Do I have Avoidant Personality Disorder? And if I do, is there anything that can be done about it?
First off, let me apologize if this is a big mess of TL;DR. I'm having a bit of trouble getting my thoughts together to explain everything.
Just lately I found out about this disorder, and it seems like everything fits with me with all of the symptoms, but I wanted some outside opinions.
I am a fifteen years old male, and for the longest time now I've been having problems with social situations. I feel completely inept with almost all social encounters, with holding a conversation, eye contact, physical cues, that kind of thing. I can understand them when others do them but I am just lost when it comes to anything myself. Most of the time when I am talking to someone in real life, the majority of everything I say will be simple replies such as "yeah", "no thanks", and so on. I just can't hold a conservation. On top of all of that I have a terrible fear of rejection, and I do everything I can not to reveal anything about myself. I'm always imagining that people are having ulterior motives and talking about me behind my back. So I have a hard time trusting people as well. Most of this is completely irrational. I haven't been bullied or any way or have any reason to fear anything. But I do.
Because of issues like these, I tend to completely avoid social encounters. I have only one actual friend in real life, and a couple online. And the one in real life isn't close at all to me. I'm terrified enough of social encounters that I'm currently being home-schooled. Along with all of this, I'm scared of new situations and go to great lengths to avoid them. And don't get me wrong, it's not that I just prefer to be alone and isolated. I want to have friends, more than almost anything really. To the point where I have tried to convince myself that I have different disorders and want myself to be sick, along with making up exciting stories as if it would make people care.
Last of all, I've had bad depression for a couple years now. My self-esteem is absolute crap, I never stop beating myself up over every mistake I make, and at times I honestly hate everything about myself. I've even considered suicide before because of all this. I'd never actually do anything, but I would be always thinking about it (I'm past that now).
So just lately I found out about Avoidant Personality Disorder, and it seems like everything fits. I haven't talked to a professional about it, but I'm just looking for other opinions.
So, that's about it. What do you guys think? Could I actually have the disorder or some other one, or am I just being a shy whiny-b*tch because of hormones or something?
(For anyone who has read all of this to the end: thanks. It really means alot, even if you don't comment.)