What to do after premature emergency C-section hospitalized son, sever family issues and emotional anxieties?

Question

on September 26th 2011 I gave birth to my son by emergency C-Section. we knew he would have complications but he wasn't suppose to be born till the end of October which was still 2 weeks before his due date. so he is in sick kids and i decided after my C-section to come home for a few days to recover after i got out of the hospital instead of going straight to my cousins in they city. needless to say i was yelled at and told i was abandoning my child and that my aunt was gonna call CAS. my aunt talks allot when shes angry I know that. but my husband was involved with CAS his entire life so that really started at WW3 in my family. then a few weeks later she told my cousin she was coming in over the weekend. My grandma was coming in Saturday so she said she was coming in the Sunday. & i kinda mention it would be nice if someone asked me. then she started yelling and screaming to my grandfather that my husband and i were not letting her see him and were not letting her bond with our son her great nephew. so my grandpa called us while we were in they city not to nicely i may add but that was fine. so we called her and she hung up on my husband saying I'm not coming in the hung up. I never expected this from her. then she called my mother who Im not very close with. Let me state that she is not related to my mother and has never gotten along with her. So my mom called me and said that my aunt was keeping a book & that I have anger problems (which I do sometime) & that she had raised 3 kids whats one more ( she helped raise my brother & I till she went on drugs then we both moved out on our own) she also said she wanted my mom when she visited the hospital to watch if she thinks something is wrong or Im not reacting to my son properly to tell her but don't tell my that they were talking. so I confronted my aunt and she said she was just making sure my mom & I weren't fighting about who was being called grandma and all that ****. ( that's a topic for another time) All this stress and the fact of having a C-section when I didn't plan to is just too much anymore. I have thoughts all the time that i wont be a good mom or I will drop him or not feed him enough or he wont be warm or to cold or i wont change his diaper enough and he will get sever diaper rash like i did when my mother neglected us as infants. im overbearing when my husband does anything in the hospital with our son i have to be right there behind him and im always jumping or gasping if i think hes doing something wrong or somethings gonna happen. Its driving my husbands nuts and i don't mean to i do it with everyone even the nurses. Ive had recurring thoughts of suicide and fears that if i gain to much weight or if i don't lose enough that my husband wont find me attractive and leave me. i only gained 16 pounds while being pregnant i was 226 when i had him and now I'm 212 i started out before pregnancy at 210. i just feel lost. my husband asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital but if i go up there and tell them this i fear they will try to take my son or CAS will get called I'm not sure what to do anymore I'm losing myself in this time where i should be happy....Help

justanothamotha · Accepted Answer

It sounds ot me like you have a ton going on & a lot of stress & you may be dealing with postpartum hormone son top of it.  they will not take your son for needing help with depression/anxiety.  That is a very normal thing ot go through after a baby.  Even Brooke Shields came out & said she took  meds after the birth of her son to try & take the stigma off postpartum depression issues.  talk to your Ob about it.  Tell him you feel overwhelmed & are having insecurities about being a new mom to such a delicate baby.  those are all normal feelings & they will be able to offer medication & refer you for a counselor to help you sort it all out.

LoveMyLisiate · Answer

You need to voice your concerns and talk to someone. They will not take your son off you for having these thoughts, in no way have you sounded like you may be a threat to him or yourself so there is no reason they would need to take him away. 

It is normal to have doubts as to whether you will be a good mum, every first time mum has them, but it's amazing how naturally it comes. I imagine the fears would be worse in your case with your aunt sounding like a nosy, judgemental woman that is obviously trying to take over. Especially with your son still being in hospital and so premature, it is hard to bond at the hospital especially when your son will be needing special care.

Don't worry about being overbearing, some mothers are and some mothers aren't. I did everything for our newborn because I was scared my partner wouldn't do it right, he was scared too so he didn't mind lol. Even at the hospital one of the nurses was showing us how to wrap him up and put him under her arm and jumped up and down, I almost had a heart attack and grabbed him off her, my poor baby was only a few hours old!! 

Most of the concerns you are having is normal, but the stress you are under needs to be sorted out, having a new baby is stressful enough you do not need these family issues dragging into it. 

Just tell everyone that you and your new little family would like some privacy for the next week or so, you and baby are tired and need to recover. When you first bring baby home, do the same thing as this will be a big change from having little one at the hospital and there's alot of adjusting to be done. It really helps to have a helper over every couple of days, someone who has been there before and can help you with anything. I had my mother come over and she showed me how to bath my baby and would hold him while I had a shower or something to eat. I really helped and gave me some time to myself.

Try not to stress and please talk to someone! Congratulations on your newborn, sorry your family sounds so crazy.

? · Answer

An unplanned C-section is not necessarily an emergency C-section. A previous poster got that wrong. I have had two C-sections. Both were unplanned but only one was an emergency. In the first, I had pushed for hours with no progress and was tired and upset and was asked if I wanted the C-section. I decided to have it but it was not considered an emergency. In the second case, I was having very premature twins, the water was broken, and labor was progressing. The doctor felt a vaginal birth would be too difficult on the tiny babies.

Anonymous · Answer

I agree, stay away from you family! I did the same thing to my boyfriend when we had our baby. I dictated his every move. Then I read somewhere not to do this, he needs to find out for himself how to care for your baby! I think you will be an amazing mom. You already sound like it! Sounds like post pardum depression. Be careful, tell your DR asap! ANd believe me I felt the same way as you did about not being a good mother, it really does just come naturally. Change his diaper everytime you feed him. And we he cries, feed him. :) I was 202 when I got pregnant, gained 26 while pregnant, lost 34 by two weeks after. Gained back 18! It takes time!

david · Answer

First. You have post partum depression. All you need to do is CALL your ob and she will likely just call in a prescription for you to take. It's very important for you to do that before it gets worlse
Second. Tell the whole family to f**k off and ignore them. They ALL sound worthless andyou need to be surrounded by good people andyou need to raise your child in  an environment that is free from all of this stress. Stress like this can hurt your health and traumatize your child. No one is going to take your baby because you left the hospital, no one is going to take yoru baby because your crazy aunt "keeps a book", you have nothing to worry about. Just focus on being the best mom you can be. Remember that no mother is perfect, we all make mistakes, we all second guess ourselves, we all get exhausted, we all lose our patience at times and have to just put baby down and walk away for a breather, it's OK.

What to do after premature emergency C-section hospitalized son, sever family issues and emotional anxieties?

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