What is the best way to leave a mentally abusive marriage?
My husband and i have been married 2 years together for 7. We were very young when we started dating and now that i am older i realize i lost myself somewhere along the way. Its too the point i cant talk to him about anything and if we argue then he puts me down until i cry or feel stupid. I want out we dont have any kids, just property to seperate. He tries his best to isolate me and make me feel the same way as him about everything and if i disagree with him and have my own opinion then he says im brainwashed by hollywood and television. Im afraid to try to sit down and tell him im leaving, i dont know how he will react, I think it will be badly. Ive thought of taking a day off work and waiting until he leaves for work and taking my things and leaving. Has anyone been through this type of breakup where you couldnt do it to someones face. He has followed me around and checks my phone and purse and tracks my gas mileage on my car. Any suggestions?
carol2013-02-13T09:12:24Z
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He's a controller and you need to run. I would just go and stay close to family and friends for support. If he stalks you get an order of protection against him so he knows you mean bussiness. You cannot remain with someone when they make you scared of them and emotionally abuse you.
You need to set this up so you can get out with out any drama, which really isn't going to happen, he will chase after you. So start packing small things that you want to take, and do this over a small period of time. You need to be able to pack and get out quickly. Have some money set aside so you have the needed $ to live by, have where you are going all set up. and if necessary have a restraining order put against him. Take the day off and as soon as he leaves start packing. Remember take the important things receipts, clothes, and important papers. Don't look back, and when you have a conversation make sure it is on speaker phone, for others to hear. Some things can be replaced, but your life can't be.
Sadly when I went through a similar situation the only thing that worked was leaving behind his back and breaking complete contact. I immediately got a hold of a lawyer so I could get a restraining order if need be and went and stayed somewhere that I knew he wouldn't be able to find. Talking to him never helped. He only heard what he wanted to hear and acted surprised when I finally escaped even though I had been telling him I was so unhappy for over a year. I wish you luck. Divorce is difficult enough without having to be afraid. I am so sorry you have to go through that but know you are not alone.
If I were you I'd have a close friend or family member(s) go with you to get your things and wait in another room while you talk to him privately. That way chances are he will keep his cool. It's easy to loose yourself when your being mentally abused, it's a bad habbit to break sounds like hes not going to change. He deserves face to face closure. You don't want him showing up at your work and stalking you because he wants to have an explanation. So make sure to set up a safe place to give him the closure he needs to let you go.
I suggest you take a day off work, pack up all your belongings, and leave the house. After that, you don't even need to tell him where you're staying, but you need to get a lawyer involved so you can split the sale of your property. If he threatens you at all, go to the police, he sounds like a control freak, and you don't want to risk getting hurt.