With social networking and reunions...?
I am wondering how people feel about minor children on facebook, chat and gaming sites etc being contacted blindly by their blood relatives that they haven't been introduced to? Many on here have stated it isn't the adoptive parents business. As a PARENT of a child--adopted or not-I think it is 100% my business to know and understand the intent behind any adult reaching out to my child and why--even within our own immediate family. Call me protective-I will not apologize for it. We have an open adoption but there are relatives that neither my daughters bio mother or myself would probably appreciate contacting my children. It would likely be terrifying. A more innocent contact with in the family we were ok with was with a relative who contacted my 12 YO via an online gaming site and they spoke to him about items related to the adoption that were not age appropriate asking questions --he was clearly wierded out and devastated.
The reason why I ask is I've been reading up on situation that turned out great--and then others I know personally where an extended blood relative reached out to an unstable youth which lead to a suicide (I fully realize this wasn't the intent of the blood relatives). I have said many times especially when minors are involved that reunion should include the adoptive parents and I've gotten jumped on pretty hard about it. I am not against contact. But I am against any contact where an adult tells someone who is a minor that it needs to be hidden-it makes me question intent. I also realize there is needed privacy and I won't and shouldn't be central to their relationship.
ETC: I wrote in my question even with in my immediate biological family it would be not be appropriate for an adult to contact our minor children if they felt any of that communication needed to be hidden. Again, I would question intent. I also stress that my child's bio mother absolutely came to me saying if "so and so or so and so contact you" beware because of X, Y and Z. None of that has happened but that is why I ask the question. I don't believe in secrets...in either direction. But I do believe in age appropriate contact as any parent I think would.
Vanessa--clearly missing the point
I totally agree that as an adult they are on their own to explore those relationships thatwe may not have been comfortable with when they were children--my decisions--and honoring the wishes of our child's bio mother there is just fact based risk we just won't allow in our lives. We also gave access to blood family prior to adult hood because we believe that is the right thing to do--if you read the question I stress, getting an IM from a complete stranger by an adult as a minor is NOT appropriate--DNA related or not.