Does a bad partner mean bad dad?

Favorite Answer

My ex was a poor partner for me. We'd known each other since Jr. high, had kids together in our early 20s, and broke up soon after. He is a WONDERFUL dad. My relationship with him has improved to a really wonderful friendship since we've broken up. There were hard times in the beginning, but I respect him as a father completely. We were incompatible as life partners/mates, but we are fine as friends.
He'd never abuse the kids. I think that is a whole other deal, though. Just because he isn't right for me to spend the rest of my life with, doesn't mean that he isn't a wonderful father. I'm really happy that we have managed to have our lives fit together so well, even though we are no longer together.
It did take work to get to this point, but it is SO worth it. It was hard for both of us to know when the other started dating someone, but that was OUR hangup, nothing to do with the kids. We've moved on, and it works for us. I hate hearing that people put the kids in the middle of these things when they can work out if both people make some sacrifices here and there for the better good of the children....Show more

You dont have to " pretend " and stay in the relationship. I know it is true that some people use their child or children as a pawn to get what they want when a relationship seems to be falling apart, but that is not always the case and they decide that if the person no longer wants to be with them then they should not be with their child either, which is defnitely not fair and I do not think should ever happen.

It also has a lot to do with that persons mentality though as well, like if their idea of a good father overlaps their idea of a good partner a lot of times they feel that when the person leaves them they are ultimately leaving their child too, abandoning them both. Even if the dad still tries to come around and all they still might feel like he has sacrificed the best interest of the child by not being with the mother. But Im not saying thats ok or anything, Im just saying its some peoples mentality that they might need help to distinguish the two.

But also I know a lot of times when girls are abandoned during their pregnancy, a time when they are especially vulnerable they feel ultimately betrayed. Think about it, whatever a guy does it always seems worse if the girl is pregnant whether he broke up with her, cheated, abused her, whatever its always an extra blow to be pregnant. Then if on top of that he actually does abandon her, it feels as though he is abandoning the child in her as well. I mean why wouldnt he call to see if shes ok or take some sort interest in her baby or offer support or any type of thing would help but when they dont that basically means he might be a bad dad in their eyes......Show more

Not necessarily. But there's a difference between a failed romance and someone walking out on the woman who is pregnant with their child. If someone is able to just turn their back on a woman carrying his child, offer no kind of support or assistance, and simply go on with life as if nothing happened, yeah, I'd question what kind of father they'd be.

I think that adoption would be less common if the fathers kept themselves in the picture, offered support and maintained a cordial and civil relationship with the mothers, even after the romance failed....Show more

Clearly, many people who have children together no longer love each other..if they ever did. The divorce rate shows that. But, many divorced families have managed to maintain family ties.So, working together for the sake of the children and keeping peace makes sense in the long run. Cooperation is a good idea.

This should be the advice given to single mothers and fathers who do not marry each other, but too often, these parents are told that they can 'forget the whole thing" either by adopting-out the child or by just ignoring the child's father....or mother, if that is the case.

The adoption industry benefits by separating families....Show more

I've seen it time and time again with friends. The relationship ends, she is pregnant and to get back at him for leaving her she denies him his child. It makes me sick and I have ended a few close friendships over it.

Women need to learn that when a relationship doesn't work out it is not fair punishment to keep the man away from the children. My daughter has been raised primarily by her father since she was three months old. He has done an amazing job and I tell him that constantly. We are close friends and almost everyone I know wishes they could have the same relationship with their own ex. It took a LONG time for both of us to put aside our pain and hurts in order to get where we are. We were, and are, dedicated to doing what is best for our daughter and we have suppressed our own feelings many times to make sure that happens. I think many women have a hard time putting their own crap aside to think of what is best for their children and instead of doing right by their children they allow their negative emotions to rule their behaviour.

Also the thought of single parenting is overwhelming and scary, I think in some cases it is just easier to surrender than to have to deal with the thought of a lifetime raising a child alone. The saddest part of this is that single parenting is nowhere near as difficult or painful as losing a child.

The bottom line is that fathers are not seen as primary caregiver material and until that mentality is erased we will continue to see women who use children as pawns and judges who refuse to accept fathers as single parents....Show more