Adoptees and Bio moms....... The Holidays are here......?

This is for the bio moms that were forced or co-hearsed into putting their child up for adoption, And the adoptees that have experienced first hand what a bad adoption means.......
The Holidays are here.... How do you feel about this time of the year, Do you get into the holiday spirit or do you find yourself thinking about the past and thinking how things " would" of been if things were different..... Are you in reunion with your bio child or bio mom, And if so, How have the holidays been for you since you have been in reunion, Do you feel more complete , That you have found your child or mom and do you guys get together over the Holidays........
And for the adoptees and bio moms that are still searching ...... How do you feel about the Holidays... Do you get into the Holiday spirit , Or do you find yourself wanting the holidays to hurry up and be over with all ready......
For some, This is the best time of the year, And for others , Its the worst.....
I know alot of times those affected by adoption put on a fake smile and pretend to happy this time of the year, Mostly because others don't understand what they are going through or maybe they don't want to get into a conflict with their spouse or their adoptive family.... For those of you who pretend to be happy this time of the year, How do you really feel about the Holidays.......

2010-12-07T09:52:56Z

Thanks for all the answers...... I truly understand how some of you feel..... I myself like this time of the year. Sometimes I ask myself why , Due to the fact that I have been celebrating christmas by my self since I was 16 yrs old. I get a tree every year and I put up lights...etc... For me, These 2 weeks or so are the only time of the year I don't feel so bad... The rest of the year is a blur to me, Most of the time I don't know what day of the week it is, Until Christmas time rolls around , I don't know, Maybe its because I have something to look forward to.... Ive been numb for so long , I don't know how to smile or be happy. Its like I don't even have a soul... Like I was put here by mistake. Sometimes I feel like this is all a bad dream, But Ive been waiting 36 yrs to wake up... lol. Wishful thinking I guess....
Thanks for posting guys.......

evergreen2010-12-10T00:38:30Z

Favorite Answer

The holidays are not a particular issue fo me but there are many other things scarttered through the year which are. Birthdays for example. But it does not need to be a particular day or time it is often a word or an ill chosen phrase or a location or a smell or nothing at all that hits the spot.

?2016-06-02T12:43:57Z

As an ap whose daughter right now is only 3, I can't imagine not being completely gaga over any future grandkids I may have! This isn't quite what your question is asking, but pretty similar. Right now my daughter is my parents only grandchild, and they are completely gaga over her, truly. Well, I won't have any biological children, my sister got married at a late age and may not have any biological children either, but may adopt from foster care. My brother is a "wandering spirit" and may never have children, biological or adopted. So, it occured to me that my parents may not ever have any biological grandchildren. I asked them if that idea bothered them. My mother immediately said no, that she loved K as much as she could love any grandchild and nothing would be missing if she never had any bio grandchildren. My father said that he would like my brother to have a son to "carry on the family name". Totally a man response, don't think it had anything particularly to do with less love for an adopted grandchild, but something there obviosly. Don't know exactly where to put that. ETA: Robin, that is so sad. I am so sorry. It boggles my mind how people can be like that.

gypsywinter2010-12-07T07:38:39Z

I am a mother who lost her firstborn to adoption..46 years ago and have been in reunion for over 11 years now. My daughter was born and lost to me the first week of December. I have no recollection of that first Christmas, none whatsoever, immediately after her loss to adoption. But life did go on, I would marry and have 3 more children. I have always enjoyed Christmas, then and now. Every Christmas I would think about 'my baby' and so hope she was OK and that the people she was in the care of...loved her and made my baby happy. Of course, I never stopped missing her.
Today I live alone, all of my children live nearby and I still decorate for Xmas!! I love the Christmas season....I love the lights, the colors, the music, I love the fantasy and the stories...I especially love Santa Claus!!

Carol c2010-12-07T22:38:05Z

Holidays are hard for me. I've been in reunion for 20 years but my son and I no longer have a relationship. He is a drug addict and very angry and I have chosen to not be involved with him during while he is using. For years before I found him, I would feel the "empty chair" at the table sadness. We did spend a few holidays together early in our reunion and they were very nice but my son doesn't seem to get into much of a holiday spirit even when things are good.

I have just moved to a new city with dear friends nearby and am hoping that is going to make a difference. For me, many of my friends have become more like family than family.

SJM2010-12-07T12:42:37Z

I used to hate Christmas. During my childhood, my family always fought on Christmas. My amom would always go all out with the gifts and the decorations. My adad would watch with dollar signs flashing before his eyes, and the moment the smallest thing didn't go perfectly as planned, the fight was on. I dreaded Christmas. Since I haven't had to deal with that for many, many years, Christmas really doesn't bother me anymore.

This is the first Christmas without my natural dad, and that's sad, but I have a ton of great memories with him, and that means a lot especially given my lack of great memories with my ap's. I can certainly get into the holiday spirit better now than I could 30 years ago.

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