Does a bad partner mean bad dad?

My ex was a poor partner for me. We'd known each other since Jr. high, had kids together in our early 20s, and broke up soon after. He is a WONDERFUL dad. My relationship with him has improved to a really wonderful friendship since we've broken up. There were hard times in the beginning, but I respect him as a father completely. We were incompatible as life partners/mates, but we are fine as friends.

He'd never abuse the kids. I think that is a whole other deal, though. Just because he isn't right for me to spend the rest of my life with, doesn't mean that he isn't a wonderful father. I'm really happy that we have managed to have our lives fit together so well, even though we are no longer together.

It did take work to get to this point, but it is SO worth it. It was hard for both of us to know when the other started dating someone, but that was OUR hangup, nothing to do with the kids. We've moved on, and it works for us. I hate hearing that people put the kids in the middle of these things when they can work out if both people make some sacrifices here and there for the better good of the children.

You dont have to " pretend " and stay in the relationship. I know it is true that some people use their child or children as a pawn to get what they want when a relationship seems to be falling apart, but that is not always the case and they decide that if the person no longer wants to be with them then they should not be with their child either, which is defnitely not fair and I do not think should ever happen.

It also has a lot to do with that persons mentality though as well, like if their idea of a good father overlaps their idea of a good partner a lot of times they feel that when the person leaves them they are ultimately leaving their child too, abandoning them both. Even if the dad still tries to come around and all they still might feel like he has sacrificed the best interest of the child by not being with the mother. But Im not saying thats ok or anything, Im just saying its some peoples mentality that they might need help to distinguish the two.

But also I know a lot of times when girls are abandoned during their pregnancy, a time when they are especially vulnerable they feel ultimately betrayed. Think about it, whatever a guy does it always seems worse if the girl is pregnant whether he broke up with her, cheated, abused her, whatever its always an extra blow to be pregnant. Then if on top of that he actually does abandon her, it feels as though he is abandoning the child in her as well. I mean why wouldnt he call to see if shes ok or take some sort interest in her baby or offer support or any type of thing would help but when they dont that basically means he might be a bad dad in their eyes...

Not necessarily. But there's a difference between a failed romance and someone walking out on the woman who is pregnant with their child. If someone is able to just turn their back on a woman carrying his child, offer no kind of support or assistance, and simply go on with life as if nothing happened, yeah, I'd question what kind of father they'd be.

I think that adoption would be less common if the fathers kept themselves in the picture, offered support and maintained a cordial and civil relationship with the mothers, even after the romance failed.

Clearly, many people who have children together no longer love each other..if they ever did. The divorce rate shows that. But, many divorced families have managed to maintain family ties.So, working together for the sake of the children and keeping peace makes sense in the long run. Cooperation is a good idea.

This should be the advice given to single mothers and fathers who do not marry each other, but too often, these parents are told that they can 'forget the whole thing" either by adopting-out the child or by just ignoring the child's father....or mother, if that is the case.

The adoption industry benefits by separating families.

I've seen it time and time again with friends. The relationship ends, she is pregnant and to get back at him for leaving her she denies him his child. It makes me sick and I have ended a few close friendships over it.

Women need to learn that when a relationship doesn't work out it is not fair punishment to keep the man away from the children. My daughter has been raised primarily by her father since she was three months old. He has done an amazing job and I tell him that constantly. We are close friends and almost everyone I know wishes they could have the same relationship with their own ex. It took a LONG time for both of us to put aside our pain and hurts in order to get where we are. We were, and are, dedicated to doing what is best for our daughter and we have suppressed our own feelings many times to make sure that happens. I think many women have a hard time putting their own crap aside to think of what is best for their children and instead of doing right by their children they allow their negative emotions to rule their behaviour.

Also the thought of single parenting is overwhelming and scary, I think in some cases it is just easier to surrender than to have to deal with the thought of a lifetime raising a child alone. The saddest part of this is that single parenting is nowhere near as difficult or painful as losing a child.

The bottom line is that fathers are not seen as primary caregiver material and until that mentality is erased we will continue to see women who use children as pawns and judges who refuse to accept fathers as single parents.

generally, The relationship ends badly, the father is abusive, ect. You actually legally have to notify the birth father of the adoption, they have to sign papers too.

With my case, the birth father beat me relentlessly, and then denied the child even though we were both unemployed, and were never away from each other (hence, pregnancy) and i never cheated, which i later proved with a dna test just to show the courts that he, indeed was the father. (again, he had to sign papers)

And for the common part...IDK. Maybe! If the father decided to act right, and do whats best for the child, there may actually be a decrease in mothers adopting out the children.

I Know a lot of adoptions do occur bc the parents are not ready to accept the responsibility of raising the baby, usually teen parents from what statistics show.

Mostly adoptions happen bc mom isn't ready to be a single mom. I'm somewhat agreeing with you on the end of that, Once dad leaves, she can't handle the pressure, and decides to give baby up.

I don't think a failed romantic relationship is always an indicator of poor parenting skills, in fact, I would go as far as to say that unless there is abuse or some other MAJOR preventative to proper parenting present, the assumption SHOULD be that the person would be an average parent until they demonstrate their parenting skills IRL. If there truly is a case for a parent's rights to be terminated due to unfitness, it is up to the COURT to make the call. Proper channels should be followed rather than "vigilante" justice via adoption.

The posts from people who rail about what poor parents the person they had sex with would be always make me wonder about the fitness of the OP rather than the person they deride. Protesting too much (calling the person a drug user, stupid, mean, etc.) about someone you chose to sleep with seems rather incredible (in the evidentiary sense) and smacks of "you got dumped and now you're mad". Punishing a person for leaving you (Gosh, why ever did they do that...seeing as how you are such a sweet talker?!) by eliminating them from their child's life is immature and, I feel, is harmful to the child. I am by NO MEANS negating the experiences of those who have had truly bad people in their lives - only those who use it as an excuse to separate families for selfish reasons because it "sounds right".

The sad thing is that this happens not just in adoptions, but in all kinds of other situations as well. IMO, far too often, children are used (and damaged) as emotional pawns at the whim of adults in divorces and other custody situations. Although not widely recognized or seemingly cared about and sometimes abused itself by false claims, parental alienation is a real problem for lots of people. Children are PEOPLE who deserve RESPECT and the RIGHT to ALL OF THEIR FAMILY.

Unfortunately, many people feel that children are property; chattel to be used to garner sympathy for one's self, wield power over others through emotional blackmail and to gain status and financial assets. And it goes BOTH WAYS. Moms have done it to fathers and vice-versa. It is disgusting and painful to watch a child be torn apart by the VERY PEOPLE who are supposed to love and protect them. And it can be a cycle. Kids who watch their parents behave that way often have the same issues as adults. The worst part is that many laws are set up to support this kind of "pitting parents against one another" (kind of like adoption laws) rather than to help foster co-parenting, forms of communal parenting or healthy and mature relationships between separated families.

Here are some sites I found interesting:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation_s... (I like Wiki because it also provides dissenting POVs.)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation

http://www.paawareness.org/

http://coparenting101.org/

http://www.ag.ndsu.edu/pubs/yf/famsci/fs565w.htm

I think it is a disservice to children to exclude non-abusive people who care about them from their lives. Everyone makes mistakes, children shouldn't have to pay for them.