Husband left me.It's Long, Thank you to all that read it and comment :0)?
I'm not perfect. What did I not see? What did I do wrong?
Met my husband online, he fell for me fast and hard. I had a gut feeling he wasn't right for me, but he was persistent (not blaming him for my choices)We talked for hours every night. He was going through a divorce(his wife left him, he hadn't been alone for 7 months yet, this was the truth, I talked to her) She said he shut down on her.
He showed up (after driving 5 hours, he was based in NC) to my house without telling me. It creeped me out. But we talked outside, and he went home. We planned a weekend together, he came up. It was very nice. He bought me a ring proposed. I said yes. At that time I knew him for 6 months. Still something in my gut telling me this is wrong.
A month later he came up packed a U-haul and I went to live with him. His divorce was completed, I found out I was pregnant and we got married. a month later he was deployed for the 3rd time. I spent my whole pregnancy alone, I was scared and suffered for depression during that time. He knew I was sad but I tried to hide it.
My husband gets back from deployment,(he came home for the birth, she came on his R&R) She was 3 months or so at that point. He went inside himself. Stopped talking to me and enjoying life. Emotionally unavailable, I could never talk to him, he always blocked me out, and said everything was ok. He said we should move to another sate or country again, that his job was stressful and wanted to change jobs. Blaming his co-workers for the issues he as having. I wanted to make him happy so I did it. He was over the moon for awhile, then he became withdrawn again after the excitement of the move.
Life got stressful, bills, work, child. When our daughter was a year he asked for a divorce, changed his mind. He wanted to move again, he said work was to stressful and wanted to change jobs. Once again it was his co-worker fault. I said yes. I wanted him to be happy. Once again he was over the moon at the excitement of the move. He got deployed again when she was 2 almost 3. He asked for another divorce over the phone, he changed his mind. I came from a broken home I so desperately wanted to keep my family intact. Still that feeling in my gut.
When my daughter was 4 almost 5, we had moved again, he wanted to move to hawaii, in my gut I knew I better get close to my family. So we moved near my hometown, his new job in the Military was stressful, he didn't deal with it well, He shut down on me again after a year at the new base. He got a new car and was happy for awhile.
I then.. found out he had cheated on me, he left me and our little one, I let him come back. We went to counseling. He stayed for 3 months then left us again. saying he didn't love me. Taking our only care and putting us out our home (on a military base) I found out after that there was a woman in the wings. He had a marriage ceremony with her a month after he kicked us out. Took all the money.
I have family here so I did well to stay on my feet. got a new car, home. He hates my guts now, and his new lady calls and tells me to leave him alone, (I never call him but I think he says I do) she even came to a court hearing for Spousal support and asked me, "did I want him back. Mind you at that time I had no idea who she was (sorry this is a little out of order) she wasn't the 50 year old woman he was cheating with, she was someone new. He only knew her for maybe a month. He makes up lies and reasons he can't see our child, saying I'm dangerous and crazy. Yet he leaves her with me.
Now he's head over heels the same way he was with me for this new woman, she is pretty low class. Telling her lies about me like he did his ex to me. They are expecting a baby. He has turned his back on his daughter. He shows up at her school and has lunch with her once a month if he has business with the courts in town. He said he will keep me in court and he has over silly stuff.
He blames me for everything, he is the victim in this, he told me he tried to leave me many times and I should have got a clue. I feel like such a fool. I just wanted to give my daughter what I didn't have and fight for my family. I didn't make him stay he wanted to, but he makes me out to be pathetic and that I made him miserable all those years and he's finally free from his horrible wife and this new woman is his saviour that helped him get away.
He's like a diffrent person, gained 60 pounds, grey hair, hair falling out. Always angry even at our daughter. I feel like I'm in a nightmare.
If you read this thank you!
Just to be clear, I'm not trying to get him back, we are almost done with out divorce. I have been doing Crossfit and met some really nice guys, but I'm just not ready to have a relationship. I just feel down sometimes and wonder why this all happened..
The Prophet, you are right, I have been doing the me work and I'm in counseling. I don't see myself as a Victim. I wish I could have wrote more. I clearly see my mistakes and own them. My daughter is not suffering, I have a strong support system, friends and family.
Also, I'm not trying to change my soon to be ex, I have my own life now with my daughter. I have no issues getting dates. I'm an attractive woman that's in shape.
I have gone no contact with my husband, he calls the cops and cps on me and tries to gaslight me. Like I said at the beginning, I'm not perfect, I had a hand in this and I own it.
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