How to explain drug addiction to a pre-schooler?

My daughters are half sisters, we fostered and then adopted them. They are 5 and 3 1/2 now.
They know they are adopted and *kind of* get what that means. We told them they had different parents before, but they were sick and couldn't take care of them so they came to live with us and we adopted them.
I try not to add too much 'fluff' or give too much information considering they are so young. My oldest understands it better and asks me questions, which I try to answer the best I can.
Lately she has been asking me why her first parents were sick... of course she is thinking they had a cold or something, because she doesn't even know what drugs are.
How do I give her an answer that helps her without actually explaining that they are crack addicts?! I don't want to say anything negative about their first parents but I don't want to lie either- which is why we have been saying they were sick- since drug addiction IS a sickness.

Thanks and God bless

2011-01-14T07:38:24Z

My intention is not to actually talk about drugs with them. I am just looking for advice on how to answer her questions in an age appropriate way.
Telling them "that they realized that they were not able or capable of taking care of her and wanted her to have a good life" would be a blatant lie. They were taken away from their parents for abuse/neglect and I don't feel right making the leap to "selfless act"- although I do NOT plan on telling them those horrible details until wayyy later in life.
I would NEVER call the parents "crackheads" or tell my oldest she was a "crackbaby". :(
I want to be true to their story without overwhelming them or lying. Hard to find the middle ground :( and man, kids ask sooooo many questions!!

2011-01-14T08:49:55Z

Cleopatra, the crackhead remark was in response to someone else asking me not to use that term. I said crack ADDICT which is what they are.
You don't have to believe in God, but I do and I will not apologize for that.

I was taken from my mother because of physical and sexual abuse at age 5. No one here can tell me that I don't have their best interest at heart. I personally have been through way more abuse than my girls will ever go through and I KNOW how much foster care and abandonment hurts. I was given ALL of the details as a small child (from a different family member) which is why I want to find the balance between being honest and going overboard.
Please do explain to me how I am "less suitable" than a parent who abuses their children??? Oh, and just because they are my girls birth parents does not mean that I can't vent to ADULTS about how much child abuse p!sses me off. I do not and have not ever spoken negatively about their parents. My oldest's father is my half brother.

2011-01-14T08:52:20Z

Reiki Chick - thank you for that info!!! It hadn't occured to me that they might fear someone leaving because of a cold, etc!!! I really appreciate everyones input, except for the useless rants.

Reiki Chick2011-01-14T08:05:49Z

I agree with the answerers who say keep it simple and age appropriate. Drug addiction is too complex an issue for a 5 year old to understand.

Since you've made a presidency by saying her parents were sick, I would suggest following up with telling her that there are different types of sicknesses. Some sickness - like a cold or the sniffles are easy to fix. You take a medicine a doctor gives you, and rest then in a few days you feel better. But there are some illnesses that a person might have for their whole life. I would add that her parents' illness made it too hard for them to be able to care for her properly but that they loved her very much and want her to have a good life.

But I also think its important to ask her open ended questions so that you can get a better idea of what's going on in her head. Perhaps she's fearful when she sees you with a cold that you will get "too sick" to take care of her and then her and her sister will have to leave your home too. Perhaps she's fearful she'll get sick like her first parents and worries that she will have to leave, or won't be able to go to school etc.

5 year olds think way more then most people give them credit for, but at the same time, they don't have the life experiences to follow traditional thought patterns so there's no way to know what she could be thinking and believing without talking with her.

If it were me, I would keep the focus of the conversation on the fact that they loved her a lot, and that they want her to have a good life.

EDIT:
I just read your additional comment about not wanting so paint it as a selfless act. I completely agree with that. However, its been proven that people under the influence have flawed thinking, so even though they did awful things that hurt the children, it doesn't mean that they didn't love them, or that they didn't want them to have a good life. Most people's "intentions" is for their children to have a good life even if they don't know how to provide it or simple can't, or even if their actions say something completely different.

I think the fact that they were removed is a seperate issue to be dealt with when the kids are older and better able to understand complex issues.

At your daughter's current level of development she's in a very ego-centric stage where she can twist whatever you say to be her fault. You don't want her to spend the next 10 years believing she wasn't good enough - which was why she had to leave their home, or that she caused their problems. (most kids will come to this conclusion at that age) That's why I personally think for now its important for your children to feel loved, so that's why I recommend putting the focus there.

Just my thoughts

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How to explain drug addiction to a pre-schooler?

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