Sexually abused young man looking for advice?

Sexually abused young man looking for advice?
Hi!
I am a 19 year old male. From the ages of about 11 to 14 and a half I was sexually abused by a man the was around 10 years older. He never penetrated me anus but he did do horrible things to me that I just can't forget. He really messed up my head I can't stand it at times. I am afraid of not being believed if I every tell the truth because this man comes across as perfect he is religious, good job etc. He seems nice and kind and everybody loves him. I still am in contact with this man at family event and holidays and he still comes up to me and acts nice and he rubs my back and legs and it totally freaks me out I just freeze because I don't know what to do. I told a friend one day by accident and I just brush it over now if he every mentions it.
I am now a young man who is very confused about his sexuality I feel attracted to other men and I just hate it. I have trouble getting to sleep at night but I sleep solid once I actually get to sleep. Sometimes I have nightmares and I can't get back to sleep when this happens. A lot of the abuse happened on Saturday and Sunday mornings between 9am and 11am and I find these times hard because this is the time it happened to me so I try and sleep at these times. I have very little trust in people now because I really trusted this guy. I actually feel like he stole part of my childhood from me. I think I might have an eating disorder now because I eat a lot of food especially when I am feeling sad because I feel if I am fat nobody will want to touch me. I have never being kissed yet even tough I kind of want to have someone in my life I just feel that I don't deserve any one. I would also love to have children one day but I am afraid of bring little people into the world that would have no one to look up to for goodness sake I couldn't look after myself how could I look after them properly if anything every happened to them I would feel like a massive failure. I would just like to that I would never lay a finger on any child. I feel that child abuse is wrong and only weak people commits such acts. I am just looking for advice?

2011-04-04T11:46:47Z

Small amount about of detail about the abuse I was wanked on numerous occasions and was forced to do the same to him!

Shawn2011-04-04T11:35:00Z

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Don't ever blame yourself for what happened William, you are not at fault! This adult took advantage of you. It doesn't matter if you are attracted to guys or girls, he had no right to touch you in any way. This man is obviously a family member if you see him on family occasions, and even so, that doesn't change anything. He was in the wrong not you.
Don't loose trust in everyone, because there are people out there who are trusting and loving, that aren't looking to hurt you. It takes a long time to heal after abuse, but it can happen, but you can't keep everything bottled up inside. That will make things worse over time.

If you would like to talk to someone, to get things off your chest, please feel free to contact me.

I hope this helps you bro, and I hope you feel better. Good Luck!

It doesn't matter what the specifics of the abuse are, he violated you and your trust. You didn't bring this upon yourself. No one should force any abuse on another person, for any reason.

sunshine2011-04-04T11:29:49Z

You have been through a lot at such a young age, it is normal for you to feel this way. Sexual abuse is scary and it is hard to tell people about it, but just remember that HE is the one who did this to you, you did not do anything wrong! there is no reason for you to feel bad about it because you were the one who was abused. You need to talk to someone about it , it's very important. I suggest you see a professional, they will keep your information confidential and they will not judge you. Find a counselor or a doctor you can tell this to. It seems to me you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is common to happen after traumatic experiences such as sexual abuse.
I was sexually abused myself and I suffer from depression and PTSD now because of it, but I am seeking treatment and in healing.
If you want someone to talk to about this without judgement, you can talk to me...

Anonymous2011-04-04T11:30:48Z

Whoa back the bus up bud. The first thing you have to realise is this is not your fault. He has taken advantage of you. I know what you must be feeling because i was sexually abused when I was 11 and again forcibly at 18.
You need to talk to a professional bud because this is starting to consume you and I also feel you need to out this man. If he touches your back or legs again you need to make it quite clear to him that you don't like it and he is not to do that again and say it loudly.
You can do this but you need support, don't just leave it to fester.

Scarletmarkedhistory2011-04-04T19:19:05Z

Put the past behind you. I understand under circumstances like that, that it is very very difficult to do so, but the benefit of it could help you out tremendously. Bro, you're a good person, and dont think you're not because you are. Go out and find that girl you always wanted to be with, one day have kids! Go do the goals you have, like schooling, or even just hanging out with some friends, go out and live your life! put the past behind you and make a new chapter!

Always remind yourself that you're strong, that you can do things, write it down, because it isn't a lie, it isn't something just to get your hopes up a little to get you by, it's the truth! You really can, just believe and do.

I hope, from me to you that I could help you out a little bit. I wish you good luck my friend, and remember when times get hard, just believe in yourself and keep moving forward. Don't stop!

Anonymous2011-04-04T12:32:23Z

So sorry to hear that someone you trusted has and still does take advantage of that trust. What he has done is inexcusable and illegal.

There is no way that you were at fault and he needs to be held accountable for his actions. I would bet that you are not the only victim of his abuse. Easy enough to find out just by watching who he is seeing now.

You do need mental health help. Either in person or through an accepted on-line organization.

DO NOT TRUST an individual that says hey I was abused too , talk to me about it, since chances are very good they are trying to get off on your trauma.

I hope you find the inner strength to follow through with reporting this person and getting the help you need.

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