Would you trust this person?

Question

There's this guy in my martial arts class in his late 20s. He's a smooth talker; always knowing what to say at the right time. He's really funny, great with the ladies, and everybody seems to like him. He's always giving me these really strong warm hugs at unexpected moments. At other times, he cracks racist jokes about me to others. I usually laugh along cause maybe he's not serious and I was thinking that if I could boost this guy's ego, he'd get laid and leave me alone. I've never asked him about his sex life.

He's average height and obese. It is truly amazing that he is able to grope and kiss girls he meets on the streets - a few times, girls he doesn't even know - and they seem to enjoy it. This guy must have great self-esteem. He's also a Freemason member and JEWISH. I feel uneasy when I'm around him. Whenever I see a girl I like and can tell she's interested in me and he's nearby listening in, I always lose interest immediately.

What do you think of him?

We are getting back on good terms after I insulted one of his friends with my careless words unintentionally. He seems to keep his distance from me now but we still smile and greet each other like normal and I still get those hugs....

I am not White.

Gary · Accepted Answer

I think I would trust my instincts, which is to give the guy a certain amount of caution. The racist comments indicate a level of respect that is lacking. He sounds like a big happy sort of guy who'd enjoy creating scenes, could be a lot of fun but it gets old too.

I think it would tell you a lot if you found an opportunity to express your disappointment at being made the butt of his comments, to see how and if he even responded. The present social norm, I believe, is that it's only OK to tell a racial joke if you happen to be of that race. He sounds extroverted enough to get away with more than most people, but still...

The hugs may be OK, or they may not be. He's definitely a hugger, but could be gay too. He appears to be playing power games with you, which are not a sign of a true friend. The fact that his presence overshadows your romantic possibilities is a definite caution. Jewish people tend to have amazing attributes and can be a lot of fun, but they very often have their baggage too. 

You sound like you would tend to be a very good friend.

tigeress · Answer

Your friend sounds insecure even though he seems to have a good self-esteem it is probably an act.  He also sounds deceptive because I doubt the story about his being  a Freemason. I am not sure Jews can be Freemasons. 
  Insecure people tend to brag, and behave inappropriately towards women to impress their male friends.  Personally, if a stranger on the street  hugged me I would  run into the closest store and  call the police.  Normal people don't act that way.  Many cultures are very affectionate toward family and friends but not strangers. Some men use the hugging as a show of dominance or a way to grope women or children .  If it makes you feel uncomfortable then  trust your instincts and  tell him to back off.   It is okay to tell him you don't like his hugging. Just say, Hey your invading my space, enough with the hugs already then laugh so you don't appear aggressive. 
I probably wouldn't like him, I don't like racist or sexist jokes, or aggressive overbearing men. I like intelligent, passionate men who are not afraid to express their feelings. I certainly wouldn't want my  friends to be hugging or groping strangers.

ClumsyArtisan · Answer

What a funny story. :D He seems like a creep. I wouldn't wanna be kissed by some obese stranger. D: That sounds terrible. Forget him, he is probably a psycopath. He has all the symtoms. ;)

meat · Answer

It sounds like you're a jealous, racist, anti-Semite.

Good luck with that.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think he's trustworthy. Seems to me like a weirdo. I don't care how funny he is, making racist jokes is just not acceptable to me.

Would you trust this person?

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