C/C If you could be so kind?
Words feel uneasy
on my tongue, he said, with his
arms wrapped up in mine.
Words feel uneasy
on my tongue, he said, with his
arms wrapped up in mine.
?
Favorite Answer
Ruby
This is a splendid piece for you three line wizards.
Your poem could have been 7 stanza's, and you condensed it to three lines, as it pacts so much meaning it's not even funny. lol ha ha !
From a man's standpoint, I know 'he' could not have been happier.
:)
Edit: I write my answers before I read others answers, and if an addendum is needed, I will follow through. 5' 7" Texas Heaven is absolutely right, and she clearly looked at your poem structurally beyond what I did.
I usually try to do both, i.e. comment on poetic structure vs the poems content, subjective opine, and must admit, I got 'wrapped' up in this one. lol.
Still, fine work, and one that can be improved.
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5 ft 7 Texas Heaven
While it follows a common form in 5-7-5 Haiku, it could stand to be even more mature, and though not a usual presentation of Haiku it could be improved, to express in a deeper sense.
Just my opinions.
L 1, I mighta used flow instead of feel
L 2, even if the wording had to be changed, while keeping the 7, I might have used "off" rather than on. Or even "from"
L 3 I mighta said, "arms enfolding mine"
?
made moi feel happy and joyful
really good prose