I'm a Christian woman in a mentally verbally emotionally and physically abusive marriage?
I asked the same question last night I'm going to add more detail now. I met my husband in church and for a long time things were perfect. But now he has a huge problem with anger and rage and just getting completely out of control. Last night we had an argument cause he doesn't like that I use my phone a lot. At one point he took me by the throat and threw me down on the bed. Right after I tried to get up and leave and he grabbed me wouldn't let me go and started apologizing. As I cried I begged him to take his hands off of me. He eventually got up and started accusing me of cheating on him which he does a lot and has been doing since we found out about another woman who did that to her husband. Last night I gave him an ultimatum and asked him if he wanted to fix this marriage and himself.
He said yes so I told him how the bible says to confess your sin to someone who can help you and get help. And if he didn't do that i would leave. He protested it but then agreed. This morning when he woke me up when he was leaving for work he gave me a hug and told me he was sorry and that he swears on his dead aunts grave (she was very dear to him as for a long time she raised him) that he would never disrespect me again nor put his hands on me again. What do you guys think?
There's a part of me that's like well he has never said that before so maybe he's being truthful this time. But the other part of me is saying that's not enough after all he has put me through.
Her Majesty2013-03-30T22:52:29Z
I was with a man who was all of those things and let me tell you-- they DO NOT change! Once an abuser always an abuser. My ex was wonderful in the beginning and I fell for him hard, deeply. Then the jealously and violence started... he would do those exact same things you described including the apology afterwards and I can't even count the number of times that happened. Oh and he was a "religious" man too would even go read his bible after choking me & beating me. You will know when you are ready to walk away. I dealt with the abuse for two years before I was ready to leave and not look backwards. Make him go to counseling if you really love this man and want to try to make it work to see if that helps. I tried that with my ex but the abuse continued. You have to go with your gut hun dont let this man continue to treat you that way. I have a really hard time trusting men now and am still rebuilding my self-esteem almost two years later. I hope I have helped in some way.
He can swear all he wants but he has anger issues that won't stop unless he gets counseling. Christian or not, I wouldn't put up with it another minute. Abusers often are very apologetic and will promise, swear, etc. that it will never happen again, but 99% of the time it does.
My first husband put his hands on me once and that's all it took for me to walk away from a 12 year relationship. I value myself way to much to let someone abuse me.
If you want my advise, leave. There's men out there that will respect you, love you, and not abuse you.
Because abusive tendencies are usually gut reactions to things, it is nearly impossible for someone to change without replacing those instincts. Many, many people try and are frustrated that they do so much work on themselves and then revert to their old ways in the heat of the moment. For the same reason, the large majority of batterer counseling programs aren't effective.
The HEALS program is taught by Steve Stonsky, both by book and weekend retreat. It focuses heavily on creating new instinctual reactions to replace the old abusive ones. I would definitely look into this if you have any desire to stay with your husband. Good luck.
In my opinion, the past is the past and he seems to be trying to make an effort to turn around. I would accept that. There's almost always a difference between what we think we deserve out of people who caused trouble in our lives and what we actually deserve. If you pressure him for more and use the guilt bandwagon, it will only make it harder for his efforts to be sincere. He might even stop trying to turn around altogether if he feels that after he has done it you're going to hang his past over his head for him. Again, accept it, and if it's sincere, then focus on the present and future where your husband treats you better. :)
Well, think of it this way. God would want you to feel happy and safe. If you are fearful and feel that you are being abused, and you have the power to remove yourself from that pain, it is what would be best.
I personaly would say he's on his last chance. If he continues, leave him. He's not worth it.