Help me, I feel cursed?
You know how some people go through rough times and think, "there is no God, for he would not let this happen to me"? Well my impression is the exact opposite. There is NO WAY that there isn't some sort of supernatural entity trying to make my life incredibly difficult, because the circumstances are such that it's as if I'm cursed.
There are a lot small things, but they all add up. I feel like I can't even accurately describe my problem because people will misunderstand, or at least not fully grasp how I feel.
Basically, the part that makes me think I must be cursed is the unbelievably unlikely phenomenon I observe every single day. I'm a thinker; I philosophize and think a lot, so needed silence and concentration are more valuable than gold to me. You know when your train of thought is so clear and you're really concentrated on the thought, and you get "comfortable" in your mind? And how the very littlest distraction completely, so to speak, derails that train of thought and you can't fully concentrate anymore? Well in my case, someone makes a loud noise or yells when and ONLY when I get into that situation, *without* exception. It's almost as if my thinking process is synchronized with whenever my family is in the mood for being loud for no f*cking reason. Because of this, I've reached Pavlovian conditioning in which my mind, if there are people in the vicinity, is "hesitant" to think, because it expects to have its thought completely obliterated without warning which is so incredibly frustrating, especially when it happens EVERY SINGLE TIME (except when I know for sure that nobody is around, but even then, sometimes it's something else like a bug or an itch).
Of course, this is added to my "actual" problems, most of which are also incredibly Kafkaesque. I cannot explain my biggest issue within a novel, let alone a sentence, but essentially it involves having a friend whom I was once incredibly close to flipping over and practically becoming an entirely different person I don't recognize almost overnight (including denying so many things she has said, such as saying that I'm her best friend, and that I mattered so much to her that she didn't really need anybody else, not including one other person close to her), which hit me incredibly hard to the point where I feel I cannot possibly recover from. It hit me emotionally, but mostly psychologically because the way it occurred just doesn't happen. The most logical explanations I have come up with are the most far-fetched. I've thought that maybe I had done something that upset her, and I couldn't come up with anything. Incredibly odd explanations I came up with include her being replaced by a doppelganger, there being a glitch in the Matrix, and, coupled with the other problems that kept stacking up during the year, I am cursed. I'm very skeptical and analytical about everything, so it's amazing that those are the only satisfying explanations I could come up with.
This year, I have also seen other difficulties. It's as if life has thrown me all of its screwballs at once, because not a single year before (my friend changing was the very first "problem" I had, and that happened a couple months after my 19th birthday. My 20th passed just over a month ago) have I even come close to having these many unrelated problems and being this incredibly emotionally and psychologically tormented. I also had the misfortune to, by pure chance, eventually fall into Wikipedia articles about religion and philosophy, which is what has thrown me into an existential crisis I am still struggling with right now. I had not ever considered existential issues before that.
I am incredibly hopeless and in despair at this point. More so perhaps than a suicidal person (I have never been suicidal) because the amount of philosophy I have done (away from any possible family members who can distract my thought process) completely proves that suicide could only make things far worse for me than they already are. So not even suicide is a comforting resort (I've always spoken against it anyway). I wish (amongst other things, of course) I had a faith of some kind. A god to seek aid from; but alas, my incredibly extensive research and education on philosophy and religion only makes me increasingly more agnostic.
I have a lot of problems that are completely and entirely out of my control (I've only skimmed the surface in this question), most of the choices I have to make are catch-22's, and, since I'm not a malaria-infected child living in Sudan, nor am I a hobo in the glacial streets, nor have I been molested as a child, I have no right to complain about anything, because apparently my problems aren't real.
I'm beyond sick and tired, universe! I give up! I just want the answer already!
What do I do?!
Now to watch my question not get answered.
@Terry: the fact that they don't make sense is my problem. And when I said "my problems aren't real", I was being sarcastic; this is due to the fact that some people have told me that my problems are asinine and unimportant because they don't include me starving in the streets or something, so it's as if I'm not supposed to be complaining.