I guess I'm looking for some encouragement, reassurance, or advice...?

I'm going into my senior year of college and, to my knowledge (which honestly is all that matters at this point, isn't it), there isn't a guy on this earth who has ever been interested in me. So I've never been asked out, never been on a date, never flirted with anyone really, never been kissed... I mean you get the point. I did ask someone out a few months ago. Obviously he said no.

After so many years of just waiting (and trying to act on it once), I'm more than frustrated. It feels hopeless. It IS hopeless. I've become extremely insecure about this and I even feel like some of my confidence issues stem from this, which I'm a little embarrassed about.

I've been told I should just casually flirt with guys to get something started, but that just doesn't feel right. I'm not an outgoing person, and I know I should try and step out of my comfort zone, but if I'm going to start a relationship with someone I want it to be someone I know reasonably well. Is that unreasonable? Am I being picky?

Honestly I don't know. Any advice, suggestions, words of encouragement...? Anything?

Also, please be nice... I feel bad enough about myself as it is.

Angeliss2013-07-16T21:55:24Z

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First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. (Besides the fact that just about everyone is only 80% free of psychological diagnoses, and so everyone is a little bit crazy.) You're very intelligent, thoughtful (not a redundancy) and you've got a great sense of humor.

Maybe you're unconsciously putting out vibes that say "leave me alone." Sometimes people who are not the outgoing type can be difficult to get to know because they don't want to burden other people with their personality.

If you can't flirt- and not everyone can- get to talking to someone. Get to know them a little better. If they seem interested, before you meet the dreaded "friend zone", lay it out there. Tell them you like them and want to get to know them better.

It isn't at all unreasonable to want to be in a relationship with someone you know reasonably well. And a little picky is good- it's what keeps you from taking the really bad options out there.

Silly Turtle [Dont forget about the avocados]2013-07-18T00:27:52Z

Okay, so I don't have much to offer on the whole relationship deal. I've never been in a relationship either. But I'll try to be helpful with the confidence part :D

But first, I don't think it's picky to want to get to know someone before. Might as well try to weed out the deal-breakers before you even get in a relationship with them. Save on the unnecessary arguments.

Alright, as you may have assumed from my user name long ago - I'm shy and insecure. Actually, I have social anxiety (but it's kind of getting better right now!) So here's what I've learned... when you're not an outgoing person, like you just said you weren't, you tend not to be outgoing when it counts most either. The "firsts" of everything. Your first day of school, work, being at a club, etc. So if people aren't asking you out, it's not really you, it's much much more likely because you aren't talking to people who'd date you. People make the friends and acquaintances more toward beginnings of stuff. It's hard getting to know people when it's, say - the middle of your college years. What do you say? At least everyone's got some common ground or icebreakers when you're starting somewhere (e.g. "Are you not finding all your classes either?" or "So do how you like it here so far?")

I don't think (again, I'm no expert in the dating field) you have to flirt with people - but maybe just make more acquaintances. There's nothing wrong with having more acquaintances. And the nice thing about acquaintances is that you're not constantly obligated to talk to them. Whoot! That's a yes for introverts. But then if you're actually interested in one of your acquaintances romantically, you have a start! You know them! =) Also, any acquaintance you're *not* interested in are still good for boosting your confidence. People need social interaction for emotional support. No matter how introverted you are. If anyone was stranded on deserted island alone, we'd all go crazy enough to create a friend named Wilson with a volleyball XD So use acquaintances to make you feel less lonely :D I've pushed myself a little to be able to talk small talk with some of my co-workers at my new job right at the beginning (I GOT MY FIRST JOB, LYRA! I'm a cashier.) Even though it was hard D: But they talk to me when they're bored and have no customers. It makes me feel less invisible and unappealing. Even if I don't actually like them enough to flirt or be in a relationship with them. I have actual guy friends! It's weird. Yet, I'm glad! One of them waved goodbye to me the other week.

Yeah. Introverts facing obstacles. You can do it, Lyra! =)

texnusa2013-07-23T06:23:46Z

I feel your hurt and pain and there may not be anything I can say that will make you feel better-that said, I am going to try anyway. I had an adult friend growing up who was a lot like you-rather shy and without much of a social life. I have always heard,and I believed it, that there is someone for everyone. He married when he was 40 years old. That may seem like an eternity but the wait was worth it. I have 2 nieces who are old maids but they seem to be happy with it. That does not sound like you though. I think it might help if you were to read up on how to make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex. I don't mean just outward appearances, but how you should act around males. There are countless materials on the Internet about dating, there are numerous dating sites, and there are counselors that can help you with your self-esteem issues. Try this: make a list of all your qualities-the things that you have to offer to a man. This is your private list, so list away. You are right that you are going to have to do something differently than what you are doing now. And I don't mean doing things against your ethics or religion or upbringing. But if you want to get a date, you are going to have to go to places where men hang out. Not bars, but maybe church; not places where druggies hangout, but places where you might expect to find a decent man.Try this also. Make a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a man. And when you find one to date, measure him against your list. If he doesn't meet the most important items on your list, you know not to get seriously involved with him.
I know you are serious about making some changes in your life in order to attract someone whom you can love and be loved in return. I hope something I have said will spark your imagination and will do something to make a big difference in your life.
God Bless

?2013-07-23T01:50:06Z

sorry, i don't know...

Make a nursing tool kit. Get a basket or tote bag and fill it with things you'll want on hand while nursing: a refillable bottle of water (one with a pop top spout is great for one-handed maneuvering); an energy bar; something to read; baby nail clippers (it's a great time to get those nails, especially if your baby dozes off); a pad of paper and pen (for jotting down all the things you want to do if you ever get a chance); your cell phone; lanolin for sore nipples; a burp cloth; and so on.

While these comments are wonderfully helpful in terms of tangible tips and support, I imagine that some readers who haven't yet breastfed might read them and expect all kinds of difficulties if they choose to nurse. I just want to say that I delighted in breastfeeding for ten years straight (four babies in a row, each into toddlerhood) without a single snag. I'm not boasting – just reassuring readers that they won't necessarily have problems breastfeeding!

Yola2013-07-17T04:22:14Z

Don't be insecure. I'm sure its just because you don't flirt or throw yourself out there guys probably don't think you are interested. It's perfectly reasonable to want to get to know someone before dating otherwise it can be a complete nightmare. Im sure there's someone that would Love to date you you just don't know it guys can be shy too.

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