Catch 22 with my husband and nothing changes?
I've tried talking to my husband numerous times regarding how I feel I don't get much support from him at home. I work full time and he works part time and I think that has bearing on how much he should be able to do during the day. The issue is that he doesn't do anything really. He'll do the dishes occasionally and take out the trash when it's overflowing but more often than not I have to ask him for help with these. If I ask him to do something he doesn't want to do he'll tell me that he'll do it and then will procrastinate for weeks. When I ask why he doesn't take responsibility for helping around the house and participating more when it comes to our daughter he says that I don't "let" him take responsibility. I do tend to override him on decisions when it comes to money or household stuff - because I'm the one that has to bear the brunt for responsibility for everything. How can I make him understand that when the portable air conditioner needs to be put in storage, or there's a dirty dish on the counter and I've already left for work I expect him to TAKE responsibilty for it because he is a part of a family and that kind of stuff is EXPECTED? Ever since I returned from deployment 3 years ago he's been like this. He's been diagnosed with depression and I can understand that he's been diagnosed but it's been 3 YEARS and he's not proactive with his doc. I can't understand if there's something wrong and he won't get it fixed. I feel like he's choosing not to try when he doesn't follow up with his doc. I resent him more and more everyday cause I increasingly feel like a single parent. I don't feel that I'm part of a team at all. I know that both of us need to change cause for right now I'm just the nagging ***** that he lives with but if I don't say something he does nothing and even when I do ask him for help it's about a 50-50 shot that it will happen. I'm at a loss for what to do here. When I talk nothing happens, when I don't talk nothing happens - what the hell am I supposed to do?
I've been reading some articles online and I've come to the realization that I do need to basically take care of him for awhile. I need to talk to his doctors, make his appointments for him and be the one to take responsibility for awhile until he's able to. I tend to see problems with a "suck it up" mentality. If you have a problem you fix it. I don't think I'm a bully but I am a woman who doesn't understand depression and believes that if you have a problem you need to damn well fix it or adapt and move on. Personal responsibility and a sense of duty is important to me and my husbands lack of these feels like a personal choice that he's made. I have failed my husband in the sense that I should have extended my personal responsibility and sense of duty to him instead of having the mentality that it was his problem to fix.