Would marriage counseling work if I he is going because I gave him an ultimatum ?
Lots if problems in the relationship. To the point of separation, we have been going back and forth , I have been the one trying to work things out... He kept on saying that he wasn't sure ... So I finally got fed up and said I'm done, so now we want to try... I told him that the only way I would agree is if go to marriage counseling, said ok pulling teeth... We tried about 2 weeks ago the first session , but because he wasn't trying to work on us . The session was horrible for both of us... Now I would like to give it another shot ... Am I wrong for giving him an ultimatum... Other wise he will never do it ....
?2014-03-24T20:54:00Z
I would add, from thirty years of experience as a counselor, that it is a typical pattern for one person to be done with it, to have given up on the other, only to find that the other person has finally gotten the message and is now highly motivated to save things, do anything, including counseling. Unfortunately,this often comes at a point where the one who kept trying to reach the other has given up and is truly done with it. Its usually the woman who tries to reach the man in these cases. Does this sound like your situation? If you are still dragging him to counseling against his wishes, I wouldn't hold out any hope for a successful outcome. But, if he has finally gotten the message and wants to go, it would also depend upon whether you have any energy or motivation left to try once more, yourself. I don't think you were wrong to give him an ultimatum, as long as you really meant it and are ready to end things if he doesn't go. Sometimes, this is the only way to get a partner's attention. Good luck , Dr.S.
its according to the ultimatum - he is basically who he is...and IF he gives in on this what or how will you comprise? Personally I'd see this as he is not going to give in to this ultimatum, so it would them b\e up to me/you it is something your willing to over look or not? Personally I walked when my ex said finally "I'm giving up trying its just something I can't do take me as I am." Well I left hurt because this was years longer than rightfully I should have stayed so blinded by love I could not see it was not in him, it was like asking a fish to climb a tree yet only after we split did I come to realize that it was I that was misleading myself...he could only be whop he was and I kept refusing to see the demands were for him (maybe not another man, but for him) impossible.
Forcing him into counseling is like forcing an addict into rehab. It only works if they want to go. If not, they go through the motions and as soon as the appointments are over, they go back to their old ways. Sounds like he's already given up on it.
Part of being in counseling is deciding if yuo want to stay in the relationshipl If you both decide to stay then it has to be with a plan to work out problems. If one person wants out, cut your losses.