question for video gamers ( psychology / health / etc )?
are any of you guys depressed or know anyone that is depressed that tends to spend most of their time playing video games, because i do and apparently have a form of depression, ( been seeing psychologists for about 3 years, all of which mentioned that have depressive symptoms, dysthymia, major depressive disorder, and of course other conditions and traits which i would like to describe, i seen psychiatrists too with failed medications ), and i wanted to see if anyone is out there like me that is suffering, so at least i dont feel as lonely and get some insight as well. here is the issues, i feel like i always had a "form" of depression, and it wasnt necessarily from playing a specific game, although playing a specific game did lead to more problems, like anger, although i dont know if anger and being overly assertive / defensive has to do with depression or something else, like a personality disorder / trait, or syndrome / disorder. i did notice that i engaged in video games a lot in my life, ever since i was really young, like 5 years old till now, at age 21, i play just as much, if not, more actually ( i spend most of my day doing solitary activities btw, and video games is one of them to keep me merely existing in my boring, frustrating, agitating, depressed, pissed off, jealous, sluggish life ). the other being building computers recently, i did this right after high school after i realized i became more withdrawn and isolated socially and just avoiding the open world.
so the whole building computers thing isnt really something i enjoy, nor do i like being the way i am, but at the same time, i dont want to change because i feel like god made me a certain way and even if i did change, i would know why BEFOREHAND, meaning, to get to point B ( where your headed for the better ), i would have to know 100 percent of where i stand, which is point A, but this would all be objectives, but i guess you can say, its like this for everyone in life, life itself is a test..
i feel like nothing can be done so much on my part, im just one person in this world, why should i feel like im so special and need so much attention and expect the best life, but i guess this is because i have had such a shitty life and suffered so much, that i want so much in return. this is how i see so called "normal" people, you know, the ones that can talk so freely and never have to feel guilty about what they say, the ones that are always resilient, the ones that never fall.
what i need is attention and insight, its unlikely that i can become a scientist, its unlikely that i can become a mathematician, its unlikely that i will become a lawyer, because even if its possible through sustained effort / motivation and help, it would never happen, i never had motivation, i never had confidence in anything, no matter how you see my life. id rather expand my knowledge and research things, learning almost everything in the world but remain the hermit in his hut without...
any degree, no good grades, no job experience, social problems, and an asshole personality. but people seeing that i know the deepest stuff / bringing up important questions / answers / logical theories, while being the piece of **** i am.