With social networking and reunions...?

I'd say you (generic) need to be dealing with this with the kid - if you're a decent parent, it comes in with things like basic Internet Security training, but with additional cautions for those adopted/fostered.

I have no idea whether you'll be able to listen to it or not 'cause of it being UK-based, but Radio Four's "All in the Mind" did a prog. on this on Wednesday just gone, and for those who can get at it, the link's at http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/console/b00wldvy/All_...

Honestly, whether a potential reunion was involved or not, minors should be carefully supervised online. There are a lot of douchebags out there, and I'm not talking about the family of adoptees. I just mean in general.

As far as reunion goes...For us, there are court orders involved. Our kids can't be in contact. End of story, so for me, it IS my business. I've been asked to keep them safe from precedented harm. Even if that were not the case, parents of minor children are in charge of protecting them, and as unfortunate as it is, adoptive parents have no way of knowing that the person contacting their child is even actually family, much less safe.

Now, IMO, there DOES come a time when AP's should not be involved, and that is in the emotional component of the relationship, as Mini mentioned, or in adulthood, full tilt. Even WITH the 'no contact' business with our kids, when they are 18, it is their choice. I hope they will take some precautions, be discerning and stay safe, but it is their call, because it is THEIR family, and they are grown.

Kids are a different story. What kids do online is ALWAYS the business of their parents. It has to be, because most people's identities online cannot be verified.

I agree with you completely. As parents,our job is to protect our children and this includes online safety. It is completely inappropriate for an adult stranger (whether biologically related or not) to contact a minor out of the blue. When the adoptee is an adult, that's an entirely different situation.

I have my computer in my living room only and my children (adopted or not) cannot play on it unless I am in the room. My 12 year old is not allowed on social networking sites or any site where he can "chat" with anyone. He is allowed to use my email to contact his cousins and MY FB when I am watching to send some messages to family friends. They have a computer in their room for gaming and homework but it is not connected to an internet. Honestly, I think you are not protective enough if he is online chatting with strangers when you are not watching.

None of my actions have anything to do with possible relatives contacting them but more to do with general safety and smart parenting. As far as the relative contacting him and asking inappropriate questions, what is done is done. I hope he will no longer be able to access these channels of communication until he older. I guess use it as an opening for dialogue about the subject if you needed any. He knows they are out there at his age. Maybe use it for an online safety lesson for him?

When my son is 15 I will have to loosen my reigns and let him get into the social networking but it will still be in my living room and you can bet I will have his passwords. :) I'm sure there will be some undesireables on the other end of the line at times...birth family or not...at least at that time he will be a bit older to handle it....I hope.

When I say that reunion is about the adoptee not the adoptive parents or for that matter the first parents, I mean emotionally. That reunion is about and for the benefit of the adoptee......IM NOT advocating that a relinquishing parent or extended family member contact minors on facebook etc.

Like Sk8ermom, my daughter is closely supervised when she is online (my 13 year old biological daughter), she is not allowed to accept friend invites without me checking first, those are basic safety rules that should apply to EVERY child, not just adopted children. Incidentally, I have NEVER seen anyone advocate that a minor lie to their adoptive parents about reunion......maybe you are misreading?

I will occasionally recommend that an adoptee search for family members online, but Ive never, ever said that they should keep their AP's out of the loop. As a rule, I point out that reunion is about the adoptee when people respond to those questions with "I think you should be grateful" or "be careful or you will hurt your adoptive parent" type comments, adoptees need to know that its ok to want to find out where they came from. they also need to know that its ok if its about their needs, not everyone elses.

facebook makes 'mini extreme college reunions' that significantly better accessible - you comprehend, those the position people have not left the city they went to extreme college in, have not made any new associates, married someone from extreme college and at the same time as they connect facebook they are like 'yay i will bypass lower back to my glory days!'. i will't understand why someone might want to desire to relive a lengthy time period 14-18 at 30-something years previous besides. good element you're preserving in contact with the few from extreme college that are your genuine associates, or you're looked at as one among those freaks that desire to so desperately bypass lower back! i'm getting requests each and each of the time on facebook to attend some lame party the position the only invitees are those that I knew from extreme college!? this is fairly lame....facebook is so crappy now

Bottom line is that I protect my child. I'll protect him till he becomes a man. Then as a mom, I'll likely throw myself in front of a bus to knock him out of the way if it would save his life, but I won't be throwing up my arm to keep him from the bumps and bruises of real life. I am surely, truly not going to get between him and his natural family. Nuh uh. No way, no how. Even though there is a no contact order in place, if he wants to find out where he came from, I've got the contact numbers ready for him and I've kept them current.

I recently contacted my birth family via Facebook and it's unnerving for a wizened old gnarly woman like myself. I can't imagine how it would play out with my son.

I had no idea that people took hummers off roading in groups for recreation.

I would never contact a minor child of a family member or friend (or any child, for that matter), via social networking with out the parent knowing first.

It's called common courtesy and respect.

Yes, keep those pesky bio relatives away from YOUR child, right? Unfortunatley for many ap's that child has bilogical, genetic relatives on social networking sites who want to know THEIR relative who is loved and missed.The advent of social networking has got a many ap's scrambling for cover to claim their ownership, doesn't it?

I think your post gives a LARGE example why adoption is a social failure.

How does it work in YOUR biological family ?? because in mine, there's one bible puncher, the rest are pretty much normal.