Valentine's Day Depression...?

Question

I'll keep this simple: My husband and I have been married for nearly seven years. Over the past three years, we've struggled a lot financially and as a couple. (Being in college and in love is much easier than negotiating the real world in a recession with a new baby.) In many ways, it seems that we've made it through some of the rough patch. I have a good job. He's unemployed, but the point is we're making ends meet. Our debt will be payed off within a few months (a huge deal).  

Today I started thinking about the fact that it's Valentine's Day. I had originally planned on cooking a nice dinner for us to eat after our daughter's in bed. Then, it occurred to me that I'm always the one who plans these things, cooks, etc. He hasn't really made an effort for any holiday in years. I buy his mom flowers on mother's day, you get the picture. To top it off, we've had some pretty serious marital issues to go with the financial stress. I'm having trouble re-connecting with him emotionally. I bet he probably feels the same. I'm pregnant again and stressed out because it was unplanned. (Apparently IUD's fail too.) 

I feel hopeless and sad. I don't feel like making an effort this Valentine's Day because I feel like I'm doing this alone/going through the motions. Does anyone have any constructive advice? I hate feeling this way.

? · Accepted Answer

Talk to him. Articulate your feelings. Get your opinion across. Conversation and experessing both of your views si what makes a marriage work. Sit him down and talk to him about how you are feeling, and ask him to hear you out without saying anything until you've finished. You could ask him it as a Valentine's present (which would also highlight the fact that he makes no effort for little things like holidays). 

Good luck, I know my answer sounds short, but honestly, talking is what makes it work. Hear each other out and respect the other opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/VtHvK

Hank · Answer

Sorry, to hear that.  I think honesty is always the best policy.  Cook the meal and wait until your child is in bed, then use that time to have a serious talk with your husband and explain how you're feeling.  Likely he won't be happy to hear this, but it's something that needs to be said.  He can't fix anything he doesn't know is existing.  At least give him the chance to fix things by being honest with him.  Just remain calm, and don't get in a fight about this.  Just expect that this can be a hard thing to hear, so he may act adversely at first, but just don't feed into his response and result in a fight. Good luck!  

P.S. Valentines Day is still just a day, no need to let it get you depressed.  Just focus on fixing the rough spots in your marriage, and don't dwell on the fact that it's Valentines Day.  Life's too short to be depressed.

Dorothy · Answer

i do feel a little left out cuz i don't have a boyfriend to share it with but usually me and my single girlfriends just go hang out somewhere. but 2day I'm just treating it like regular old Saturday and lounging around the house and then later on tonight my mom is taking me and my brother out for a valentine's day dinner

bunnyONE · Answer

It seems to me, like every marriage, you two have had some luck and not so goodluck (i.e., pregnancy #2 when I believe it's far too much pressure right now in your lives...I would have aborted immediately, especially since I had at least one child and was having problems in my marriage).

Yes, it's often quite true that we women are the nurturers and "remember-ers" of family birthdays, etc.  Rather than look at it as a deed for your husband?  Consider it thoughtfulness for and of family in general.  It may take a few years, but after each gesture?  You merely turn and look at your husband and say, "honey, I wish you would be more thoughtful when it comes to these occasions and it's your family in particular...please remember this next year - I'll remind you ahead!"  You seem to be looking to take this issue and make it more than it is right now, presumably because you are pregnant and your hormones are dictating your thoughts and feelings.

You have a tough road ahead of you - by your own choice(s) it would appear, so it's time to be strong and keep moving, afterall, it's no longer about you - but your daughter and a child to come, Hm?

Grace

Valentine's Day Depression...?

Related Questions

Trending Questions