I guess I'm looking for some encouragement, reassurance, or advice...?

First of all, there is nothing wrong with you. (Besides the fact that just about everyone is only 80% free of psychological diagnoses, and so everyone is a little bit crazy.) You're very intelligent, thoughtful (not a redundancy) and you've got a great sense of humor.

Maybe you're unconsciously putting out vibes that say "leave me alone." Sometimes people who are not the outgoing type can be difficult to get to know because they don't want to burden other people with their personality.

If you can't flirt- and not everyone can- get to talking to someone. Get to know them a little better. If they seem interested, before you meet the dreaded "friend zone", lay it out there. Tell them you like them and want to get to know them better.

It isn't at all unreasonable to want to be in a relationship with someone you know reasonably well. And a little picky is good- it's what keeps you from taking the really bad options out there.

Okay, so I don't have much to offer on the whole relationship deal. I've never been in a relationship either. But I'll try to be helpful with the confidence part :D

But first, I don't think it's picky to want to get to know someone before. Might as well try to weed out the deal-breakers before you even get in a relationship with them. Save on the unnecessary arguments.

Alright, as you may have assumed from my user name long ago - I'm shy and insecure. Actually, I have social anxiety (but it's kind of getting better right now!) So here's what I've learned... when you're not an outgoing person, like you just said you weren't, you tend not to be outgoing when it counts most either. The "firsts" of everything. Your first day of school, work, being at a club, etc. So if people aren't asking you out, it's not really you, it's much much more likely because you aren't talking to people who'd date you. People make the friends and acquaintances more toward beginnings of stuff. It's hard getting to know people when it's, say - the middle of your college years. What do you say? At least everyone's got some common ground or icebreakers when you're starting somewhere (e.g. "Are you not finding all your classes either?" or "So do how you like it here so far?")

I don't think (again, I'm no expert in the dating field) you have to flirt with people - but maybe just make more acquaintances. There's nothing wrong with having more acquaintances. And the nice thing about acquaintances is that you're not constantly obligated to talk to them. Whoot! That's a yes for introverts. But then if you're actually interested in one of your acquaintances romantically, you have a start! You know them! =) Also, any acquaintance you're *not* interested in are still good for boosting your confidence. People need social interaction for emotional support. No matter how introverted you are. If anyone was stranded on deserted island alone, we'd all go crazy enough to create a friend named Wilson with a volleyball XD So use acquaintances to make you feel less lonely :D I've pushed myself a little to be able to talk small talk with some of my co-workers at my new job right at the beginning (I GOT MY FIRST JOB, LYRA! I'm a cashier.) Even though it was hard D: But they talk to me when they're bored and have no customers. It makes me feel less invisible and unappealing. Even if I don't actually like them enough to flirt or be in a relationship with them. I have actual guy friends! It's weird. Yet, I'm glad! One of them waved goodbye to me the other week.

Yeah. Introverts facing obstacles. You can do it, Lyra! =)

I feel your hurt and pain and there may not be anything I can say that will make you feel better-that said, I am going to try anyway. I had an adult friend growing up who was a lot like you-rather shy and without much of a social life. I have always heard,and I believed it, that there is someone for everyone. He married when he was 40 years old. That may seem like an eternity but the wait was worth it. I have 2 nieces who are old maids but they seem to be happy with it. That does not sound like you though. I think it might help if you were to read up on how to make yourself more appealing to the opposite sex. I don't mean just outward appearances, but how you should act around males. There are countless materials on the Internet about dating, there are numerous dating sites, and there are counselors that can help you with your self-esteem issues. Try this: make a list of all your qualities-the things that you have to offer to a man. This is your private list, so list away. You are right that you are going to have to do something differently than what you are doing now. And I don't mean doing things against your ethics or religion or upbringing. But if you want to get a date, you are going to have to go to places where men hang out. Not bars, but maybe church; not places where druggies hangout, but places where you might expect to find a decent man.Try this also. Make a list of all the qualities you are looking for in a man. And when you find one to date, measure him against your list. If he doesn't meet the most important items on your list, you know not to get seriously involved with him.

I know you are serious about making some changes in your life in order to attract someone whom you can love and be loved in return. I hope something I have said will spark your imagination and will do something to make a big difference in your life.

God Bless

sorry, i don't know...

Make a nursing tool kit. Get a basket or tote bag and fill it with things you'll want on hand while nursing: a refillable bottle of water (one with a pop top spout is great for one-handed maneuvering); an energy bar; something to read; baby nail clippers (it's a great time to get those nails, especially if your baby dozes off); a pad of paper and pen (for jotting down all the things you want to do if you ever get a chance); your cell phone; lanolin for sore nipples; a burp cloth; and so on.

While these comments are wonderfully helpful in terms of tangible tips and support, I imagine that some readers who haven't yet breastfed might read them and expect all kinds of difficulties if they choose to nurse. I just want to say that I delighted in breastfeeding for ten years straight (four babies in a row, each into toddlerhood) without a single snag. I'm not boasting – just reassuring readers that they won't necessarily have problems breastfeeding!

Don't be insecure. I'm sure its just because you don't flirt or throw yourself out there guys probably don't think you are interested. It's perfectly reasonable to want to get to know someone before dating otherwise it can be a complete nightmare. Im sure there's someone that would Love to date you you just don't know it guys can be shy too.

An often repeated truism is that good things come to those who wait. Unfortunately, that's not actually a truism at all, and is instead a lie. Yeah, so it's a feel-good lie to both the person parroting the lie, and the person who accepts the lie, and in some extremely rare instances a person who does nothing to attain something they desire has it drop in their lap, but neither of these makes the 'good things come to those who wait' statement any more accurate; a stopped (traditional) clock still reads the correct time twice per day. As to whether or not it's your fault that you've accepted the lie, I think that question is irrelevant in the context of this question (doubly so because any debate on the matter would necessarily devolve into 'is there free will?' if explored deeply and thoroughly enough, and/or devolve into a debate as to what constitutes 'fault' in this instance).

There's two obvious continua here. The end of one, there's having zero interaction with anyone of whatever sex you're interested in. At the other end of that same continuum, there's spending virtually every waking moment interacting with whatever sex you're interested. The other continuum ranges from spending zero time and effort making yourself appealing to the opposite sex, and the other spending the maximum possible time and effort making yourself appealing to the opposite sex. The extremes of these are generally not healthy, for obvious reasons. There's at least one pair of values that maximizes the your chance of meeting someone who is interested in you. Think of it like a landscape, with the height value being defined by some function of the aforementioned variables. As a visualization aid, imagine it looks like this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gaussian_2d.png (Please note: It'd be really easy, and more accurate, to split this all up in to more factors, but at the cost of being able to use the landscape metaphor since visualizing things that have more than 3 dimensions is challenging indeed.)

I think you probably already realize what I stated above. if you want to increase your chances of a relationship, change something so you move closer to the maximum. Whether or not you want to make a certain change, is of course up to you; there are obviously tradeoffs to any change.

I would suggest (at least) the following:

1) Try online dating websites, or find some activity that has a decent number of guys who you could get to know and might presumably be interested in you, or something similar.

2) The whole point of dating someone is to get to know them better. Just because you went on some number of dates with a person does not mean you're in a relationship. You don't need to know someone extremely well to go on a date with them.

3) Write out a list of fairly solid expectations that you have. Find some way of getting a rational dispassionate observer to evaluate the reasonableness of this list. Alternatively, just compare it with the trash you can find in men's magazines about how women supposedly judge men, or the trash you can find in women's magazines on how women ought to judge men. If there's a significant overlap between any list you find and your list, you're probably being unreasonable. As a starting point, compare with: http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_500/561_the...

Two points of encouragement (?):

1) I have a friend who was older than you (assuming you're ~21) before she even had her first kiss. She's now a stripper who's had relationships with more men (and women) than probably everyone else I know put together, with apparently the only thing that changed was she pretended to be more outgoing than she normally would be, and flirted a lot.

2) I read a "news" article once about an uneducated (and seemingly unintelligent, from the article) woman so obese she couldn't move and was confined to her bed managed to find a boyfriend (who was her weight loss secret... by them having sex multiple times per day... the focus of the article). If she can find someone, you almost certainly can, given you likely have an advantage in every conceivable respect (and certainly as far as education and intelligence go), except for maybe "free time". (I included this point of encouragement against my better judgement)