Would marriage counseling work if I he is going because I gave him an ultimatum ?

I would add, from thirty years of experience as a counselor, that it is a typical pattern for one person to be done with it, to have given up on the other, only to find that the other person has finally gotten the message and is now highly motivated to save things, do anything, including counseling. Unfortunately,this often comes at a point where the one who kept trying to reach the other has given up and is truly done with it. Its usually the woman who tries to reach the man in these cases. Does this sound like your situation? If you are still dragging him to counseling against his wishes, I wouldn't hold out any hope for a successful outcome. But, if he has finally gotten the message and wants to go, it would also depend upon whether you have any energy or motivation left to try once more, yourself. I don't think you were wrong to give him an ultimatum, as long as you really meant it and are ready to end things if he doesn't go. Sometimes, this is the only way to get a partner's attention. Good luck , Dr.S.

its according to the ultimatum - he is basically who he is...and IF he gives in on this what or how will you comprise?

Personally I'd see this as he is not going to give in to this ultimatum, so it would them b\e up to me/you it is something your willing to over look or not? Personally I walked when my ex said finally "I'm giving up trying its just something I can't do take me as I am." Well I left hurt because this was years longer than rightfully I should have stayed so blinded by love I could not see it was not in him, it was like asking a fish to climb a tree yet only after we split did I come to realize that it was I that was misleading myself...he could only be whop he was and I kept refusing to see the demands were for him (maybe not another man, but for him) impossible.

Forcing him into counseling is like forcing an addict into rehab. It only works if they want to go. If not, they go through the motions and as soon as the appointments are over, they go back to their old ways. Sounds like he's already given up on it.

Part of being in counseling is deciding if yuo want to stay in the relationshipl If you both decide to stay then it has to be with a plan to work out problems. If one person wants out, cut your losses.

i agree with posted "Dr. Stephanie". Giving someone an ultimatum is pulling the ball into their court. Your saying to them "we're done, if you want us to work it will be up to you not me.".

good luck and hope he get s the message.

Counseling only works when both partners want it to. It's over.

Why would you want to be with a Man who is unsure If he wants to be with you?

No self esteem?

Daddy issues?

Afraid to be alone?

Good sex?

You are focusing on the wrong person. Get rid of the looser, focus on yourself and working your issues out, then the right Man will come into your life and you will reflect back on this relationship and wonder why you put so much into it.

It's really hard to give advice in this sort of situation. WHY doesn't he want to go to counseling. WHY do you?

If you want better answers, put more detail (and effort) in to your question.

This is your life after all, what you put in is relative to what you get back.

Pray. It works!

**** him if he doest want to fix the problems just as much as you want