How do i get out of this?

Question

Ok, months ago there were a load of Red Cross people trying to talk to people in the street, and when one of them tried to talk to me, i stopped and listened, mostly because i feel sorry for charity workers who always seem to get really rudely dismissed by other people on the street, so i thought i'd do this one a favor by at least giving him the time of day. Of course, i ended up getting guilt-tripped in giving them my contact details, but didn't really mind as i thought i'd just get a whole load of junk mail and that would be that. But today, i got a call from this random woman from the Red Cross. Firstly she guilt tripped the absolute s*** out of me, before then asking for my bank details. I was quite unprepared for all this - after all, i'm an 18 year old student - i work in a cafe! As if i have £20 a month to give! I don't even have £20 spare for me, let alone them! Now, normally i try to be  a charitable person, but i simply was very surprised at being asked so directly for money that i know i simply won't be able to afford to give, and so i lied and told her that i was on my break at work and didn't have my bank details on me. This was very unbelievable as it was 6.30 in the evening, and, needless to say, she was not convinced. So, she persisted, and after guilt tripping the hell out of me some more, making me feel as if i'm some sort of evil b**** by reminding me that the call was costing the Red Cross money, we agreed that she would phone me back at 7.30, when i'd have my bank details to hand. This was the second lie - really, i was so mortified, i just turned my phone off for the rest of the evening - i'm still too scared to turn it back on now, in case i get some other Red Cross person hounding me for money that i don't have via guilt tripping. But, the truth is, i still feel really bad about the lies i told, and i just don't think i could face it if i got called again. But what if they just keep on calling? I can't change my number, it's just too much hassle, and besides, i'm angry that i've been so guilt-tripped into feeling this way. I think it was understandable for me not to hand over my bank details to someone who, quite frankly, could have been anyone. Also, the guy i talked to on the street mentioned NOTHING about being forced to make monthly donations that i can't afford - all he said was that i could expect to receive more information in the post. I can so totally see now why people cross the street to avoid charity workers. But, am i a bad person??? And how can i get out of it politely?

? · Accepted Answer

I had a similar situation with the red cross which is why I refuse to talk to their representatives anymore.  I listened to their scenario then I foolishly gave them my phone number and kept calling and calling and calling.   You are not a bad person for not wanting to give to this organization who is hounding you.   It might be interesting for you to google the number that comes on the call display.

First of all stop feeling bad that you told them lies - you were protecting your personal and private information and there is no shame in doing that.  These folks have not earned your trust to give them that information.  Why would you want to stress over possible identity theft - had you told her your information you would be ten times as stressed.

It sounds like this woman is using manipulation tactics to get you to comply - she might get a kick back for every account she signs up.  People use guilt, difficulty saying no, sob stories, politeness as tools of manipulation.   Don't fall prey to their trap.  These people are counting on you feeling bad and giving in - don't.

Stand firm with your boundaries and feel no guilt for protecting your privacy which they are invading by the intrusive phone calls demanding information.  They are making you feel like you HAVE to give them your bank information, you have to answer their calls, you have to give this donation because you talked to the charity dude.  In fact you don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with  and you are under no obligation to deal with this organization any longer.

From now on don't answer their calls, keep ignoring because there is no point in engaging as they are not respecting your boundaries to begin with and the interactions are causing you stress.  Call display and an answering machine would be a very good investment for you.

Or if they call say "I'm very busy, I don't have time for this, thank you, good bye" hang up the phone without letting them get a word in edgewise because that is an arena of manipulation which you don't have time for.

These articles on manipulation tactics may be of interest to you as well

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/life/5-behaviors-of-manipulative-people-549848

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

You also may want to check out videos by 4mingthoughts on you tube and she tells you how to deal with effectively with persistent people who don't respect boundaries - she talks about friends but it can apply to your situation as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEbxppDy9DM&feature=related

? · Answer

Hi Kate

It's a fairly common problem, but she sounded like a bully. Stop worrying - you actually did the right thing anyway (with the exception of the lying. I'm equally prone to lie if I'm cornered like that :-P ) - I've a friend who never gives her bank details over the phone when they ring up, as they can just be making that claim. It probably won't be the same person if they ring you again. However just tell the truth, that you hadn't realised what was required of you when you gave them your details and simply wanted to find out more about the charity. You are really sorry, but you simply cannot afford to give ANY money at the moment, as you're a student.

You may even want to phone up the Red Cross yourself and check that they've actually phoned you. Much as certain charity workers can be pushy, they're not normally that harsh, if someone's managed to get your number, then they'll have others and it maybe a scam.

I remember having an argument with a caller, when I was 28, who asked "Was my mummy or daddy in?" I realised after 5 minutes of aiming to convince him I was an adult, that I didn't want whatever he was selling anyway so what was I doing!!! There used to be an old lady in our church, who used to take calls like that as evangelising time! "There's nothing you can sell me love, but let me tell you something..." I don't know what the laws are now, but back then, they weren't legally allowed to put the phone down on you, so she had them stuck.

Take care
Helene

Parental Unit · Answer

You are not a bad person. Do not feel guilty. Do not feel any obligation to be polite to this person. From what you wrote, I do not believe they are a legitimate Red Cross employee. DO NOT, under any circumstances give them your bank details. You can and should get angry with this person for trying to make you feel badly. Your gut told you something was wrong. Your radar went up, like something was a miss. You were right. I would not take even one more phone call from them. I would assign their number with a "silent ringer", or I would block their calls. If you decide to take their call, they will try their hardest to make you feel guilty. They won't be nice about it either. You are the one that shoud make them feel badly and tell them you've already filed a police report. But I honestly think you shouldn't even take their call. You have no idea who this person really is or what they are capable of. Keep your distance from them for your own safety. Take care.

? · Answer

KAte  don't you watch the news?  NEVER give anyone your bank details over the phone.  Furthermore, any legitimate red cross person would not hound someone for bank details.   If you have that number on you cell phone I would call the police and let them know about it.  And I mean it.  NEVER give anyone your bank details.

I am 007NYC · Answer

The pigeon drop is the oldest con in the world, and you were almost taken if I'm correct? 
Don't donate money in the streets, today, it's too likely that it may a copycat of the real deal. Better to get the headquarters address verified and mail in your donation, especially in today's economy.

How do i get out of this?

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