Sit you now and look to me, hear what I say, listen carefully, to the message I've to pass your way.
I know I'm a riddled mess, lost in the fog, a blight I confess, struggling to earn where I belong.
I feel guilt for what I bring, hardship and strife, my mind it's eating, taking joy from our lives.
I'm to find my own answers, my better self, to cure this cancer, yet I am weak even with your help.
I wish to say how sorry, how regretful, how melancholy, I am for being evil in full.
Unintentional though it was, the hurt I caused, the pain I spun, now reason to fix what I have flawed.
So this I will do.
This, I promise you.
So what do you think?
2013-08-29T19:04:02Z
@Kurama- I know the rule for the caps, but I was just too lazy. And as for the rhymes, it was more rhyming the sounds than the actual words, like in "fog" and "belong" it was the "oh" sound in the o. Thanks though for your opinion :)
2013-08-29T19:06:10Z
ah* not "oh"
~~*Milieu*~~2013-08-29T22:56:55Z
Favorite Answer
There is no rule about beginning each line with a capital letter, that's something that was in practice to help a printer know how to set typeset, today it is personal preference. A bigger concern here is the grammar starting at line 1: Sit you now and look to me
I like your organization of phrases into lines, because this creates an almost answerless linger until the ending, with its punctuation mark (.) leaves a good sense of conclusion and repose. To summarize, your form here imitates your tone & message, which is the ultimate harmony any piece of art can achieve.
I thought it was very good; very good indeed. About capitals and such conformity. If something works for you, then use it. Otherwise, you'll be one of the pack. Being an individual caused you to write such a piece. Being " you " is what made it a strong piece.
In poetry, you're supposed to capitalize the beginning of each line, and you tried to rhyme words that don't really rhyme. Rhyming "self" with "help" and "belong" with "fog" is sort of a stretch. That's not to say I didn't like it, it's sort of like the whimsical poems Edward Lear, William Butler Yeats, and William Blake wrote in their early years.
@ Anjellex: I understand that, but it can become awkward when one alternates between true rhymes and forced rhymes like that. Like, "way" rhymes perfectly with "say", and "mess" with "confess", but then when it's interspersed with you rhyming words like "caused" with "flawed" that only *sort of* rhyme, the cadence and rhythm becomes dissonant. Seamus Heaney often writes poems with lines that only *sort of* rhyme like that, he'll rhyme words like "breast" with "wreath", "hands" with "bends", and it creates a hypnotic rhythm amongst the lines, but it only achieves that because of the absence of perfect rhymes. I think if you eliminated all perfect rhymes from your poem it would reach greater harmony.