Should I tell my husband I cheated on him multiple times?
2014-08-29T15:49:33Z
13 years ago I was an undiagnosed manic bipolar and acted out sexually with about 10 different guys while my husband and I were dating, and even after we were married. I feel so guilty about it still. I've told him a bit about the cheating (like 2 incidents) and promised him that was all of it. If I tell him he'll know I lied and it may ruin our family, but if I keep it inside the guilt may eat me alive. How do I get past this? I don't want to tell him (he knows now that I'm bipolar).
Tom2014-08-29T15:54:15Z
I would leave the past in the past. I understand your need to clear your conscience, but maybe do that with a trusted friend, a pastor, etc. Unloading this information on your husband just so you can feel better will be highly destructive. It's likely that it would ruin your family. If you've dealt with this and you are no longer a cheater, it doesn't seem to be relevant anymore. Can you change the past even if you wanted to with everything in you? No. So how is him knowing this information going to be useful?
Are you done with the cheating? If so, then let your guilt be your punishment. Don't punish him so you can feel better (don't be cruel on top of aduterous). Get counseling or talk to your therapst about it or whatever you need to do, but if you care ANYTHING about him, you won't confess that. He knows you cheated, and that's all he needs to know. He apparently forgave you. Don't leave him with reason to wonder what other things you've lied about.
Instead of thinking you can get past it by telling him, why not get past it by being the best wife and person you possibly can be from this point forward?
It's not about how loyal or crazy you were back then, it's about how loyal and loving you are right now. That's what releveant to him, and that's what should be relevant to you, also. As far as honesty goes: resolve to be honest with him from this point forward. Showing him and others that you can be respectful will go a lot further toward addressing your guilt than throwing more of the past at him. Continue getting the help you need, and resolve to both tell your spouse how much he means to you and communicate any major sources of dissatisfaction. Make him totally aware of any personal issue you're having right now, also. No one's perfect. Recognize that, but realize that a lot more is under your control than you first realize. Recognize the control you have over your actions, and your future.
Keep in your mind you've ALREADY confessed to him. You do not have to go into every tiny detain. The MOST important thing, you confessed. Now it's time for you to FREE yourself of it all. You DID what you felt you should do. Put it in the past, bury it ALL deep. Now go forward with your life. Your past WILL forever be gone, but your future still your own. You HAVE set yourself free from/by telling him. That's ALL you need to do. Now have an attitude of gratitude he forgave you & be happy with a future of loving happiness...best to you, honey...:)
Yes. Marriage is a partnership so telling yourself that you should keep it from him because you don't want to lose him or don't want to hurt him is BS. That's leaving the relationship in your hands. If you have been unfaithful, it should be his decision to stay with you, leave you, forgive you etc.