Sexually abused young man looking for advice?
Sexually abused young man looking for advice?
Hi!
I am a 19 year old male. From the ages of about 11 to 14 and a half I was sexually abused by a man the was around 10 years older. He never penetrated me anus but he did do horrible things to me that I just can't forget. He really messed up my head I can't stand it at times. I am afraid of not being believed if I every tell the truth because this man comes across as perfect he is religious, good job etc. He seems nice and kind and everybody loves him. I still am in contact with this man at family event and holidays and he still comes up to me and acts nice and he rubs my back and legs and it totally freaks me out I just freeze because I don't know what to do. I told a friend one day by accident and I just brush it over now if he every mentions it.
I am now a young man who is very confused about his sexuality I feel attracted to other men and I just hate it. I have trouble getting to sleep at night but I sleep solid once I actually get to sleep. Sometimes I have nightmares and I can't get back to sleep when this happens. A lot of the abuse happened on Saturday and Sunday mornings between 9am and 11am and I find these times hard because this is the time it happened to me so I try and sleep at these times. I have very little trust in people now because I really trusted this guy. I actually feel like he stole part of my childhood from me. I think I might have an eating disorder now because I eat a lot of food especially when I am feeling sad because I feel if I am fat nobody will want to touch me. I have never being kissed yet even tough I kind of want to have someone in my life I just feel that I don't deserve any one. I would also love to have children one day but I am afraid of bring little people into the world that would have no one to look up to for goodness sake I couldn't look after myself how could I look after them properly if anything every happened to them I would feel like a massive failure. I would just like to that I would never lay a finger on any child. I feel that child abuse is wrong and only weak people commits such acts. I am just looking for advice?
Small amount about of detail about the abuse I was wanked on numerous occasions and was forced to do the same to him!