Accused of child abusing?

Question

A good friend of mine is going through a divorce, and he has a 13 year old daughter. His soon to be ex-wife is a pathological liar/sociopath to say the least. They recently signed a custody agreement saying that custody of the child would be split 50-50. 

I want you to keep in mind that my friend loves his daughter more than life itself and would never do ANYTHING to hurt her. Everything he does is for her.

Well, a couple of days ago, when my friend James was at work, his wife took their daughter out somewhere. Only James' mother was at home (his elderly mother lives with them.) His daughter's three friends came to the house looking for James. They ended up talking to James' mother. The three boys (his daughter's friends) told James' mother that her grand-daughter (James' daughter) had been telling all of her friends that James did mean things to her and hurt her. The boys said they wanted to talk to James about it because they didn't believe the things his daughter was telling them. So James' mother took the two boys phone numbers down. James' mother told him what happened the next day, so he called the boys on their cell phones. The boys told James that his daughter had been telling all of her friends that James "tells her he doesn't love her", "my grandma (James' mother) calls me a whore", "he never feeds me or buys me clothes", "he locks me out of the house for weeks at a time", "he grabs me by the hair and smashes my head into the wall over and over." James was absolutely shocked and could not believe what he was hearing. So he told the boys to meet him by the YMCA after he got off work. He called up his daughter at the house and told her when he got off work they were going out. So after work he picked his daughter up at the house and took her down to the YMCA, where her friends, the three boys, and the boys' parents were waiting. All of them confronted his daughter, and she admitted she was lying about everything.

All of them had a very long talk. It came out that his soon-to-be-ex-wife had been calling all of their daughter's friends telling them, "Everything my daughter is saying is true. James does beat her and kick her out of the house." And she was also telling his daughter what to say to her friends. The boys still have the phone calls logged on their cell phones. All of the boys and their parents say they will write a statement telling all of what his soon-to-be-ex wife did, and have it signed for James' lawyer. 

My question is, what is the punishment for what his soon-to-be-ex-wife did? I'm fairly certain it's defamation of character. Could she lose custody for this? Many people have told me she will probably lose her custody rights, but I'd like to know what you all think. 

I just don't know if falsely accusing your husband of severe child abuse and trying to manipulate a bunch of 13 year olds would be grounds to lose custody. I mean, in a way, she was being a danger to the child.

Also, The kids have a voicemail from his soon-to-be-ex-wife, with her saying all of those things. She can't deny it or lie about it.

knitting bear · Accepted Answer

Your friend should have his lawyer get copies of all the voicemails & call logs from the kids, with the parents' permission, of course.  A statement from each of them would also be helpful.  Not only can this be taken to the judge to show a history of abuse (the mother's) and lying to ask for a lack of custody, but can also be used to sue her civilly for defemation.  Your friend NEEDS to call his attorney.

judgebill · Answer

Unfortunately divorcing parents frequently use their kids to punish each other. Not only does it do a lot of damage to the parents, it destroys the kids. It puts the kids in a terrible spot, to have to say things about their parents and to take sides. Having said all that, the issues of child custody take into consideration many different things. And the Courts make the decisions. These decisions by the courts are based on evidence, written and oral testimony. It has to be presented to the court and the parties have the opportunity to present contradictory evidence and to cross examine witnesses. So what you are describing certainly sounds like the mother is not acting in a healthy manner toward her daughter. This may or may not be grounds for awarding custody to the father. But these things will be decided by the courts, not the people who give you answers here.

James Watkin · Answer

Your friend would be wise to speak to his lawyer before speaking to minors again.  His interaction with minors and giving minors contracts can be illegal.  Minors cannot sign contracts.  And, unless under police interrogation cannot sign statements to be used in court without a parent at least present and most likely with the parent's written consent.  So, he could have already screwed up.

Additionally, in some states two party conversations can be taped if one party is aware but in others, both parties must be aware.  So those taped conversations may be illegal.  Putting whoever taped them in hot water with the law.

Instead of play private dick and attorney, he should have an attorney and ask advice as to what to do PRIOR to doing it so he does not end up screwing himself out of money, custody, time and freedom (jail time).

She is not being a danger to the child in the sense that DHS or CPS can remove the child immediately.  But if true, then that is interfering in his relationship with his child.  But that is neither here nor there right now.  First the attorney, then do what the attorney says, and then court.  Nothing else to do but follow the letter of the law.  And since he is unaware of the total law regarding all of these issues, follow the attorney.

What do I think?  I think that often we love to think we know our friends and family members so well.  But we do not know what goes on behind closed doors.  Nor will we ever.  And in any divorce there are three sides.  His, hers and the truth.  She shades her stories to shine a positive light on her.  And he shades his to shine a positive light on him.  And, with a child that goes a long with the abuse allegations, then you have a child who either has suffered some abuse (to what extent, YOU will never know) or is resentful and angry with the person she alleges abused her.  Either way, she needs counseling right now.  Not after custody is decided.   In a perfect world you could believe your friend.  And pass judgment that she is totally wrong.  But last I looked, the world is not perfect.  And you are not omnipotent.

Mamma C · Answer

Sounds like both the daughter & soon-to-be-ex need major HELP!!

I agree with above I don't think this is grounds for losing custody, but possibly grounds for less custody & some warded counseling.

The girl is 13 & should know by now what she did is wrong & hurtful, so hopefully she will change & realize her mom is crazy & needs help.

Good luck to the dad as he needs it...sounds like this battle is not over.

? · Answer

The extra you attempt to guard your self by technique of claiming to be a "good" guy, the further responsible you seem. You declare to be a unmarried father with a bachelors degree in new child develpment, with a occupation as a kindergarten instructor. My issue consisting of your assertion is that you're extra in contact consisting of your result than of the childs' who replaced into abused. Your female friend positioned you in cost of her 15 month previous son and the cost is antagonistic to you for the abuse. Why did not you come back ahead and tell the bruises were there earlier to her dropping off the new child. there isn't any reason a fifteen month previous must have bruises on their abdomen until eventually someone brought about them. i imagine the police and the well-being middle are desirable with investigating the both one among you. instead of being concerned of ways the new child were given the bruises, you're extra in contact about detention middle time. i ought to assert you're responsible, yet i'm not on that jury. i will pray besides for that toddler boy to get the justice he merits. It replaced into both you or his mom that positioned those bruises there. Fess up or take care of everybody understanding on judgement day. thanks and GOD bless all his children.

Accused of child abusing?

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