I NEED SERIOUS ADULT HONEST HELP ABOUT?

Question

My marriage.  For 3 little over years, my marriage has been slowly crumbling down.  TODAY, my husbands father & step mom R coming to our state.  The travel the world on their sail boat & about 1 1/2 months ago, they departed the boat and decided to travel across the US and visit their kids & see Grand kids.  Well, surprise we get the phone call last night, they will be here tonight!OMG -1st, let me tell you I have been ill for 5 years off & on, 2 major surgeries, have a genetic disorder I found out when I turned 40 I was born with.  I have due to the illness become MCD/GAD Severe.  Major Chronic Depression and General Anxiety Disorder.  I cry everyday, every night.  I also see a counselor (I haven't seen her in about 4 months, going to see her in the new year, they R booked)my psychiatrist that I have been seeing for 3 years left the County to his home.  NO phylacteries, which-ed helped so much I stopped seeing the counselor, he was like my link to breathing & helped me sort all of my problems out, he was the best.  I have know one to talk to now.  Except all of YOU, so Please with this holiday coming near, his parents coming today that have no idea we have marriage problems and I am not putting an act on for them, I think they may get a hint that things are a little different since there last visit 6 years ago.  
Problem, husband & I argue constantly, that has slowed up the past week.  I am being told constantly, "Why do U do this?" "Why do U want 2 ruin our nite"  "I love you, U don't love me"--" U make it all up in your head" "U twist things into what U want them 2 b or how U want them 2 look"  there R more, but these R the 1's that come 2 mind.  I have told him, especially last night, I need compassion, comfort, I am so lonely I just want some1 2 hold me, love me. Comfort me.  He says last night, come over hear on the couch, hesitantly I went, he put his arm around me.  we were watching a movie.  I tried to tell him, no I did tell him all I wanted in a man, which he should know by now, being together for 11 years. HE does no, we've been like this in our marriage almost 3 years.  Our intimacy is nothing, we have had sex 2 times this year, last year about the same.  
I can't even satisfy myself anymore!  I am sad, lonely I told him last night as he has his arm around my waist "I am starving for compassion as a woman, he kept his arm around me and  patted my back.  He calls that attention to a woman.  Yes, I have tried the little nities w/ g-string and when I parade in front of him, even like last xmas night last yr. I wore a very sexy santa outfit, very very hard for me, I am extremely selfconsciouss of my fat saggy body, I once was really huge, lost a lot of weight when I was sick and was 128 & last xmas night I weighed about 145. All he said was "that looks nice" that is it, last xmas eve.  Well, eventually I went upstairs, took it off & got in bed.  I mentioned it days later, why did U take it off to get into bed?  I said, because, I wanted to be comfortable and most men would of got the hint, if not jumped on their wife right there on the coffee table!  This anniversary, in Sept.  10 years marriage (a decade) we did nothing, all I wanted was a bottle oChampagnegn & go for a walk in the wooden path, he comes in the house after people stopping by, he says, I am just going to go to the store, he knew I wanted thChampinggn & when I get back we can leave, I can leave my friend working in the garage.  I went to get ready, I dressed up 2 walk in the woods w/makeup on and everything.  He left me sitting at the computer while he was out in the garage w/his friend talking for over 4Min'sns.  he came in, he said you ready, I said oh sure, went went for a walk, he got a blanket out, put something in the blanket (me thinking it is the bottle) and went walking down the path, he takes a detour we never have and now has my curiosity at a peak.  Finally he stops, unwraps the blanket and takes out a beer and keeps walking.  I said I thought you were going to get us a bottle ?  He said, I did it is in the fridge, we will have it later, and by the way, got done w/the walk went to the car, he hugged me, we got in went home to watch tv.  I asked him about 9pm, hey lets get thcampaigngn out, he said, how aboutomorrowow night, I said WHAT he saidyeaheh, we''ll do that.  
I am just to tired of this, I can't take it, I am so sad,lonely,frustrated,hurt, needing compassion so much, someone to hold me and tell me everything is fine, he says that is why I am here, I saiyeaheh, and you don't do it.  He says " I Try to".  I just don't know any more.  PLEASE SOMEONE OUT THERE, TELL ME HOW TO FIX THIS, OR HOW TO LIVE LIKE THIS.  I HAVE NOT LAUGHED OR SMILED IN YEARS AND THAT IS THE GODS TRUTH.  PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR HONEST OPINION after all I am human.  1 more thing, my daughter especially is noticing mom is not happ

? · Accepted Answer

I think you guys need to explore the reasons you both fell in love with each other in the first place. Sit down and have long discussion. Maybe you two don't know each other anymore. Try to find out when it started going down hill. Was it after you got sick? A long-term illness can affect both people in the relationship. You probably felt distant from each other. You were in pain for years and he didn't know what to do for you. Now that you are recovering he still doesn't know. You have lost some of your connection and its not entirely his fault. Can you think of times when you might have been too hard on him? Too demanding? I'm not accusing you but maybe you shut down some if his attempts to cater to you and now he is giving up.

Ask him if he seriously wants to make this marriage work. No begging and pleading for him to do things. He has to want it or it won't work. If he does want to rebuild your relationship, ask him what he wants from you. Don't argue and say "well I do that or I try!" Just say okay I promise to work in it. Tell him what you want and exactly what you want. And when he tries to do it dont shoot down his attempts because they arent what you expect. Appreciate the fact that he is trying. It might be hard for him to get the hang of showing affection to his wife. To be honest he did go on that walk with you. It didn't turn out how you expected but it was something. You both need to learn to appreciate each other again. Have you considered a weekend alone with just the two of you? Maybe you can go away just to a hotel or spa? Anything you guys use to do together try to do those things. I hope it turns out well for you and that you can understand what I am trying to say. Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Wow, you need to end your marriage. There is literally no spark there. It sounds like you are trying but receiving no effort from him. Honestly if his parents are coming to town, be open and honest, why put on a show? You are a person too, you have a right to express your feelings and concerns just as much as him. I would go seek a marriage counselor immediately to discuss this relationship. It is not healthy and there is a complete breakdown in communication between you two. That is one of the core principles a successful relationship is based on: communication. You need to do what is best for you, not your marriage. I hope you can find some help and work to improve your life, this sounds really rough.

stormeve8 · Answer

sounds like the two of you need marriage concealing.. also sounds like your the only one putting any effort into the marriage.. the way i see it is you told him how you feel and what you want and need but he does nothing. bring up going into concealing together that the two of you need so advice on what went wrong and how to fix it since nothing seems to work and the two of you are not happy. as far as the in laws go your just going to have to bare it. if he says or does something do your best to let it go while they are there leave the room if you need to count to 10 take a deep breath and re enter the room when you cool down that way there is no fighting and you can deal with it when they leave.

? · Answer

Nah, frivolous queries are are not puke making, they just sort of settle in the mind like a boll weevil looking for a home. A shot of insectiside, some everclear with a Ripple chaser, and they float away like tiny bubbles.

SunneeOne w · Answer

Get out of this relationship, it isn't healthy for you anymore.
Or get marriage counseling.

I NEED SERIOUS ADULT HONEST HELP ABOUT?

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