i need some advice and critique. Please give it. Give me your worst. :)?
Visions of you enchant the night sky of my mind,
the veils of white clouds, tonight, remind me of your hair so soft and flowing,
the stars, much like glimmer in those eyes enchanting,
and the wind, chiming, humming, remembrancer of your voice.
Longing for her company under this sky,
i wonder with distance at the woman,
who, with secrecy to the full i spy,
yet not knowing to the full, as to why.
There goes again the wind, the remembrancer,
the fan to the flames, as i fly into the the hands of yearning,
so captivating the shine of stars, the glimmer,
tightly holding me, the hands of yearning keeping me still in fantasy.
Oh, the moon, to the brim with thoughts and visions,
in my mind, it is you,
to comfort me in troubles, to sprinkle me with dew,
to cradle me, when cradling you.
Now, to the flower beds i fly,
the flowers red, maroon, pink, and blue,
each natural beauty, a thought of you,
tilting to the right, i breath, and sigh.
The greens of the forest, the strong, the vivid,
the things here, all alive, all livid,
because that's what you are in my mind,
real, graspable, languid.
This is what you have done,
the blue frozen forest now blooming,
the flower beds, once desert dune,
so disappears the howl of owls, replaced with birds of singing.