My parents have been raising a puppy for two years, that was bought by my brother's ex girlfriend. The reason they have it to begin with is bc when they broke up, she couldn't have a dog at her new place. My brother has moved on with his life and with a new girlfriend, but the ex and my mother especially have always been on good terms and cordial to each other. My mother however wants to break ties with the ex bc she is feeling like she's disrespecting my brother and his new love for having the ex over at times and to see the dog she left with mom. My mother told me the ex came over the other day and the dog didn't have anything to do with her. She sat on my mothers lap and loved on her and didn't pay no mind to the ex. Surely one would think the dog is clearly attached now to my mother after 2 years. My mother also has a few dogs of her own that the dog has got attached to. So in short, my mother has been the care-taker and mother to this little dog and has got attached herself. How does she tell the ex she wants the dog without making bad waves? My brother says he'll pay for the dog for my mom, but my mother says that she has paid for it 3x over already with buying it's food, giving her the love and walks etc...
lfh12132011-05-02T10:20:02Z
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There is a legal issue here that will have to be considered, if things are to remain cordial and 'proper etiquette' is to be maintained.
If your mother agreed to keep the puppy indefinitely, but has never been given ownership of it, the dog belongs to the ex.
It will be a delicate matter for your mother to ask for official ownership of the dog, and to then follow up by requesting that the ex stop coming over. If it is your mother's intention to end her relationship with the ex, she will be wise to secure ownership of the dog first.
That your mother has paid all the expenses of owning the dog does give her an advantage in negotiations. She can ask to be reimbursed for her expenses and to be relieved of the responsibility for a dog that isn't hers. If the ex is not willing or able to pay and/or take on responsibility, it can be suggested that your mother is willing to continue to care for the dog so long as she is given ownership. The suggestion that there are vet bills for upcoming routine shots, etc. will have an effect on her decision, I daresay.
It is likely the ex will agree. It would seem that, if she wanted, or was able, to care for the dog, she would have been over to collect it rather than merely to visit it.
If she won't agree, your brother's solution is best--pay her for the dog and be done with it.
Your mother needs to have a conversation with her "friend" and tell her that because she has had the dog for so long she would like to just keep it.
I think it is absolutely ridiculous that your mother feels the need to not be friends with someone she really likes jus because your brother found someone new. There are other things your mother can do that show respect for all concerned. She can limit the time she spends with the friend. Perhaps every 6 months or so they see eachother. She can meet at a restaurant instead of her home. She can very slowly distance herself from your brothers ex. Everyone concerned just needs to show some maturity and respect for eachother. Also, your mother should keep her friendship private and not be talking about the young woman with her son. That is something that a new girlfriend might resent.
Least said, soonest mended. Your mother should be discreet about her relationship to the ex and should neither act as a conduit between her son and the ex, nor discuss one of them with the other. Your brother has no right to ask her not to associate with the ex and if she truly enjoys the friendship she should keep it. However, she should make every effort to avoid giving the appearance of being a gossip.
The dog should stay with your mother. The reason your mother will have to be discreet is that if she puts her foot down and tells the ex not to come over, it will probably result in the ex trying to reclaim the dog. Your mother will be unhappy. The dog will be unhappy. Not good.
Since your mom has a relationship with this girl she should be upfront with her and tell her that while it isn't personal she cannot continue a relationship with her out of respect to her son. As for the dog since your mom has been taking care of the dog for 2 years it is basically hers and I agree that she shouldn't have to pay for the dog since she has spent a lot of money taking care of it over the years. If this girl had any intention of asking for the dog back she would have done so already.