A competition: want to write some fun classical music letters?

Question

There is a site, dearblankpleaseblank.com, where you have to write funny comments in a specific format, as follows:

Dear ____, please ____. Sincerely ____

For instance:

Dear People of the World, I don't mean to sound slutty, but please use me whenever you want.  Sincerely, Grammar.

Dear Mary, Just admit you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand. Sincerely, Joseph

Dear Rubik's Cube, Done! Sincerely, Colorblind

You get the idea.  I thought it might be fun if we did specific classical music ones.  Whoever gets the most thumbs up wins best answer! No cheating. Here is mine (not part of the competition):

Dear Newcomers to the Yahoo Answers Classical section,

For the last time, I didn't do it.

Sincerely, Salieri

suhwahaksaeng · Accepted Answer

Dear Violetta:
Please swing over my way before you reform.
Sincerely,
Don Giovanni

Dear Delilah:
Please read the enclosed brochure and give me a call if you have any further questions. 
Sincerely,
Barber of Seville

Dear Duke of Mantua:
How dare you say it's women who are fickle!
Sincerely,
Madama Butterfly

Dear Trovatore:
Please tell me how you did it.
I'm determined to win next time!
Sincerely,
Beckmesser

Dear Wotan:
Wanna go in fifties on publishing a riddle book?
Sincerely,
Turandot

Dear Suor Angelica:
Could you please mix a poison for me?
Mine didn't work the first time.
Sincerely,
Alvise

Dear Consul:
Let's meet again in the hiding place.
Sincerely,
L'Italiana in Algiers

Dear Scarpia:
I'm going to sue you for stealing my idea.
Sincerely,
Iago

? · Answer

initially i might desire to believe the comments approximately Shchedrin's ridiculous works, they made me giggle out loud as quickly as I first heard them. between the products that made me giggle lots, is the 2d circulate of Shostakovich's piano trio no.2. the 1st time i performed by way of it, as quickly as we reached the factor the place it breaks into this delightfully playful G significant subject, we had to end by way of how ridiculous it sounds. This subject is preceded by way of a surprising form of very complicated layers of quickly notes interior the string friendly key, and is relatively dissonant. For Shostakovich to easily wreck out into this form of delicate subject grew to become into too lots for me....and then his abrupt substitute back. basically something i admire approximately Shostakovich...his temper swings in his music.

Birdgirl · Answer

Suwahaksaeng--thanks! I don't think anyone is better at this sort of thing than you.


But here's my feeble attempt:

Dear Lucia,
Couldn't you have just said you had a headache?
Yours truly,
Arturo

A competition: want to write some fun classical music letters?

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