should it be. Foster care has one prime goal; reunification with bio family. That process is long and fraught with heartache and risks. I'm willing to do it, but I don't fault anyone who isn't.
Well, we lived abroad for 3 years and I volunteered at the same orphanage quite a few times. I loved the children I spent time with. I developed relationships with them and if I could, I would adopt them all. And so, for me it is nothing more than a choice of the heart.
We began our adoption process in the United States where we live and were told that gay families are not allowed to adopt in our state. My husband and I are not gay, but he was raised by two women living as loving partners. We refused to sign papers that would basically remove our children from any relationship with their grandparents. Additionally, my husband felt that signing the contract would be a hurtful message to his parents--basically agreeing that they should have no right to be parents.
As a part of our adoption process, we moved out of country for several months and adopted from the state system in that country. We adopted a sibling group of three older children taken from their first family because of abuse.
I'm sorry that my decision "hurts you to the core," but my children did need us and moreover the country *wanted* us. However, the state in which we currently reside decided that the children here didn't need or want us because of the shame of having gay grandparents. Incidentally, my children are not ashamed, they are happy and love their gay grandmothers. It should hurt you that children are kept in the US foster system for such silly reasons.