what is it called when you completely gave up on life?
and im not talking about suicide, btw, this question is about me, its not really depression per say that is or has affected me, well, i guess you can say i do have a "form" of depression, but i dont necessarily have issues doing the same things i have always done, if anything, my meditation techniques from late high school ( im 21 now ) and coping mechanisms have enabled me do things that otherwords i probably wasnt able able to do when i was younger, but i guess when i was younger, part of of the reason was the hormones wouldnt let me, anyways, what i want to say is i have been seeing psychologists for the past 2 1/2 years, in a few months, it would be three, i mentioned a few labels, they mentioned a few, we talked together about them, i was never diagnosed though, and medication for possible conditions that were prescribed by different psychiatrists did not yield any positive results, only side effects where half of the drugs i just stopped taking because of personal reasons and the other have, i was forced to stop them because i got sick from them. this was ritalin and vyvanse for supsected adhd which apparently based off my side effects, traits from diagnosis and testings, half the people said i probably dont have it ( even though i fit like 90 percent of the traits ), the other half, more or less agreed but never did they officially diagnose me, not that it matters, i just thought it was ironic that my diagnosis ranged so much, from social anxiety, social phobia,...
adhd, schizotypal personality disorder, major depressive disorder, schizoid traits ( this was more recent and i didnt talk about much, i feel like i fit the schizoid PD, but i obviously didnt bring this up yet ), sluggish cognitive tempo ( this is the one that i looked up that fit me the CLOSEST, i would say its basically adhd + more problems that cant be explained or fixed, in other words, it can be treated like adhd can with medication, and its more of a nuisance ),
, i meant to say above that sct CANT be treated with medication like adhd can, other conditions is mild aspergers ( but i never liked the idea of mentioned mild in anything, in my opinion, its either you have a condition or you dont, there is no such thing as mild adhd, moderate adhd, or severe adhd, and i disagree with the idea that everyone in the world has a little adhd. to sum it up, i would say im suffering from schizoid PD WITH major depression, and SCT.
if this is true, it would make complete sense, here is why, schizoid PD affects your general motivation and purpose in life, meaning not only do you have problems with being effective and pursuing or even finding goals, but you also dont experience much pleasure either, you live in a very solitary life which i have for the past few years, school years up till high school was less solitary because of two reasons, my personality was not developed and simply i got lucky from external factors,
i only play video games every day, i dont know anything else to do or even care to find out ( which explains that schizoids take pleasure in few if any activities ) my general knowledge even up till high school was never high, i barely knew anything in life, i would say my iq is barely average in all sense, because of this, i live a very boring, solitary, stressful, agitating, depressing life. not to mention i have those sct traits, whenever i go out for a change, i CANT experience any CHANGE.
the sct affects my motivation, though process, processing, and general awareness, and because of this, i always have to be cautious / self conscious or else i have no clue whats going on around me, and i start acting dumb or wierd. so that even if i didnt have sct, schizoid PD would still affect me similarly. last but not least, i recently looked up fatalism and began supporting it, and using it as the reason to why i have and will always suffer. i will see a new psychologists soon but for what?